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Forever a secret...***authors note at bottom** |
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Forever a secret.
so many nights i have cried myself to sleep. i thought i had found happiness. i knew what it felt like to love myself. but now as i sit here, the moon shining its beautiful and yet ever so mysterious glow on me, i find myself lost, broken, hurt, and empty. i have sat in this spot now for so long, i dont even remember when it was the last time i had eaten, slept or moved. that night my world ended. it just stopped. no more was i to move. i wanted to feel happiness. i wanted to feel love, and i did. but there came a price. i knew that my love for him would never be binding or even true. instead our love was to be hidden. i thought i could take the pain of hidding my love while he hung himself around his lover. i was wrong. my anger and jealousy had slipped from me, and had eaten away all of which was my sanity. that night, the final night to were reality and i were joined for the breifest of moments, i had stolen my loves heart and kept it to be mine forever. i murdered his lover. i couldnt hold back the pain and hatred i had felt. i wanted it to end, i wanted to be free.
it was the begining of march, and yet it was still cold and snowy. she draged herself around forcefully day by day. she hated everything about the day. the work, the noise, the people. she had wished it would be night so things would be calm quiet and rather peaceful. that was all amy needed to be happy. she was medium height, long brown hair and grey eyes. she was rather thin and was at the age of 16. her life was a complete hell to her eyes. everything always went wrong. she thought that she herself would never in this world find true happiness. sure there was a time when amy was happy. but after years came to pass. her happiness went with it.
over the past few years she went through a great dealing of hurt and pain, but never had she prepared herself for the challenge that layed ahead of her. sure they knew eachother. they had for a while, but a few years ago her opinon on him changed. he wasn't just the boy she knew and teased on a daily baises. no, he was the boy for whom made her smile when she least wanted it. he was tall, short black hair, and blue eyes. "hey adam! wait up!" amy ran screaming to him, her breath coming in short pants. adam did the same thing he did everytime she was late. he stoped and waited.
"jeesh girl, your so slow. i think you need to learn to one not be late, and two move faster." he chuckled and patted her back.
"eh, hush it! the damned teacher kept me after again! so what am i supose to say hm?" she snarled back at him.
"hm, i know! tell him you have a hot date with the worlds sexiest man alive!"
"sorry but i dont think he'd believe i was dating michael jackson." amy laughed, and adam pouted some. "i ment me you big bully." amy shrugged and continued her walk. unlike adam, she was bold and outgoing for her age. he on the other hand, even though he was 17, he was rather shy and cowardly. sure amy would tease him at times, but she did it because she knew that he would release out of his shy stage. but then once adam turned 18 and had gotten a girlfriend. he changed. nomore was he shy, or cowardly. no, instead he was the complete opposite. amy on the other hand, the turn to being a 17year old seemed to have backed herself into a tiny corner with just enough arm space, and coward away.
she still acted the same around him. she always could. she had for years. that was one reason why she had begun to love him. everyday, she grew more and more to him. she would ideal herself being with him at times. she would imagine them growing old together and happy. thats what she wanted to be happy. but one single thing stopped her from having her dreams become a reality. his lover. nicky people called her. she was 17, skinny good looking with her long red wavey hair and bright green eyes. she often revealed herself in many disrespectful ways, and would do anything for anyone. yes she would even have other affairs with other guys, but still adam stayed like the dog on his masters lesh. amy hated this.
if the chance was givin to her, nicky would no longer have a head on her body. stupid dirty whore! what the ******** does she have that i dont! i wish she would hurry and die! those were some of the thoughts that crossed amy's mind daily. amy had never really been one for thinking, but since she started having very close feeling to her best friend, she would no longer remain in reality. everything started out the same the next year. school started she was miserable. her and adam walked together. then she would go and sit in her room thinking, writing down her thoughts and feeling into something short like a story, or a poem. even drawings expressed her true feelings. she was afraid to open up to anyone. sure there were some she told almost everything to, but everyone has there limits.
as the days went by durning the year, amy and adams friendship had changed. they became closer, spending more time with eachother. thinking more of eachother, talking to eachother. everything was with one another. they barely even left eachother's side less there time came to an end. then it happend. all it took was one little kiss, and she was gone. lost from this world. reality had left her and gave her what she truely wanted. happyness. she couldnt breathe nor move. her heart raced. a kiss. thats all it took before eventually they had gotten closer. but the closer they had gotten the more amy wanted to kill herself to rid the pain that dwelled inside of her. every move and breath she thought of nothing but him. he wouldnt even leave her in her dreams.
they began to get more physical. then reality passed her by once more as the words escaped his mouth. there they lied. down on his bed. the room was dim from his curtain blocking out the rays of the sun. his finger ran through her hair, as her tired body layed there and panted for air. slowly she was falling under the spell of sleep. she had givin herself to him, and he gave himself to her, and as she layed there embracing his warmth and purring to the feel of his soft touches in her hair he kissed her lips lightly whispering words she never thought she would hear, and that made her heart race far away from her.
"amy, i love you, and i always will."
a few days had passed. the break always seemed to last forever. amy sat in her room, blowing out her ear drums with senseless music. things between her and adam continued. ever since he told her he loved her a month back she felt herself dying away more. her heart would ache when she wasnt with him, and when she spoke to him it hurt. he would always say things about him and nicky. how he was going to be with her forever, and how much he loved her. he would ask amy for advice when him and nicky would argue or fight, and amy would help. as much as she wished she wouldn't, she couldn't bare to see him sad or upset in anyway. then after her heart would be shredded for helping him be happy he'd say things of how he loved her as well, and how he wished they had been together first. how he wouldve been happier with her. in amy's mind she wanted to scream for him to shut up. that none of what he was saying was true, it was all just a lie. but her body needed to hear them things. no matter how much she would try to hide it, her body and heart needed to hear those words, just to feel some sort of high. that high feeling though always died out. her mind would be filled of nothing but thoughts. all were of adam. her dreams became violent. she dreampt she had killed everyone then herself.
she slept less. her eating slowly became rare to her. foriegn even. adam wasn't there. he had been sick for the past few days. she hadn't dared go over to see if he was well at first, for she didnt want to see his girlfriend standing there smiling her angelic smile, sending her taunting messages through her kind soft voice. everytime amy was near nicky, hate and anger would run through her veins. but she hadnt seen him over the three day weekend nor had she heard from him. she was worried and was willing to risk her happiness just to see him. she walked slowly, feeling the cold winds blow at her. the sky darkened. it was going to storm. she loved the rain at times like this, it always seemed to ease her mind, and clear her head of her thoughts. she stood there outside of his grey door. should i knock? no, no what would be the point in that? should i just go in? no that would be trespassing! as she thought of what to do, she almost missed the words being told to her. "hey amy! im so glad to see you. come in!" his voice was raspy. he coughed some in his words. amy jumped.
"whoa! wow hey! haha how long were you standing there for huh? you should get someones attention before you scare them out of there mind!" she made a nervous laugh, "um, should i really come in? i mean isnt nicky here?" she clenched her teeth under her false smile.
"na, she doesnt want to risk getting sick i guess," his voice was saddened "but you did come. i didnt think that you would! your the first person who has came to see me since last week! im so happy you came." he perked up and grabbed amy's hand dragging her into his house. it was warm in there. he turned and looked at her. amy stood looking around as though she had never seen it before, but in all actuality she had been here so many times in the past few years. she knew this place inside and out. every crack, every creek, every inch. he laughed some and pulled her from her dazed thoughts and pulled her close to him. she blushed and fell into his embrace as he pulled her over to the couch and threw the blanket on them both. "damn girl! your colder then death!" he giggled. she couldnt speak at times like this. so she would just cuddle up to him more. they were as close as they could get to one another. his hands traveled to her hair, playing with it as he always did. her eyes would become heavy like usual, and there they would lay falling asleep with eachother.
almost did sleep have her from reality, but his lips approached onto hers. her hand traveled around his neck and they both shared a long kiss. not animalistic, just calm and comforting. when they pulled apart, amy blushed lightly, adam would smile and chuckle. after that they moved to his room, and they both went to sleep. a few hours went by, and amy finally woke. she was cold now. when her eyes opened adam wasnt there beside her. he never was. instead she layed there, only in a shirt. it seems they didnt just sleep. this is how it always was. they would kiss, then move to his room. then came more agressive kissing which soon lead to removal of clothes. then eventually they became intimate. he always said he loved her when they did those things. it made amy's heart want to burst, but then after they would sleep, she would wake to find he was already gone from her side, and that he atleast applied a shirt on her.
she stood, and the shirt dangled down to her knees. she giggled as the fabric tickled her there. looking down at the ground, her clothes were sitting in a corner. after dressing she went downstairs.as she walked down them, she heard giggling, and reliezed the door was open. the only explination to that was nicky was there. already her blood began to boil. "hey amy! i just got here and it seems i fell all over adam here. would you mind getting the door?" nicky gave her smile, and spoke in a voice that amy translated all to well.
amy knew why nicky wanted her to get the door, and why adam agree'd to it. it ment that she was no longer wanted there. she let out a soft sigh that no one seemed to notice. her heart felt like it was bleeding as she stood there watching adam and nicky play around with eachother. so lost in themselves that neither of them saw the tear that threatened to leave amy's eyes. her voice was shakey and she knew it, but still she spoke. "actually i think ill just leave you two to eachother." she forced a false smile, "im sure you guys want to be alone." she made a giggle noise and adam and nicky both just laughed. "yea i think me and nicky would like sometime to be alone. i guess ill talk to you later, ok? byes ames." he smiled at her, then him and nicky stood and left the room to travel up to his bedroom.
hearing there laughter deacrease into something more that amy knew all to well, finally made that forcefull tear broke through her. she grabbed her coat an left from his house. out in the world it was cold dark and raining. she liked it this way. it helped her hide her pain. the darkness ate away at the land just like it did her mind and heart. pain escaped through her tears as she walked home. there she was, standing outside her door. what was she just standing there for, she didnt know. she wanted to remain in this cold and lonely wet darkness that hid away her tears. eventually the cold was too much for her to handle. so finally she entered her home. it was empty and dark like usual. her mother was never home and her father would get home late then leave again. she was in a way glad for there absenses. also she was glad to not have anyother siblings. she ran up to her room and discarded her wet clothing and headed for the shower. she felt dirty. everytime the two would have sex with eachother she felt more and more dirty knowing that he is just turning around to have sex with nicky a few hours later.
water trickled down her spine. she shivered lightly, and then she held up her arm. scars covered her. from the wrist to her elbow. slashes were there. some where recent. she didnt like to cut, but if she didnt, she would lose control. she could become rather agressive and angered easily and then she would snap out in a rage. blood dripped lightly onto the floor in with the mix of water. the blade fell from her hand and she simply stared out. reality wasn't with her now. she was feeling a high that adam gave to her at times. but just like adam, the feeling would die. she was addicted to it. staring down at the bloodied wrist and bloody water, she started to laugh. she wasnt far from complete insainity at times like theses, and this she knew. the one thing she feared, she was now having to face. the emotion of love. she hated it, she feared it. now because she is feeling that of love, she hated and feared herself more then before.
it had been a few days since she had last spoke with him. he had called, but she ignored it. he came to her house, knocking on her door, leaving notes to her, but she pretended she wasn't home. too much was needed to be done in her mind. her mind couldnt consentrate on anything except the smell of her long sleeved shirt. it was baggy like the other clothes she wore. purple and black strips covered it. her pajama bottoms were black, her hair hung heavily over her face. bags under her eyes formed from sleep deprivity. her style was a mess, but she didn't pay no mind to it. instead she layed in her bed, staring up at the ceiling eyes drifting from black to light. almost was she there, after 3days, she was almost there. something warm slowly made its way next to her. a soft and small smile played unconsiously on her lips. she loved this warm feeling being sent to her. hands then slowly played its way through her long tangled hair. straightening it and softening it with their delicasey. her eyes then shut fully. she didn't want to open them. in her mind it played times of when her father was there and supporting for her. soothing her when she was troubled. as soon as she thought of what her life use to be, she drifted off into a sleep.
what seemed like hours going by, her eyes slowly started to open. a fimilar fragrance ran through her nose. the warmth that had ended her waking for however long still lingered there. embracing her. eyes now fully open she stared at a face that held such worry and confusion. adam had been there the whole time. "adam...but why?" her voice cracked. "i have been worried sick about you. you dont return my calls, you wont answer your door. i was really getting worried. so i let myself in with your key." he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. a small blush escaped her. "i'm sorry adam. i haven't been sleeping well." she lied. she forced those words to escape her. in his eyes she could tell that he knew she was lieing and that he knew something more...more...she looked down and saw her sleeve up her arm and he was caressing the wounds that were there. tears started to force through her eyes. he knew what she didnt want anyone to know about.
"amy, why did you do this? what happened? did someone hurt you?" he embraced her tightly. she cried harder. not from the fact that he now knew her secret, but that he still didn't know why she had done it. she wanted to scream at him. she wanted to tell him how stupid he was for not knowing the real reason why she had done this to herself. how could he be so stupid and blind?
Chapter 2: A memory of mine.
I remember, daddy sitting there, smiling at me and mother in the yard. The sun it shined heavily over us. The birds they chirpped a beautiful peice. My best friend Adam chasing me. Everything was bliss. I was happy. A child I was. 6 at the most. My hair it dangled and danced in the soft blowing wind. My eyes they shined like the stars in heaven. A smile always there. Kept safely in the open. An unbroken heart, never needing to be repaired. I remember how you and I sat and swang in the back yard. Mommy and daddy smiling and making jokes about us. We would laugh, and stick our tounges out at eachother.
Dinner would come, and here you were still. My parents with yours, in the house joking, laughing, while we layed in the grass on that summer night, staring up at the sky. The stars glistened brightly, and the moon touched over the land with a soft yet bright glow. On your stomach I layed, as you teased my hair. The sound of fireworks rang through our ears. Smiles on both of our faces played parts as we closed our eyes to enter that bliss of happyness. Then your words, so quiet and soft as you thought me to be slumbering, reached me "Amy, you are my best friend, and no matter what, even in death we will always be together."
Soon time came, and we woke in the mid of night to find you had to depart from me. No tears streamed down my face. But a small smile played as I waved to you. As you left, I looked up at the sky high above me and whispered so only the night could hear "You're mine to Adam, and I love you and nothing will stop that." but somehow, I knew you could hear me.
chaper.3: I will change.
"Amy get down here now! Amy Marie Renolds are you up? I'm tired of talking to the school of why you haven't been there! Goddamnit Amy! Fine fail see if I care. Your dinner is in the oven, heat it up after school. I have a late night meeting and your father is out of town. Bye." Slowly she walks down the stairs. Her mother leaves, and Amy crashes on the couch watching cartoons.
"s**t, s**t, and more s**t. Damn t.v. has gone to hell lately." It had been a week since she last went to school. It had been a week since she last talked to Adam. Sitting there, she turned off the televison and stared at the blankness of it. "I miss you." Since the last time he was here it caused them nothing but pain.
"How, how can you not know? Adam, why don't you see my reasons! Why can't you tell what it is I am thinking! Whats wrong with you!" anger ran through her veins as she sat up.
"How can I know if you don't talk to me about it! Damnit Amy! Don't put this on me! I am not the one hurting myself here. Why can't you just tell me why you did this? Why are you yelling at me for your faults!"
"Your stupid! You're so stupid. You don't know me at all! ********, Adam I love you and it kills me! I want to hate you. I never want to see you anymore. All I feel around you is hate and deseption. You don't care about me! You don't love me. No, I am just something to fill a void when that slut's not there!"
"Don't you ******** call her that! You're the whore! The slut not her. I love her and you're just jealous that I love her more then you. Grow up Amy. We are just friends!"
"How can you say that to me! You are the only person I have had sex with! You are the only person that I love and would give my life for! Why, why am I the one to blame here?"
"Because of you, Nikki and I have been fighting. She doesn't even want to kiss me. Nothing is going on between us. Nothing ever was, You're just lost in your own silly fantasy! You, you're the reason for it all. I hope you ******** die you whore!" as he sat up, Amy jumped off her bed and screamed "I hate you you selfish b*****d! I have done everything for you. I have cried! Bled, lied everything, all for you, and for what? This is what I get in return? Well go screw yourself! I never want to see you again." Without a tear escaping her nor a word from Adam, a blow was shot. She punched him. Knocking him back. Fixing his jaw, he stared at her in anger and shock. Speaking one last time as he turned around leaving her room he spoke "If you ever come near me again, I'll kill you personally got it? From here on out, we are not friends. You and I are over."
Amy stared at his back side and watched him walk away. She falls to her knees and hears him going down the steps. Her body shakes, as she searches for her relief. His coat was now being taken from the rack. She finds it. As the door opens, the blade it peirces. When the door shuts, Amy collapses on the floor, hot liquid falling from her wrist, tears now rushing through her. She wept quietly and whispered "I thought you loved me, Adam."
Pulling back to reality, Amy looked down at her sleeve, pulling it up. Her cut was deeper then normal. It was starting to get infected. She pushed her sleeve back and wiped away the tears that had fallen from her darkened eyes. She hadn't eaten alot recently. All she did was lay there in her room, on her computer, waiting for him to talk to her. She knew he wouldn't. He had blocked her from everything. But still a part of her hoped that he would speak. Then this would all be better.
He hadn't called her, nor has he stoped by to see her. Not even a note. She looked everyday, but there was nothing. A few times she saw him walking around to go to the park with Nikki. Maybe this was best. He looked so happy with Nikki. They both would be arm in arm. Exchanging kisses. They seemed just so happy. But she knew that Nikki was just using him. Nikki wasn't just dating Adam, but half of the football and baseball team as well. Everyone but him seemed to know this.
Amy sighed heavily and walked out into the kitchen. Going into her cupboard she looked at the calendar. A month left then summer break. Looking at the date, a pain welled inside her. It was now Adam and Nikki's one year anniversary. She threw the calendar away. She moved back to the living room and layed on the couch. Her headphones ringing in her ears. Humming to it, she starts to drift.
Colors bright spining in the small warm room. A soft sent of powder running through her nose. She felt calm and at ease. Nothing at this point could shatter her. Quacking ducks started to circle around. But drowning out the sound of the ducks there was a small cry. A small child, a girl came to her. "Hello miss." she spoke quietly, as if her voice was fading away.
"Hi there. What's your name? Mines Amy."
"Hi Amy, I have no name." she looks to her feet.
"What? Why don't you have a name? Where's your mother?"
"I don't know miss. They were here but then they vanished. I can't find them anymore."
"Well then, I guess I'll have to take care of you. How old are you?"
"I am 5. Do you like popcorn?"
"So young. No, I am sorry I don't eat popcorn. I actually, don't eat at all anymore."
"Mommy use to tell me that was bad. She did it once, and almost died. You should Amy, you're really pretty. Don't let yourself be ruined. I best get going. I'm tired."
Just like that the little girl left, and Amy woke up. "Damn, how long have I been asleep for?" Amy groaned and looked outside. It was dark. She stretched a bit and decided it was time for the computer. In excitement she ran to her room. She signed on everything she could. Once logged in tears started to come to her eyes. Adam was still blocking her. She sighed heavily and moved to lay down. She sat there and thought. Why did I dream of a little girl? Why was she alone. And she told me to eat! Oh well too much t.v. I guess. Her stomach growled. She debated, but something inside her told her to eat, and so she did. "Hm, dinner huh? Looks like s**t to me." She laughed some. It had been the first time in a while. But she felt good doing it. She went through the cupboards, and through the fridge. She made herself something worth eating, and threw away the food her mother had made a week ago.
After eating she went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Seeing her reflection she stood there and laughed. "I look like hell!" She laughed more when the thoughts of Adam ran through her head. Then she decided on something. Something that before she was afraid to do. But now it was time. No more hand holding. The boy she loved, had once been there, but had vanished before her eyes. "Adam, thanks to you I have become so mouch stronger. You were the thread keeping me from falling. You had me under your control. But now I see, none of this really was real. You never loved me. You never cared. I was your game. But I hate to tell you, that you haven't won. I have just made a small delay. I have decided to climb up this string, and find my own ground. I do not need you. So Adam, I know you're hearing this somehow. We have always had this connection, no matter how much you push it away, but now it's time. Say goodbye to me. The child you once knew, the girl you stole so much from, is leaving. You are my past. Nothing more. You are gone. I do not know. Amy doesn't exsist anymore." She smiled, and a last tear escaped her. "Tomarrow, I will be someone new. Someone no one knows. I will start over." She did what she needed to do, and went to bed a few hours later. Snuggling in, she set her alarm. Now she just needed the strength to pull this off.
Chapter 4: The flu bird.
The cold nipping at us kids standing, waiting for the bus. It was late today. My nose was a cherry, my fingers were numb, my throat it froze. I was getting sick. Entering school, I looked for you, but I couldn't see you anywhere. Where are you? A sigh escaped me as I gave up hope. You weren't here with me today Adam.
My friend Heather, sat next to me, singing Christmas toons. Her voice matched her personality. Loud. I sat up right and tried to join along, but my throat was hurting. I wish I was home, drinking hot lemon tea with mommy as we put up christmas decorations. "Are you sick Amy? If you are, then give it to me!" I sighed, I was smarter even though she was older. I at this time was 8, she was 10. But smartness didn't matter to her. She was popular. Her complection was fair, her hair was always in the most up to date fashion. This month it was short, spikey in the back and blue tips. She reminded me of a virus in a game a played once. But I thought something are better left un said.
This day for some reason seemed to drag, I really wish I was home. I started feeling hot. As I sat in my seat, our teacher Mrs. Cobb read us a story of a mighty bird that tried to ruin christmas. I wasn't listening, no instead I sat there, slowly driffting. I was getting sick, and I knew this. The bird in the story, I thought about during lunch. Maybe, this bird is trying to ruin me. It's giving me a new illness.
"Hey Amy, you've been quiet. Why?" my friend Karen spoke to me. She lost her two front teeth last month, so her words came out funny.
"Um, I got a new illness." I resoponded sniffling.
"Really? What is it called!"
"The bird flu." sniffle.
"Haha, that's a funny name for a sickness. But in my opinon, it looks more like a cold."
"Nope, it's bird flu, given to me personally by the Flu Bird."
"We'll I guess it's too bad your boyfriend isn't here." Karen giggled softly.
"I don't have a boyfriend. Well least not that I know of."
She gasps, "Are you serious! You and Adam aren't boy friend girlfriend yet? But you too look so cute together. You both are like glued to eachother to. Did he even ask? Did you deny him? Or did he deny you? Oh tell me everything!"
My blood boiled more, and a voice reconizable came from behind me as the hand it belonged to touched my shoulder. "Hey leave Amy alone Karen! You have had enough fun! Can you not see she is not feeling well? So why don't you shut up and bug off!" It was Adam. I jumped up instantly and turned around to give him my bright smile. "But Adam I'm not..." I don't remember much but according to the nurse, and my parents, I had collapsed on Adam, and then he brought me here.
I was sad and really humiliated at that. I didn't think I could face Adam again. But christmas came, and here I was still in bed sick, and slow foot steps were leading towards my room. I thought it would be mommy, or daddy. But no, it was Adam, holding a bowl of soup, and under his arm, my present. "Here Amy, I want you too eat this for me ok? Then you can have your present. And don't worry, you don't need to give me anything in return. Your health is what I am conserned about." He smiled at me. I smiled back. Slowly I sat on my bed eating soup, and laughing with Adam. Finally it was becoming late, and he layed there in bed with with me. His humming was putting me to sleep. I knew that he was going to leave soon. His mother callled him down, and he kissed my forehead and waved. "Get well Amers! I'll be back tomarrow!" I blushed. He had given me a nickname. I was so happy. First the whole day, he was with me, then he kissed my forehead, and finally he called me Amers. Now laying in bed, about to fall asleep, a smile played on my lips and I closed my eyes and whispered.
"Thankyou Flu Bird."
Chapter 5: The new me
"Good morning mother." A blond haired girl, wearing a red mini skirt, and tank top with arm warmers enters the kitchen. She smiles at her mother as she brushes her hair. Bangs now over her eyes. Her hair have soft curls at the ends. Light pink lip gloss covered her lips, a mix of pink and white eyeshadow on her eyes. White eye linner. Amy had completely changed. Her mother stood there in stared. "Amy? What...happened!"
"Hm? Oh I made a really late New Years revolution. Do you not like it?" She made a pouty face to her mother and a soft wine.
"You actually look like a girl. You are so beautiful. I'm stunned to see this change."
"Ah, well that's good. I hoping to hear that. Now if you excuse me, I must be heading off to school." She pecks her mother on the cheek and leaves.
The wind it blew calmly. She felt no fear. She wanted to prove, that she was stronger and didn't need comfort for no man. She walked the same path to school she always did. Meeting her friend Heather along the way. "Ok who are you and what have you done with Amy?" Heather stared at Amy up and down. "Aw, nothing Heather. I just decided I am tired of being a bum. I want to move on. I need attention to you know." Amy gave a new smile. "Well I do have to admitt. You are hnow absolutly gorgeous! Adam might get jealous."
"Well Adam has no reason to be. He has a girlfriend whose 'hot' in a sense."
"Yea if you like whores," Heather and Amy laughed "but no really. I think you have just won the hotty contest!"
Amy made a cheecky grin "Good, that's the point." Heather stopped walking and watch Amy continue walking. She knew there was something odd with her friend. But shook herself from her thoughts, as they made their way to school.
Entering the school. Amy drew the attention of everyone. She had instant love from people. They all admired the new her. A jock named Rick came up from behind her and smacked her butt. "Damn Amy! I didn't think a little goth like you could be such a babe!" She turned around and smiled. Pressing her lips ever so close to Ricks she looked at him and saw his figure. "Well Rick, you aren't to bad yourself. Dark brown eyes and hair. A nice built structure. A very sexy voice, "she turned her head and smiled seeing Adam standing there looking at her in shock "and I really like that." She placed a kiss on Ricks cheek and whisper in his ear. Then she looked back over to Adam, and smiling a devilish smile she blew him a kiss. "Amy..." He stood there still staring at this new Amy. Time stopped and he knew this. Looking at her, he tried to find the girl he had always seen. But he couldn't. Nothing came to him anymore. Then time moved again, and she was gone.
Gossip spred through lunch fast. Amy and a new group of girls sat outside. Amy layed on the ground. The jock from before, Rick came over and sat beside her. "Hey there beautiful. You maybe wanna go out tonight?" She giggled and saw Adam approach her. "Hm, your offer is ever so tempting. How about you call me later? Then I'll let you know." She wrote her number and gave it too him. Walking away she heard foot steps. She knew who it was. It was Adam.
"What is this Amy? Revenge?"
"Oh, my would you look at this. It seems a lost little boy has found me." She laughed.
"Damnit! Don't play this s**t with me Amy! You know this is worring me!"
"Oh really now? Well how can you care about someone who doesn't exsist?"
"Amy, what do you mean!?"
"I am not youre little Amy anymore Adam. You killed her! Every part of her that was there! You almost let her fall. But she took a stand and learned to stand on her own feet. You used me. Then denied everything. This is not in anyway an act of revenge. I am just simply moving on, and doing something that the weak and fragile me couldn't ever do. You have no need to worry or care for me! I am gone from your world. You threw our friendship away. Don't you remember?"
"Amy things just got out of hand. We were both upset!"
"No Adam, if it was just a meaningless fight, then you wouldnt have ignored me till now. You ment it. I know you did. In your heart..."
"Enough of that horse s**t! You have no idea whats in my heart! No matter what I have said or done I do still love you. Go back to being the Amy I loved. Lets make this right ok?"
"Why? So you can use me more?"
"No Amy, no."
"It's done and over with Adam. I am through of your games. It's time for me to take a step into reality. And you want to know something? I am starting to like the attention." Without Adam being able to finish Amy walked away. Back to her group, leaving hi mthere alone. As the wond blew, he stood there still facing the spot where she was, and whispered "Oh Amy, what have I done?"
hmmm...well this is a start of a rough copy. its gay retarded and pointless but hey thats who i am...and yes not everything is perfect in here. miss use of wording in some places, capitalization errors and punctuation errors. but hey this is a rough copy so wtf y should i care?
updates every week...
 imjustme91 · Tue May 29, 2007 @ 12:50am · 2 Comments |
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