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I'm sorry I get so jealous
I'm sorry I keep you from your friends
I'm sorry I am so clingy
I'm sorry I suffocate you
I'm sorry I am a menace to you
I'm sorry I embarrass you
I'm sorry I make you uncomfortable
I'm sorry I control you
I'm sorry I am the way I am
I try to change
I really do
But I can't help regressing back to the way I used to be
I look back at the things I had done to you
How it must have made me look
How it must have made you feel
I feel like such a fu**ing idiot for my words and actions
And when I came to you in tears
And I apologized
You acted like nothing happened
Like what I did was nothing to fret about
And with open arms you accepted me again
And you were completely unmoved about how I had been
But the guilt inside of me is overbearing
The weight of my burden far too difficult to carry on my shoulders
I don't want to be told "It's alright."
I don't want to be told "It isn't your fault."
I don't want to be told "There's nothing you could have done."
I don't want to feel like I'm innocent
I don't want to feel like I did nothing wrong
I don't want to feel like I was the victim
I don't want to feel like I was completely right about what I did
And that the others were all to blame
I want to take responsibility for the things I should have taken care of
To take responsibility for the people I should have taken care of
I want to be told "I told you so"
I want to be told "You were wrong"
I want to be told "You could have done better"
Because I hate feeling like I'm the one always saying these things
And it makes me feel like such a horrible person
So I go to you and try to tell you this and I cry
But not out of sorrow
I cry out of happiness
I cry out of relief
I cry out of purification
That I could finally tell you these things
Before I gave out from all of the tension
And all of the yearning
And all of the secrets
And the grief
And the pain
And the suffrage
And love
And loss
And loneliness
Before I gave out from being second or third or seventy-eighth
Because I wanted everyone else to be happy
Because I wanted you to be happy
Because I wanted you
Because I love you...
And for all of this, I'm sorry......