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"You wish your game was as tight as my Spandex!"

[300]
"Our arrows will blot out the sun!"
"Then we will fight in the shade."

[the number 23]
"I dreamt I killed you"
"You would never hurt anyone."
".....................how do you know?"

[epic movie]
"Look, the chocolate river! *takes a sip*"
"Actually, that's the sewer line..."

bjork couldn't be here tonight. she was getting dressed and d**k cheney shot her. -jon stewart

a republican who dissaproves of permanent tax cuts? that's like a rabbi who dissaproves of bagels!- stephen colbert

it's what jesus would freaking do! -izzie stevens

Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk -Stephen King

You are very squishy. So I shall name you squishy. And you shall be my little squishy.--Dory from finding nemo

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. --Jason Kidd

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.
- Anonymous Manufacturer

Betty White is so old, on her first game show the grand prize was fire.--Lisa Lampenelli