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Fandom: xxxHolic
Pairing: Watanuki x Doumeki
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I do not claim these characters, they belong to CLAMP! This chapter takes place during Volume 10. POV still switched to Doumeki.. A lot more emo drama... I hate to admit it... And it's a bit short... but.. yeath...

Chapter 9
Chapter 8
Chapter 7
Chapter 6
Chapter 5
Chapter 4
Chapter 3
Chapter 2
Chapter 1
Prologue

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He never once asked what the water had been for, and even the corpse in the window was nothinging compared to what happened a few weeks later. Watanuki had seen Doumeki's grandfather in a dream, and he was told to carry a balloon with him. The idiot gave it away. He was always trying to make others happy, never once considering what would happen to himself, not caring what Doumeki thought. How long had they been together? And still Watanuki pretended nothing was happening, that Kunogi was more important to him, and hoping that the outside world would only see that.

He was jealous, and starting to resent Kunogi. He had never disliked another person so much, and under normal circumstances, he would have had nothing against Kunogi, but when he saw Watanuki fall from that window...

Doumeki would do anything to save the live of the one he loved. The price was too high for him to pay himself, Kunogi came, and someone else paid as well. Kunogi wanted to be in on the payment, it was her fault anyway, along with the fact that Watanuki had not listened to Haruka.

But no, he couldn't blame them. It was his own fault. He had told Watanuki to meet up with him after club activities. He should have never left Watanuki alone that day.

"I could have prevented that," he said, his yukata stained with blood. He had watched a sleeping Watanuki for a long time. Eyes fixed on his chest as it rose and fall with each breath. So peaceful, so ignorant. Then he stood up, and was soon on his way home from Yuuko's shop. Angry, very angry. The last time he remembered being this angry was when Watanuki had lost his eye to the Spider's grudge. How long ago had that been? It seemed like forever.

"Because Himawari-chan is the one I like the most...I am glad to have met you."

Had he really lost to Kunogi? After all they had been through? The nights they spent together.. the eye... and damn, the sex! What was wrong with that boy?

"Maybe I'm the idiot," he said, walking onto the temple grounds. His mother rushed over in a panic trying to make sure he was okay.

"I'm fine," he said reassuringly, but it didn't seem to be enough. He was a little dizzy from the bloodloss, and overall tired, but nothing more than that. The things he did for Watanuki. The things he did for an idiot. And did he still mean nothing to Watanuki?

"Because Himawari-chan is the one I like the most..."

When he was finally able to convince his mom that he was alright, he had settled into a hot bath, staring at the ceiling. He tried so hard to get comfortable, but no possition seemed to work.

No wonder Watanuki had never been able to tell Doumeki that he loved him. He wasn't. Wasn't in love. Maybe that was the real reason he had decided to keep their relationship secret, so Kunogi wouldn't know. So he could be with her.

"Because Himawari-chan is the one I like the most..."

He suddenly felt very... used. Maybe Watanuki had only been in it for the sex. He could remember how much Watanuki whined the first time, it had taken a lot of convincing. He thought about a lot of things. Their first real date, while technically he had gone with the younger twin, and Watanuki the older, it kind of counted. The first time they met. What kind of circumstances had that been?

It had been middle school. Before they had even met Kunogi. A soccer game during their gym class. And later they had argued. About what? He couldn't even remember, all he remembered was how cute Watanuki was when he was angry. It wasn't long at all before they actually got together, and he couldn't even remember what he had done to make Watanuki blush and smile. He wanted to do that again, to spark that moment in Watanuki now. To make him remember Doumeki, and forget about Kunogi.

"Because Himawari-chan is the one I like the most..."

He let himself sink under the water in the tub, feeling the soothing heat on his skin, in his hair. He wanted to pretend nothing existed but him and the tub. Would Watanuki be happier if he wasn't around? If he could be with Kunogi.

"What stupid thoughts," he said aloud after surfacing. If Doumeki had not been around, there was no way Watanuki would even be around now. And that was more painful than the thought of loosing him to Kunogi. So he decided, he would do his best. To see Watanuki smile... for him.