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Uhh... Bored?
Yet another poorly written poem.... YAY!!
What scares you the most as you lie in your bed,
What fears leave you feeling cold chills in your head,

Is it the darkness itself, the fear of the unknown,
Or what hides in the darkness soon to be know,

The monsters in your closet, the ghouls by your bed,
The ghosts in the shadows that leave chills in their stead,

The vampires and werewolves that feast on your blood,
The zombies that burst through their graves in the mud,

The silent yet deadly creatures of the night,
That pull out your soul in the dismal light,

Or do you instead fear something much more,
The thought that your life could be nothing more,

Than a pointless journey that leaves you insane,
Crippled and weak, writhing in pain,

And when you seek the peace of eternal rest,
You find yourself trapped in a neverending quest,

To find your true purpose, even after you're dead,
You cannot find peace and struggle instead.

So as you lie in the comfort of your sheets,
Thinking small thoughts and counting sheep,

Remember what waits you around the bend,
Lonliness and suffering without an end.



((I don't really think that's what death is, but I thought it sounded cool so I kept with it. Lol))



: P




User Comments: [3] [add]
Lady Godiva de Great
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Mon Jun 25, 2007 @ 03:13am
I have a couple suggestions. Here:

The silent yet deadly creatures of the night,
That pull out your soul in the dim dismal light,

Take out the word dim. It is a smoother read.

Than a pointless journey that leaves you insane,
Crippled and weak, always writhing in pain,

take out always, for the same reason

Remember what waits you at the end,
Lonliness and suffering without an end.

Change 'remember what waits you at the end' to 'remember what awaits you round the bend'. That way, you don't use end twice in the same stanza :3

So as you lie in the comfort of your sheets,
Thinking small thoughts and counting sheep,

That had to be my favorite verse. It contrasted the other parts so nicely. Very well done. Really brought the ending out very nicely.

THAT WAS FABULOUS!!! I am really elated that you wrote another poem! :3


commentCommented on: Wed Jun 27, 2007 @ 11:40pm
Nice Poem! YOUR SO CUTE........<3



I Love Rainbow Cupcakes
Community Member
spazzyxaznxgurl
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Sep 14, 2007 @ 09:15pm
ME IS LOVIN DIS ONE TOO! did u write these?


User Comments: [3] [add]
 
 
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