Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Ok yeah I got tired of looking at my extremely weird pictures, that week was finals week for me. I got really bored that morning, so well I took a picture, I was actually very hyper, I sounded like Dane Cook on my way to school while walking with my brother. It was hilarious, he woudln't admit it, but he was fighting really hard not to laugh. I don't know I am very random at times.

I learned something new the other night. Well I was talking to my very good friend Justin, and well I was talking to him. He knows "who" I am truly inside. It scared the crap out of me. He tested me to see if I can answer the mystery's of complicated things, and I answered straight out of my unknown knowledge, which I don't usually do, but somehow talking to him, I feel safe revealing my true side.

But I made him promise a long time ago, since I realized he would probably be the first one to discover "who" I am truly, that he wouldn't ever reveal to anyone what and who I am truly inside. Justin has the gift of sight, I was too foolish to ever realize it, he can comprehend complex personalities, and break the walls of a person hiding their true being. Sadly he's too foolish to realize it himself. And I can't disclose it to him, because its a gift he has to learn that he has on his own, if I were to tell him, then it would ruin the sense of discovery and trying to master it on his own free will.

So yeah that was very freaky but at the same time comforting.

As for girls(I'll go easy Victoria)

Simplely put. Klarissa is still talking to me, claiming her absolute love. But still too stubborn to get on the damn computer and talk to me, always waiting to get more mins, though she is feeding me a new story that she is getting a plan soon enough, so waiting for more mins will soon cease. But I can sense that she is toying with me, she tells me off all the boys she hangs around, and how she doesn't do anything with them. and they all want her, and that they are all ugly. But I know that everytime she says "Oh yeah he tried to kiss me, but I turned around and punched him, I have someone I really like, and I don't want anything to mess it up" she is admitting her own guilt, by twisting the truth around in her own favor, clever for a simple minded fool, but I am far too used to games such as hers to be fooled.

Olivia welll she's been hiding a lot from me lately. She doesn't want me to know that she has a crush on boys, she doesn't want me to know that she is dating. I know why she's doing it, because I am the same way with her. We are both very open and honest, but disclosing our personal life, will expose to the other person that we've moved on. And honestly neither her nor I want to move on. What we felt last summer, all we went through, it wasn't like anything I've experienced before. No girl has ever been lucky enough to be called my "ex" or even my "girlfiriend" that I truly value and respect. Well there was Amber but her and I are really close friends so well calling her my "ex" would be degrading. And most girls that leave me, just fade away into my memory. But when I speak of Olivia, I speak with kindness, never faulting her for anything, when people ask how it all ended, I leave it at a mutual ending. There wasn't anything wrong with Olivia at all. The only thing that did sort of bother me, was the fact that basically she was extremely horny, so if any guy were to walk up to her, and ask if she wants to do something, she'd probably be off and do it. But at the same time, she had extreme loyalty to me. I never not once ever question if she would cheat on me. With ever other girl that was my main problem, the question of cheating, I can sense it in every girl I've been with, knowing who's capable of doing it, and who will. But Olivia there was nothing there, yes her feelings of wanting to be touched and loved were very strong, but her loyalty and faithfullness made her able to control it enough, to channel it so that she only wanted to be touched and loved by me. Olivia was the only girl that truly loved me with no strings attached. The first girl I fell in love with. And the last girl I've ever had truly strong feelings for.


Rochelle, well that girl is going to be breaking up with me really soon. Everyday I sit there and try to cope with it all. But I closed the door to my feelings, right after she told me the first time that she thinks she wants to be with somebody else, since a guy she liked for awhile, finally asked her out, but I know that either it was for real or just a test. Either way the scare that she would get rid of me so easily, it smacked me in the face, that as much as I like her, she isn't the right girl in my life. And now I am just waiting for her to come and break it off, which like I said will be soon. Her ex boyfriend was bothering her last night, she was extremely upset, and when I tried to comfort her, she flipped out on me. Her feelings for him haven't changed, she wants so badly for him to be a better guy, so that she can make herself believe that he deserves another chance, even though he's cheated on her a few times, last time being with 4 girls at once, so yeah it got pretty bad. But before she went to be, she sent me a sweet e-mail, so yeah not sure what to believe anymore. But I know that I took my heart back from her, before she would damage it. Sadly I actually believed that she would be the first girl I could fall in love with, and like since my break up with Olivia almost a year ago.

Stephanie, well not much to say about her, haven't really talked much to her lately. Though she called me a really great friend the other day, so well yeah, I am guessing we will just be friends, and well when Driver's Ed starts up on June 11th, I will know for sure if she likes me or not. I can sense that she doesn't want to continue to talk to me, because everytime she does, my stupid charm ability causes her to enjoy it so much and not want to stop talking to me, and the thought that she could be falling for a guy she has yet to meet scares her. So yeah I know what it will take for Stephanie to either accept her feeling or reject them.


As for my life now, well summer is ok. Nothing really special going on. I am going to Driver's Ed for the summer. oh joy stare but well at least my dad will let me drive the cars once I complete it. Well I am still waiting for any calls from the jobs I applied to, I am at the point where I realize that the chances I got any of those jobs are really slim. So yeah life is just ok. I have been talking to Victoria a little more lately. So well it was nice to see that she still wants me around. I found out that one of my old friends Karlie, couldn't stand to hear that I was happy, hence why she always claimed I was gay, so that in her mind, she would justify that she can't like me or be with me, because I am gay. I kept telling her I am not, and explaining how badly Olivia had wanted me, so there is no chance that I could ever go gay, because Olivia will always love me the way that she does. Then of course an old friend of mine, Kelly decided to call again. So yeah I've had an interesting week so far.