Sometimes I wonder about God.
No, not my faith, but God and what he does.
I often wonder when I'll 'be strong enough'.
I say that because I know that God allows bad things to happen so we can learn and become stronger.
Well that's FINE, but does EVERYTHING have to go wrong?
Why won't God allow me to keep even the smallest moments of happiness, why are they always dashed and broken and taken away from me?
Even when things DO go right, it never lasts; all that I hold dear has been ripped away from me until I have nothing left, over and over.
Logic just seems so lost in everything.
I thought good people who loved God were given good things. Why is it that I, a good person, have been through so much and it never stops?
I have so many little tiny dreams that I would give anything to see come true, anything. And they are so tiny, and so...so lame, because pretty much everyone else has done them but me.
I want to have a slow dance
I want to be in a relationship with someone I like, and who likes me
I want to be held and want to stay like that forever
I want a REAL kiss damnit; my only ex drooled on me, and the last guy I gave a kiss looked at me like I was some kind of demonic b***h.
I just...I just want to be happy, even for a little bit.
I'm so tired, so ******** tired, of frowning. I'm surprised I'm not wrinkled like a prune from all the sadness my face has expressed. I just want to have a simpler life, all this bullshit day in and day out makes me really unhappy.
Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my heart, because my love and feelings are what cause me so much pain. Right now I'm in love with someone who I was so sure was the one and felt the same way, and now I'm not so sure. I'm really worried about him because he appears to be drowning, and I don't think he wants my help or really wants me at all. A part of me thinks I should just back off and leave him alone, but my other part stamps it's foot and says, "Moonwalker. You promised you'd wait for him as long as it took. You love him, you MEAN it, just be patient." I'm so confused; I want to help him be happy, but I don't know where to even start.
These days...I just don't know anymore.
Soothing Community Member 
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