I realize. ._. I. Can be very. Odd at times. Well all the time. o+o
I think I need to go see Josie again. My depression keeps hitting me like a wave then inches back, feeling happy again for a moment, only getting ready to hit again. xD
Like. If you met me for the first time and followed me though one day, you would think I was bi-polar I swear. xD Like, I am easily swayed between a fine line of happiness and sorrow, you have no idea. xD Though I hate talking about it, but when I do I can't help it. I can't help not being able to talk to people, but I get worried that I am annoying them with my rants. I just tell myself too shut the ******** up so those who are thinking it wont have to be mean. xD
Somtimes I think I am bi-polar. o.O
... .___. I get parannoied easily too. Like. Youhavenoideaomg easily. Dx
I am easily scared too. x.x But. Of myself. Well. Things that my mind thinks up anyway. Something I fear is the dark I suppose. o.O But. Not nesicarily the dark itself but...what my mind portrays for what is IN the dark. And when I say scared. I mean....scared. I start shaking and stuff. I once made myself cry! xDD So you can only asume what the hell goes on in MY mind. =D
I honestly have no idea why I am writting all of this. Maybe an inner venting thing or something. Thats another thing. I vent too damn much or keep too much in. x.x
I honestly have issues. I know. Possibly Jessica will comment to this saying I don't. But truth is. I do. xD
I mean. You gotta be pretty ******** up for someone like me. *Hits at my head* Right? x.x My personality seems to be a bit too outgoing for many people or too wishy-washy. Guys more so. xD Maybe thats why I can't hold one down long enough for them to really get to know me. Or I somehow ******** up.
Bleeegh. I hate jealousy. And envy. But lately. I have been getting alot of it. It's as if I am nit picking at myself. Trying to see my faults. >> Even things I would hate to do, or never would wanna try, it's like I have to be best at everything! x.x Nothing forced. But. Like it's my job. I have to be on top. >> I have to be leader. I want too...*Le sigh* Dx I guess maybe it's because I want to be remebered for something. Because I always feel something is gonna happen too me eary in life. Like...I am gonna die young. ._.
It's like I was brain-washed at birth. .__. Anyway.
I guess it's pretty sad. That I have to vent though black and white words rather then saying anything. But I feel like I have no one I really can talk too...., for. For 15 years. I have never had a best best freind. Ya know? I mean...all freinds I have now I love to death but...it's like they can't open up too me. No one can, it seems. Before, I was used. Like...I should be just remained at the second wheel until I am needed then thrown back away. Now it's like I am just here to be here. >> Sometimes I wonder if I made a diffrence in anyones life at all. *Sigh* Maybe thats why I am so easily open and clingy...and why I am so afraid of people hating me. x.x *Kicks at the ground with a sigh*...Yea. That is sad...When I can show how I am feeling better on a computer than in life....
Bascially. I fail. ._. *Poofs away in my failure*
*Poofs back* And please. If your only going to gimme the pity boat. Don't respond to this.
In fact. Don't respond at all. : D Thank you.
*Poofs once more with fail*
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Where my heart and laughter are splurged.
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