I sometimes sit and think about what type of person i am....it's about 11:52 p.m. and i'm sitting here on my friend's computer and i just keep thinking about whether or not if i am a good person, if i have the constitution to do what is right even though it may be hard sometimes or if i'm worthy of anyone's love or respect.
I have a lot of thoughts that run through my mind that make me ask if i'm human? My thoughts and feelings are mixed up but the thing is the thoughts are alien to me like thay've been placed in there to make me feel like hell when i'm supposed to be happy, i mean i am happy and love has made me better and helped me to not be as angry, bitter and a little wiser....but i still have done and felt things i shouldn't have and i just want to let go and forgive myself but it's hard to because in order for me to do what's right i have to remember the bad things in order to not make the same mistakes, i have to delve deep into my darkest parts in order to find the good in myself, to be alone where it's dark and only then can i see the light, but everytime i do it makes me know what it is to be better but then again i know what people are capable of because of it and i wish i didn't...the bad overshadows the good a lot and everytime it's hard to stay strong....in a way i am alone, but then people say God is always with you and i do believe in God in my own way, but God isn't tangent like the people i know that give me that little bit of strength that makes a difference but what is ironic is that the one person that gives me the most strength is the one i haven't met yet lol the one that makes me feel better about being and gives me a sense of a honor within myself is a woman any man would sell his soul to be with (not to be too dramatic lol) but she makes me feel as if i have a soul and good within myself to be better and not just for her but for everyone because of her....i used to think love was illogical and insipid but it isn't when i think of her and that's when i start to believe in God when i actually believe in love which i think are one in the same. I'm not obsessed, i'm not dillusonal or crazy.....i believe this how a person is supposed to feel about someone regardless of how crazy the scenario may be....a code if you will that every man should feel and believe in no matter what about the women they love, no one ever says stuff like that anymore and they think love is something they can throw around and is a four letter word and they take the person they love for granted...well not me, i would go the distance for this woman and i'm not saying this to be cool, i'm saying it because i'm tired of apathy and being ridiculed for how i feel...you wanna know a four lettered word for those who act that way? ******** in ******** off, if you're not willing to do the same for someone then you deserve nothing, but for her i would do anything (within reason lol) to be with her and make her happy and she makes me want to be better and helps me see the light if you will lol
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The name is Vash Charon........remember it!
this is my journal, nothing fancy, just thought i'd make one
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Love is a wonderful thing, and it's even better when it's not ephimeral. When it's deep and amazing and serious. Nowadays, the definition of love for some people is soley based on lust. But when you love someone, unconditionally and with your whole heart, it's truly love.
Being willing to walk through hellfire for someone says so much about a person. And the fact that you are one of the few who when you say something you mean it, means you are one of the most honorable people, deserving of respect and happiness. And love.
Don't dwell on the past. Mistakes are made to be learned from, not wallowed in.
I love you. heart