Well its me again and todays topic is "Why In The Hell Do I Have Friends" *sighs* This feels weird saying it.............................
I wonder sometimes and it bothers me....I don't think I am even worth for having friends I'm not use to it and I am still not since my parents are hardly home and guess what they a going on a trip to the damn beach.......I wanna go well I will stay out of the sun and you see I will be mostly taking pictures anyway....... But instead I have to study for Finals ( I hate my school and its a piece of errrm................Im transfering) Well back on topic it seems as if I am getting more friends lately not like its a problem or anything but it's like they are trying to fill my heart with love but I am sad because it hurts that I can't love back is it me..............I dont know no more.....(Off Topic) Today when I was on gaia trying to shake gold off trees didn't bother anyone a girl or guy well whatever said to another person said: Emo is not real............ Like I didnt see s**t....anyway just for everyone to know I quit being emo well with the cutting anyway but other that that from the song: I must be Emo on Youtube; I am a cheap imatation of Goth: Really funny huh well look it up its well funny.....I do still feel depressed to the point of committing suicide but I can't die just yet ya know well (Back to the Topic) My friends are a combination of me and yes I believe that but yet I have no clue of why I feel sad now like a ton of aganizing pain in my soul and my shoulder but I can get over it. I still get body movement when I dont need to like a jolt from out of a dream like I was reacting from something when there nothing there.....................................................I guess I am sad to the point I am not able to function well its time for me to go to be so see ya later....*smiles saddly*
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Im dieing my soul has betrayed me; Turned it's back. My friends what Friends There are'nt any because I here in darkness alone I take out my box cutter I pull up they blade I sit in the corner regretting of how I let you come so close to my heart I thought I actually loved you but I was foolish To belive such things...I screamed Out "You leaved me You Told me You would never leave me" I cry then I said "You left like the others in the past present and future" I brought the blade to my wrist and my concious say dont do it.....I was in so much pain in my heart it was breaking in two no it was truely shattering. When I said I loved you that day I knew I was Over. I soon brought the knife closer and slowly cut through my bare skin I started to see some blood lightly come through then I did it once more on my arm then again and again I soon had more than 500 cuts or probably more my whole arm was bleeding and the sight of my own blood made me feel better as soon as I stood up without any bandages I heard the doorbell ring I opened the door and I see only people in black and someone saying is this the house of oceanblurose i replied yes and soon the speaker comes up to me and says "My love I missed you so" I instantly thought i-it's him the one who I thought was like the others but he's here solid human he was older than I and I didn''t care I knew I loved him i hugged him he saw my arm he pushed my away and said what happened why are you cut I didnt notice I had the box cutter still in my hand and soon I said faintly "You left me You told me you wouldn't you left me in darkness I loved you and yet you're here please tell me this love I call is real because if it not I wont bear nothing I will be a worthless shell..........." I passed out only hearing my name being called over and over only passing into loneliness of my orietented darkness waiting for me........
with the moonlight shining on me I try to reach up and and touch it
with the moonlight shining on me I try to reach up and and touch it
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