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I feel like s**t now. My mom and I had another fight on this year's FANIME. It's because of my grades that she doesn't want to let me go. I understand that, but it's not just for myself it's nearly mandatory as a future club officer to be there. The officers now want most of us future club officers to go so they can show us the ropes n stuff. Sadly I won't be there for the officer dinner. I'm only going Thurday to the swap meet and friday for the actual event, even so it's only for a few hours because I still have school on friday. crying I wouldn't feel as bad if she wouldn't be so hard on me, but she's asking the impossible. I have like 2 "F's" in math and science and she wants me to bring it up by FANIME and bring a progress report! NO ONE! And i mean NO ONE can bring up an F in like 5 days! Maybe if i was litterally at the border line between and F and a D but i'm not. I mean it's not hopeless but i can't exactly bring it up in 4 or 5 days either. I got her to let me go on one condition. I have to bring her a progress report by Friday and I have to do all my homework.

I feel like dieing so bad. I did this for my friends that need a ride to FANIME and yet they have no clue that I'm doing this. Everything's shits and giggles for them. I hate living where I do! I'm litterally an hour away from everyone I know at school! I CAN'T JOIN SPORTS!(which sux a** 4 me!!! I effing luv sports!)I CAN'T BE IN GROUPS LIKE DRAMA! I CAN'T JUST HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS! She's ruining my scocial life! I understand that i need to do work, but all i want is a scocial life because I don't have one, so i'm too concentrated on that instead of work.

And to top it off i can't ever focus! It pisses me off so bad! I'm trying to do work(miricle!) and i get distracted by the smallest things! stressed I feel like going back to cutting, but i don't know wut's stopping me.

I used to cut just for the hell of it. I honestly don't know why i ever started so i stopped. But then I started again because i found a reason, once more i stopped for a while. I haven't cut myself in MONTHS! And lately i've been feeling like i need to do it once more....Does that make me bad? Does it make me discusting and dispicable? Sometimes i really hate myself.... cry

I wish....I wish i could go somewhere someday....somewhere....I dunno...far....*sighs sadly*