Over the weekend I took a long hard look at my life and realized that I am a horrible friend. I lie, I get jealous, I relentlessly say things I shouldn't and have no second thoughts on it whatsoever. I rarely apologize for anything unless I absolutely feel the need. I keep secrets I shouldn't and blab secrets I should keep secret, I don't tell people what's wrong with me and I instead tell people what's wrong with them and what they should do to fix what's wrong with them rather than fixing what's wrong with me. I blame everyone else but me and I don't think through anything I do. I pick favorites and shun others, I bend the truth to my favor and can't stand criticism, yet I criticize everyone else. I prejudize people, I'm a hypocite to the extreme, I expect the world to be handed to me on a silver plate, I expect people to keep their day open so I can spend time with them, and I expect others to stop whatever they're doing to entertain me. I'm highly defiant and do what I want despite how it may affect others. I do cruel, irresponsible, inappropriate, and uncalled-for things and expect people to be fine with it. If they aren't, I shrug it off and make them feel unimportant, and expect them to still like me. When I'm happy, everything's just fine, but when I'm angry or depressed, I drag people down in a bad mood with me. When I do apologize for something, I expect people to just accept it and move on, and when they don't I wonder why and get all bitchy. I lose my trust and reliability in the people that matter most to me and I expect them to get over it and believe me again. Not only that, but I'm highly reptetive and it gets very annoying to everyone. I have far too much pride to admit when I'm wrong, and when I verbally admit to it, mentally I still think I'm right. I'm self-righteous and over-protective yet overly apathetic. I always have to have my own way and I get huffy if anything goes otherwise. I do things to my loved ones(bad things) and yell at them when they do the same to me. I am dramatic(usually soap opera-ish)
There is so much more wrong with me, and I don't have the time or memory to write all of them. This is only scratching the surface of my flaws, major and minor, and I try to make it up to people but I end up blowing it. I regret doing and being and saying all of these things, but what I regret more is not being able to change this about myself, and not having enough sense to drop some of my pride, if not all of it, and ask for help. I only hope that one day I can get over the way I treat people and become a far better person. I don't want to lose my friends because of how I act, what I say and do, and how I go about fixing things.
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Father into your hands I commend my spirit, Father into your hands. Why have you forsaken me? In your eyes foresaken me? In your thoughts foresaken me? In your heart foresaken me? Trust in my self-righteous suicide. I cry when angels deserve to die...
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darkest mind Community Member 
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Kida Yuri
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