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Haha, she made an unfunny. Teehee.

Well, several things. Apparently if Dani and I sit within three feet of each other, even if I'm doing nothing but staring open-mouthed at the jelly, he finds me irresistible. That is weird. That sort of thing will probably always be weird. I doubt I will EVER be used to people being attracted to me. Anyroad, within six minutes we were SPOONING. O.o
Well, that was nice, if ever adding to my confused state. Teenagerliness. So fun.
Damn my not knowing about Jay!

Ffft.


And now to the subject vaguely related to the title. Or closely related. Or exactly it.
Cure. Concert. Toyota Center. October. Still no ticket info. This is semibad, as I, having no means to gain money yet, don't even know how much I'll need in the end and therefore whether and how I may get it. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuschia.
But if I may attend, this will be my first real concert ever. School orchestra concerts, especially the few in which I performed, obviously do not count.

I'm too ignorant to even know what the proper behavior would be. That is sad.

I'm also naive enough to believe in a possibility of going backstage. Hahaha.
I only think that because Haley went backstage at a Rod Stewart concert after a chat with some woman working there, which is luck I have not. Or something.
But meeting these people about whom I know little is still an exciting, if unlikely and ill-fated, prospect. Hahahahahahah. My heart esplodey. Like when I'm near Jay. Fuschia!

I love Jay. heart

Pineapple fluff. Hair fluff. s**t. Cure fluff.

Robert Smith has a nice face. Or had. Age, strangely enough, aged him. As it has everyone else who lived past a day.


Urgh, menny cramps. I always get them at the start. It's like my lower torso is being pinched very sharply the whole way round. The first time it happened was absolutely horrible, and it lasted all day. I was almost throwing up, and I stayed in Mom's room the entire day, no breaks. She stayed with me for a lot the time holding me. She even called my sisters about it. I wanted to die. It's worst on the small of my back and just below my navel. Sometimes it extends down along my thighs, too. Eeeegh, death.

It got me out of doing the dishes immediately after lunch. I stayed in Mom's room again. watching the Pride and Prejudice miniseries from the BBC. We have the DVD set. Feeble yay.

I've asked Dani countless times what he really thinks of me, and every time he's just said, "You're Sarah." He either doesn't know himself, doesn't want me to know, or has NO IDEA how important it is to me to know. I don't care what most people think of me; I hate them, and they don't matter; but with people like Dani, who do these extremely impactive things with or to me, it makes me cry with frustration not to understand just what is going on. I want to know how other people feel things, and if they make me feel something powerful all the time, how much more do I need to know!
Daniel has always been almost bipolar in the way he treats me; I hate him, I love him, and never for more than a few days, even hours, even minutes.

And Jay has always been perfect to me; he has always been sweet, always funny, always interesting (always handsome). I can talk to him better than with some friends, and usually it doesn't even need to be interesting to be interesting, if you can understand what I mean by that. Jay was always ready and willing to smile at me, no matter what I was doing or feeling. It is impossible to say how much THAT means.
Nobody has always made me feel like I could made others happy so consistantly as he; Jay always made me feel worthwhile, like I mattered. That's truly incredible.

And I always smiled back at him.
I can't help sneering at people who sneer at me first; I can't prevent myself smiling when someone else smiles my way. Of course my mood depends on the people with whom I am at the moment; every weensy thing affects my emotions. The question is whether that's normal.

I just need to talk what I think sometimes, and that doesn't always clearly connect for other people, I guess. Sorry.