Pairing : NaoNatsuki
Warning : Rather dark, deals with OOCness.
Mind Games
prologue
by
Amnesia Nymph
prologue
by
Amnesia Nymph
With an intense look in her eyes she stared out of the window. It was raining outside and somehow the cold made her feel warm, better. Maybe because it felt like the cold rain understood her. It was hard to explain but after she died everything that used to be annoying and in her way seemed to be less uncomfortable. ''Natsuki...'' A voice echoed through her mind.
Quickly Natsuki closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from breaking down into tears once again. She was surprised she still had tears left to cry. The voice didn't go away though. No matter how hard she tried. ''Natsuki, turn around...''
She didn't listen to it nor could she ignore it. ''Go away.'' She hissed. ''You're not real.''
''Natsuki, just turn around. I am very real.'' The other's voice sounded hurt. ''I am here.''
The blue haired girl sighed. She wanted to believe that but whenever she turned around she would find that there was no one there at all. Just her. ''Natsuki,'' The voice now pleaded.
Natsuki clenched her fists before turning around. She wanted to yell 'see!' but this time she seemed to be the one who had been at the wrong end. In front of her stood the brunette girl she had been longing for ever since they first met. ''Shizuru...'' She whispered, not knowing what to believe anymore.
''See.'' Shizuru whispered with a smile before extending one hand. ''Dance with me.''
''There's no music.'' The other replied, feeling somehow hypnotized by Shizuru. Slowly she took Shizuru's hand in her own. At first she was afraid this was just a dream, that she would wake up any minute now but neither of this was true. She could feel Shizuru's warm skin touch her own.
''We don't need music. We'll waltz on the sound of love.'' Shizuru whispered in Natsuki's ear, pulling her closer.
With that said they danced for a couple of minutes in complete silence. Finally Natsuki managed to open her mouth and say something. ''I don't understand.'' How could Shizuru be here with her? It was impossible.
''Remember when we met?'' Shizuru asked, changing the subject. Natsuki just nodded as she held on to her lover. ''You were so bitter, crushing those innocent flowers. You hated the world. You couldn't trust anyone...''
''Shizuru..'' Natsuki started but was cut off by the other.
''You let me into your world and now it's time to let you into mine.''
At first the blue haired girl had no idea what Shizuru was talking about until it finally hit her. She went wide eyed and quickly pulled away from the brunette. ''What?''
''You're all alone now. Join me Natsuki. I need you just as much as you need me. I'm all alone here. I want you to come to me. We can be together forever.''
Natsuki blinked away her tears, feeling her heart break. This wasn't real. Shizuru would never ask such a thing from her. ''Who are you?''
''Fujino Shizuru.'' The brunette replied, her eyes now fell on a knife that lay on the table. It hadn't been there before. ''I love you.''
''I love you too but,'' Natsuki closed her eyes. ''You're not Shizuru.''
''Very well.'' The brunette gazed back at Natsuki. ''I'll come back later. When you finally understand. When you finally realize that, I'm all you have. I am all you had.''
Natsuki opened her mouth to say something but before she could the brunette had already disappeared. She scanned the room for a few seconds, wanting to make sure she was really alone again. Then, she fell to the ground, crying. ''Shizuru...''
Chapter 1
- Friends?-
- Friends?-
Midori took a deep breath before turning around to face the two girls who had just entered her livingroom. ''Mai, Mikoto..'' She started. Somehow Mai couldn't help it but notice how tired Midori was. ''What can I do for you?''
''It's about Natsuki.'' The tallest of the two started causing Mikoto to look up at her friend. ''We haven't seen her in days. The same goes for Shizuru. I was wondering if something happened. Maybe you know where they are?''
The red haired girl shook her head and turned around again, looking out of the window. ''I have no idea.'' She lied. She was one of the few people who actually knew about Shizuru's death. ''I haven't seen them in a while either.''
''Maybe we should visit Natsuki.'' Mai suggested but once again Midori shook her head.
''I don't think that's a good idea. She probably isn't home.'' She quickly added when she almost betrayed that she indeed knew more of what was going on.
Mai eyed Midori suspiciously but then decided to shrugg it off. ''Alright then. But I'm going to pay her a visit if she hasn't shown up at school in two days.'' Without any other words to be spoken she turned around and walked out of the door, followed by Mikoto who wasn't sure whether she should say something or not.
Midori just stood there. Her eyes were now closed as she tried her best to keep her tears from falling. She didn't need to be genius to know what was really going on with Natsuki. The girl had lost the most important person to her. Everyone had seen how Akane ended up when she lost Kazuya. She simply broke down and it wouldn't be a surprise to her if Natsuki was on the edge of breaking down herself. That was, if, she hadn't done it already.
''Maybe someone should indeed pay her a visit.''
----
Natsuki sat on the couch, staring at the television in front of her. In her hand she held the remote control but still she hadn't bothered to turn on the television. Behind her she felt how two hands were massaging her back. She pretended to ignore it but it had gotten harder by the second. She wanted to believe that the appearance behind her really was Shizuru.
Was she losing her mind?
''Sweety,'' The brunette whispered in her ear. ''My favourite tv show just started. Would you mind...''
Natsuki closed her eyes for a minute before looking up at the clock that hung above her head. It was indeed 5pm which meant Shizuru's favourite show had started. Still, it was impossible that the person who stood behind her really was her lost love. With that she threw away the remote control, causing it to break into two pieces. ''Shut up. I'm not doing anything for you. If you're really the girl I used to love then get lost. You're dead!''
She could feel how the person behind her pulled away and for a moment she actually believed she had won. That was until Shizuru suddenly sat down next to her. Once again Natsuki pretended not to notice and just kept on staring at the black screen. It went pretty well for a couple of moments until she heard the person next to her cry. ''Please, don't go there.'' The blue haired girl begged. It sounded exactly like Shizuru.
The crying didn't stop and finally Natsuki bothered to look aside. Next to her sat Shizuru, tears falling down her cheeks as she looked at Natsuki with a pained expression on her face. ''Why are you being so cruel to me?''
''I'm not being cruel. You're just trying to play with me. I'm not stupid.''
Suddenly the brunette stopped crying and gazed up, laughing bitterly. ''Yes you are stupid. You can't even recognize your own girlfriend. All I wanted was for you to join me. So we could be together again.'' Shizuru eyed at the knife that lay on the table in front of them. ''I love you so much Natsuki. I can't be without you. Not even here. I feel like I am with you but at the same time I'm not. Why do you have to be so mean.''
''Why do you have to be so...'' Natsuki started. But before she could finish Shizuru had suddenly pressed their lips together. The blue haired girl ofcourse did not bother to pull away or to resist. Instead of that she put her arms around the girl's waist and pulled her closer. She could feel Shizuru smile into the kiss but just ignored it. All she could do was enjoy the feeling of being with Shizuru again.
It seemed that the moment their lips had met all her doubts had just disappeared.
A few minutes later Natsuki pulled back again, completely out of breath. Shizuru didn't seem to have this problem herself though. ''I love you.'' She repeated while playing with the buttons of Natsuki's jacket. ''Let me show you how much I really love you,''
Natsuki didn't even get the chance to reply. Before she could she suddenly found herself lying in her bed. Her clothes were gone as well as Shizuru's. It seemed so magical but felt so terribly wrong at the same time. Shizuru lay on top of her. She smiled before she started to place kisses on the girl's neck and slowly started to move down. ''I love you.'' She whispered between each kiss she placed on the other's exposed skin.
----
''Natsuki...'' A voice whispered. At first Natsuki thought it was Shizuru but when she listened closely she recognized the voice as Midori's. Slowly she opened her eyes. It took her some time to adjust to the light but when her eyes did her suspicion was confirmed. In front of her stood Midori. She was looking down at her with a worried look in her eyes.
The blue haired girl ignored it and looked aside. Shizuru was gone as well as all the evidence that she had ever been there. And although this was true she found that she was still naked. Luckily for her the blanket were covering her. ''Are you...''
''I'm fine.'' Natsuki hissed causing the other to jump. Never before had she ever sounded this bitter and angry.
''You don't seem fine to me...''
''How did you get in?'' Once again Natsuki cut the other off.
''The front door was still open. You should be careful with...''
''Shut up.'' Natsuki shot. Immidiately Midori shut her mouth. ''I don't know what gave you the right to just barge into my room but whatever it is, I don't like it. Just get lost and don't you dare to come back.''
Midori closed her eyes for a moment. She wanted to yell back but decided that it wouldn't be the best approach possible. With that she opened her eyes again. ''You're not doing well. It has been five days since Shizuru...''
Without any warning Natsuki jumped up from the bed and pushed Midori against the wall. It didn't seem that she cared about the fact she was naked. Slowly the grip around Midori's neck tightened. ''Don't.ever.mention.her.name.again.'' She hissed.
''N-natsuki..'' Midori whimpered. Quickly she tried to push Natsuki away but the girl seemed to be much stronger than her. ''Y-you're hurting me. Look what you're doing. T-this is...so...unlike...'' She now started to cough. Natsuki had totally lost it and if she would continue to do this it would only be a matter of time before Midori would reach unconsciousness.
Finally Natsuki released Midori. ''Don't ever come back here or I'll kill you. Leave us alone! It's your fault she's gone!''
''Us?'' Midori repeated. She didn't quite understand what this meant but she knew for a fact that it couldn't mean anything good.
''Leave!'' Natsuki yelled hysterically.
Midori raised her hands in the air. ''Calm down. Don't shoot. I'll leave.'' And with that she slowly stepped out of the room. Her eyes never left those of Natsuki.
When Natsuki heard the front door close after a couple of seconds she slowly sat down against the wall, her head put in her hands. ''What's happening to me?''
''Is she gone?'' Shizuru's voice came causing Natsuki to look up again at her dead lover.
''Where were you?'' The blue haired HiME managed to ask. Right now she wasn't sure what to believe anymore.
''I was afraid. She wanted to take me away from you again.'' Shizuru whispered. With that said she bend down and sat next to Natsuki, putting her arm around the girl. ''Don't be sad, love. I'm still here. I won't ever leave you again. I'll be here with you until you decide...''
''I won't join you.'' Natsuki stated.
''Not yet.'' Shizuru corrected the other who suddenly had lost all the will power to disagree. ''Not yet,'' She repeated before resting her head against Natsuki shoulder. ''I love you.''
For the first time today Natsuki replied to her words. ''I love you too,''
Upon hearing this a small smile appeared on the brunette's lips. ''I know you do.'' Ofcourse Natsuki managed to miss the evil glint in her eyes.
-----
''She has completely lost it!'' Midori yelled against no one in particular. ''It's like she's living in her own world and we're the bad guys. I was just trying to freaking help her!'' She took a deep breath. ''I should calm down. This isn't helping anyone.'' She paused. ''Maybe I should tell the others.'' Then again, maybe she shouldn't. She had seen the state Natsuki was in. Who knew who she would attack the next time. She had been lucky that Natsuki released her just in time.
A loud knock on the door was enough for her to snap out of her thoughts. She took another deep breath before walking towards the front door. At first she wasn't sure whether to answer it or not because of the strange feeling she had but then finally she opened the door. ''Yes?''
She went wide eyed when she saw Nao standing in front of her. She still hadn't changed much since the last time she had seen her. ''Nao...'' She whispered in shock. Why would the girl even bother to visit her?
A smirk appeared on the other girl's lips. ''Midori.'' She said, trying to copy the exact same tone in her voice as the other had just used.
''What brings you here?''
Nao shrugged before she started to dig in her pocket and pulled out a small newspaper article. ''This is what brought me here.''
Chapter Two
- The Accident -
- The Accident -
Nao hesitated for a moment before pulling a newspaper article out of her pocket and held it up for Midori to see. ''This is what brings me here.'' She replied, staring right into the other girl's eyes with a determined look on her face. ''Care to explain?'' Midori just sighed and gestured her to come in. At first she wanted to just stay outside until she got her answer but the look on Midori's face told her it wasn't that easy as she thought it would be.
Slowly she stepped into the hall as Midori closed the front door behind her. ''Don't mention the mess.'' The teacher said before making her way to the livingroom, followed by the other red haired girl. ''Why don't you take a seat and make yourself comfortable. I'll get some tea.''
It was already dark outside which was no surprise since it was already past midnight. Midori couldn't help it but wonder why Nao had chosen such a time as this to pay a visit. ''No thanks,'' Nao replied in a somewhat polite way. Something Midori hadn't heard before from the younger girl. ''I just want my answer. I didn't come here for small talk. This article, is it true?''
Midori sighed as she watched how Nao threw some books off the couch before sitting down. ''It's true. This is the reason why...''
The other cut her off. ''Why Kuga hasn't showed up at school. I figured as much. What I'd like to know is why you're hiding it. I knew you were aware of this so called accident they're talking about in this article. How a teenager died a painful dead after...''
''Nao.'' Midori cut the other off. ''I don't need to hear such things. I'm very well aware that Shizuru died in a horrible way. Don't remind me.''
''They didn't mention what exactly happened though,'' Nao went on. ''That's why I am here. Something tells me this accident had more to it.''
Midori shrugged before leaning against the wall with a tired look on her face. ''You're telling me. Shizuru had gone out for groceries. She was just about to cross the street when suddenly a car drove into her direction at full speed. She died in the hospital. She said it didn't hurt but the docters told me she was suffering. I was the first they called since they couldn't reach Natsuki or her family.''
''Why didn't you tell anyone at school?'' Nao wanted to know.
''I tried.'' Midori whispered. ''But I couldn't tell them. They would all try to cheer Natsuki up and that's the last thing she wants right now. She hates pity. I figured it was best to leave her alone but now I'm starting to doubt it. It's like she's completely lost it.''
''Completely lost it...'' Nao echoed.
Midori nodded. ''She just attacked me when I paid her a visit. Yelling at me to leave her alone. No, she said I had to leave 'them' alone.''
The younger girl who had been listening carefully dropped the article she was holding and looked up at the other with a questioning look on her face. ''Them?'' She asked. ''Who else was there with her?''
''No one. And that's the problem.''
Nao gazed down at the floor for a moment before smiling bitterly. ''I knew it. That ultra lesbian tea woman has gotten to her brain. She's losing it just like that Fujino woman lost it when she almost...''
Midori cut her off. ''Nao!'' She hissed, pushing herself away from the wall. ''I know you disliked both Natsuki as Shizuru but at least show some respect. After all, I don't need to remind you that they're the reason you're here. Isn't that so?''
''Honestly, I don't know why I came here. I guess I just needed someone to confirm this story.'' With that said she bend down a little to pick up the article. She glared at it for a couple of seconds before focussing on the teacher in front of her again. ''As for Kuga. Just leave her alone. Let her destroy herself. Eventually she will wake up and realize that mourning and crying, being depressed and yell won't bring that tea woman back.''
''Shizuru.'' Midori corrected the other who just closed her eyes and shrugged as if she didn't care. Coming here however had already comfirmed that Natsuki or Shizuru had indeed some effect on her. She just wasn't willing to admit it yet. Who knew, maybe she had started to secretly like Natsuki. They had a lot in common after all. ''And don't say such things. I've seen Natsuki today. I saw it in her eyes. All the pain and confusion. She's suffering Nao.''
The younger red head took a deep breath as if considering what kind of comment she would make on that. Much to Midori's surprise all Nao did was get up and slowly walk towards the door that led to the hall. ''Thanks for the answer. Sorry about the time though.'' She said when she realized that it was indeed pretty late by looking at the clock which hung on the wall.
Midori just nodded. She had ofcourse noticed the strange way of how Nao was dealing with everything. Usually she was mean and couldn't care less about others but this time seemed different. She was almost acting as if she cared. And maybe she did care. Who knew? ''Goodnight.''
Nao turned her head and opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again. She didn't feel like saying anything or doing something to annoy Midori. Instead she just turned her head back and walked out of the room. Leaving Midori behind.
------
Shizuru stared at Natsuki. Or rather, at the paper Natsuki was holding. "Natsuki, I am not going to pretend to be talking to you while you're holding the newspaper in front of your face. I really don't feel like talking to an article about the rain forest.'' She paused for a moment. ''Put that down.'' Natsuki simply ignored her and continued to hold the paper up, not wanting to face Shizuru's eyes just yet. The decision however was taken from her as Shizuru yanked the paper out of her hands.
In annoyance the blue haired girl fell down on the couch she had been sitting on and turned around to face the ceiling above her.
''Are you still ignoring me?'' Shizuru wondered out loud as she walked circles around the couch Natsuki was lying on. The blue haired girl didn't reply anything. Instead of that she just kept staring at the ceiling, blocking out all the sounds the brunette was making. ''My dearest Natsuki,'' The other went on. ''I know you're confused. I know you're hurt but I can assure you. I love you and I just want what's best for you.''
Natsuki smiled bitterly but didn't reply to anything. Instead she just listened as Shizuru continued. If she really loved her she would be asking Natsuki to move on, to be happy. Not to kill herself to be with Shizuru again. That wasn't like the brunette. Besides, this couldn't be the woman she once knew, the woman she once loved. This had to be some sort of trick. 'If Nagi is behind this I'll kill him.'
''Don't be silly.'' Shizuru stated. ''Nagi isn't behind my appearance. He disappeared after the festival along with Mashiro, remember?'' She paused for a moment. By the tone in her voice you could hear that she was losing her patience. She had been trying to get Natsuki to talk for over an hour now and so far nothing had, had any effect. ''I am here because I wanted to. I didn't want to be without you. It was a living hell even if heaven. I want you with me Natsuki.''
'No you don't. I will never be with you. I'll be with Shizuru. You're not her.' Natsuki thought, knowing that the ghost or whatever she was could hear her thoughts.
''Why won't you believe me, love? You said you loved me before. Why can't you just trust me?'' The brunette asked. With that said she crawled on top of the blue haired girl. It remained silent until she could hear Natsuki's heart beat in her chest. She just sat there, staring down into her lover's eyes. ''Look at me Natsuki. Do I look like I'm dangerous? You can do to me whatever you want. I'm all yours.''
'Go away.' Natsuki hissed in her thoughts. So far for the whole 'ignoring' plan.
''I can't. That'll be the same as letting you down. Letting us down.'' Shizuru replied. Natsuki's eyes just fell on the newspaper she had been reading earlier. It was now lying on the table. That thing was her only way out of this. She could use it like a shield just like she had done before. If she would face Shizuru any longer she knew she would end up giving in.
''Just hand me that newspaper. I was reading it.''
''Do I get a kiss?'' The brunette chirped, her eyes never leaving the other girl's.
''You can get a...'' Natsuki started but didn't finish. Somehow she was very well aware that she might be hurting the other girl. 'What if she is the real thing? What if she really is Shizuru? I can't push her away then. Maybe being dead is making her sound so scary and cruel. What if...' She couldn't even think anymore when her lips suddenly met Shizuru's for a kiss.
At first she didn't react but once again she couldn't help it but give in to the temptation. Whoever this was, she felt just like the real Shizuru. This couldn't be the real one, could it? Finally she found herself pulling the brunette closed by putting her arms around the girl's waist. She could even feel Shizuru moan into the kiss. 'What if she is Shizuru?' A voice in her head kept asking.
Wasn't this what she wanted? To be with Shizuru forever? To be reunited again with her beloved girlfriend?
After a while they parted again. Natsuki seemed to be the only one who was actually out of breath. When she finally realized what she had been doing she dropped her arms by her side and looked away, focussing on the table and the newspaper. "Look at me Natsuki," Shizuru demanded with a harsh tone in her voice. Natsuki continued to stare at the table though. "Look at me, please?" Shizuru's voice had softened. It didn't sound like a demand any longer but more like a plead this time.
After a few seconds Natsuki gave in once more, staring right into her lover's eyes. ''Do you believe that I'm Shizuru, my love?''
Natsuki swallowed hard. Did she really believe that or was she just confused. Was she sure about it or wasn't she? Right now she didn't know the answer to any of her questions. ''Natsuki?'' The brunette's voice echoed at the back of her mind.
''I do,'' The blue haired girl finally sighed, losing all her will power and doubts. She couldn't do this any longer. Shizuru or not, she needed and missed the girl too much to keep this up. ''I do.'' She repeated before pulling Shizuru down to kiss her once more. This time a lot more passionate than before.
------
Nao slowly closed the front door behind her before stepping into the hall, hoping that she hadn't woken her mother up. Much to her dismay it seemed like her mother had been waiting for her because the moment she stepped into the livingroom the lights were switched on. ''And where were you?''
A nervous giggle escaped the red haired girl's lips. ''Out?'' She asked as if she needed her mother to confirm her own words first.
Her mother however just rolled her eyes. She clearly didn't believe her daughter. ''Right. Now honestly, where were you. You've been acting weird ever since this morning. You're not pregnant are you?''
''What does that have to do with me sneaking out of the house?'' Nao raised an eyebrow. ''And ofcourse I'm not pregnant.''
''I know that.'' Her mother laughed, suddenly she sounded less serious than before. More amused this time. ''I was just worried about you. That's all. I'm glad you're home.''
The red haired girl shivered. She still had to get used to the idea of having someone who actually cared. She still was planning on telling her mother about the whole HiME happening from the past. She just hadn't found the right time yet. After all, how would her mother react to such a revelation? ''I'm fine. You can go to bed now.'' She finally said.
''Not until you tell me what you have been doing. You know you don't need to go out in secret if you want to see your boyfriend.''
''Mother...'' Nao started but was cut off by the older woman.
''I'm just messing with ya.'' Her mother said with a bright smile on her lips. ''The docter was right. I feel a lot better.''
Nao sweatdropped. ''Honestly woman,'' She sighed. ''You're starting to scare me now.''
''At least you know where you got your attitude from now, don't you?'' Her mother stated with a wink. ''So I'm guessing it's a girlfriend then. I have to admit that I am a bit amused by the whole idea of you dating a girl. After all...''
This time she was the one being interrupted. ''Mom!'' Nao yelped. ''I'm not a lesbian for crying out loud. Just because I am interested in the whole Fujino accident doesn't mean I'm using her as my idol. Men all the way.''
''Right,'' Nao's mother rolled her eyes. ''Ofcourse. How could I think such a thing.'' The last part was accompanied by a sarcastic tone of voice. ''Anyway, the Fujino accident?''
''Yeah.'' Nao nodded, taking off her coat as she went on. ''Some chick from my school died in a car crash. Some guy got it into his thick little head to drive while being drunk enough to run naked through a field of lions with meat on his neck.''
''What?''
''Never mind. He didn't really do that but in his state he would've been able to,'' She paused for a moment. ''Why the hell am I even explaining myself here?''
''I don't know.'' Her mother said. ''So this girl who died, you were a friend of hers?''
''No.'' Nao shook her head. ''I can't stand that tea woman after she killed Ju...'' Quickly she covered her mouth. She had to think fo an excuse to get out of the conversation quick.
''I won't ask. For now.'' Her mother said, not willing to wait for her daughter to start excusing herself. ''But if you hate her that much then why are you interested in all of this? Why would you care?'' She asked. She knew for a fact that her daughter had grown to be the type of person who stayed away from everything she disliked. She just wanted to understand and get the whole picture.
''Because,'' Nao suddenly shut her mouth again. It hadn't been until now that she realized she hadn't been lying before while talking to Midori. She really had no idea why she cared. ''Because...''
''I see.'' Her mother said with a smile before getting up. ''Goodnight, Nao.''
''Goodnight.'' Nao whispered as her mother switched the lights off again and walked out of the room, leaving her confused daughter behind.
To Be Continued
