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Well, I for one am terribly depressed today. I know not totally the cause.. It could be Derrick still. : / Grrr myself why can't you just freakin

Or maybe it's the fact that tomorrow is the last day of school. Today was a half day, 2 exams, same tomorrow... Then there's the fact that Derrick walked off randomly to be with his.. gf.. ; / and our bus was parked right in front of where they were sitting outside. And he was holding her (or had his arm wrapped around her) And was playing with her hair and all that sweet stuff I never get. Maybe that's it. I never get compassion with somebody I take to. D: Just heartbreak. It's why I don't fall in love very often. Or get crushes. I'm better off loving nobody.
At times, he makes it seem as though there's a slight chance we could get together.. Like last night D: when he said he wanted me bad. ha. I felt it was just a temporary longing. I'm probably right. crying I hate love. I dislike seeing couples walk down the hallways holding hands and holding each other while I'm holding my guitar and walking alone. I hate noone. I hate nothing. The only thing I hate is love and it's cruel effects on me and everyone around me. At times I dislike something to the point I call it "hate", but I simply loathe Love with a burning passion to the point I've at first named it hated. Bottom line, underline, dot in pen and withdraw. </3~

And now I feel bad for my internet bf.. He's so sweet and offers so much. At the time being I currently dislike everyone. I do this sometimes.. It's only temporary, but I'm putting a wall up to try to rebuild the structure after the hurricane. I like nobody right now, though I do offer kind friendliness, inside I withold strong dislike. It won't last forever, but anyway, back to my bf.
I'm sure I would feel much better if he were here to hold me instead of (yet again) on the other side of the country. But he's not. He's not here. I'm putting a temporary block between us as well, only more compassionately... as in, he won't know unless asked of it and I won't show it. Poor thing.. I love him dearly. He's my big brother whom I care for greatly.. And I would never mean to hurt him.. Neither anyone of you or anyone else unless you are based so low you deserve a sophisticated scolding, which I happen to offer.

In other news, I want Sibelius D: So badly.. please come to me... And that contest. These belong in the reminders. Which will begin. Ta, for now.

REMINDERS:
-Attain/crack Sibelius or something
-Learn emote animator and make Gothic scene for contest
-Tomorrow is last day of school
-UPDATE A CHIBI STORY/all other stories
-Keep your cap against.
-Music, singing, everything.
-Finish that Classy Drawing.
-Don't cry. You don't cry.
-Hey Gackt.. D: