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Come on, you know conservatives are desperate for a new Reagan when they're going crazy over some Law and Order DA. While I haven't quite seen him belt out Ad Hominem attacks on liberals quite yet, it seems that conservatives find solace in his Reaganesque shtick. You know, saying that government doesn't work, and then proving it by getting elected. I've even crafted a speech for him that's portable, changable, and customizable:

Greetings, my fellow Americans.

Today, we face a very important question: what do we do now? After years of nasty, evil liberals trying to destroy the free market, and bureaucratic governments trying to steal our medical records so they can give them to Osama Bin Laden, who is, by the way, a liberal.

Enough of such uber-duper-bureaucracy! If anyone is going to control our lives, it should be the market. The market is always right, and is perfect in every way imaginable. Always.

Actor Planted In Audience: But Mr. Thompson, the free market isn't always self-correcting! What of health insurance companies denying coverage to make a profit?

If you don't like your coverage, don't buy it! If you can't afford to go without coverage, you probably contribute nothing to society anyway.

So vote for me if you want low taxes, free market powers, and the return of anti-communist propaganda!


Deny it all you want, but the speech rings true. Who says that corporations can't be as evil as the federal government?