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Guide to the Damned!
In which I give my take on anything and everything that I do or do not care about.
Guide the 1st: Masturbation
Did he just say what I think he did?! LeGASP! *dies*
You all know you like to play with yourself. You all know that when you see the pretty woman on the computer screen getting pooped on by the other pretty woman you like to touch your p***s. It's okay. Because you're not perfect, like me. And while some other people would consider something like that disgusting and immoral, namely the Catholics, other people find it perfectly understandable that you could get off on that, you sick b*****d. Now let's break things down. I'm going to look at the positives and negatives of this rather... Charming... Pass-time, for lack of a better term.
On the positive side, many of you have given up on a social life and sex is already out of the question, so you don't have to worry about getting the "all-natural" feeling about it.
Now I know what you're thinking. "I'm just waiting for the right person blah blah blah." That's just an excuse. You're just trying to justify yourself for being a loser. And it's okay. We accept that you're a loser. However, it's time to face the facts. If you're around 30 and you still haven't gotten some, chances are, you probably never will. "Well you're mom's a virgin." No, idiot. No she's not.
Now let's play the Devil's Advocate. The bad part, or should I say 'parts', about masturbation, are that you're going to smell like old fish, no one will want to high-five you, you're kind of gross, people can tell when you masturbate, and you're not likely to ever get a girlfriend who will doink you. However, this may also not be a bad thing, after all, who wants crabs or genital warts?
Overall, I could give a s**t less what you do with your p***s. That's your own decision. However, I would like to clear up something; You are not a gross pervert. You just have the tendency to act like a gross pervert when you want to, and it's okay. You can come right out and say it... Not you, Joel Schumacher, we knew you were gay since Batman & Robin. No, I'm talking about the great people of this fine website. Go on. You can say it.
Anyway, that about covers my first rant. I'll see you tomorrow, if I'm not kicked off of Gaia for this.

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  • [04/21/10 04:40pm]
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