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We need to talk...
When I was born, They told me I would never function like a "normal" child's brain would usually function. So now, it's been 16 years since They released that information to my family. Right now, I believe Them. My thoughts feel like leaving me all of a sudden. My brain feels like a 30 year old who drank nothing but alcoholic beverages since the age of 2. It sends me messages of depression when this week is nothing but excitement and joyous get together of family and friends.
Now you may ask why am I like this? Response: I have no ******** clue.
Hints tell you that I stood up about 24 hours ago crying over my dead mother who will not be physical (not sure mentally either) seeing her oldest daughter turn 16. Age 16. Not a big number to worry about , but for me it is. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she won't see me get my first car or my first job. Hell maybe its just for the fact I cant gloat to other about how she would say she was proud of her and for me to actually hear it and not imagining it.
Another hint tells you that I'm freakishly scared to death that my relationship with my Boyfriend is about to end cause I'm to ******** paranoid... even though I know he loves me and I share the exact same feel with him, But my dumb a** brain leads me to the wrong ******** emotion every time. This might happen because.. we A: hardly talk on the phone B: scared he might cheat on me because every realationship I've been in most have or C: I'm just a dumb a** and can't see a good thing in my life until it leaves me. I Chose C.
The last Hint tell you that one of my good friends just called me a ******** moron and how stupid could I really get. I believed her. Maybe she just knew better than I did about this website.. I surely didn't know that some dude I was just pulling my leg about reporting me. And I've never been banned before so I panicked when he said I probably had 24 hour before They banned me from this website.
From 6am Yesterday to 6am Now (well 6:27am) My day has been a total hell. The main reason Why this all started.. because of my 16 birthday tomorrow and Frankly... I'm scared that it's coming.I really don't know what going to happen.. I really wish that no one will call or come over to wish me a happy birthday just for the fact that all this happen... But who ******** know eh?
I just realized that I pretty much just wrote a 5-paragraphed essay...

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  • [07/22/09 11:32am]
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