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(( Edit: This entire post took a total of 3.15 minutes to write. ))
This is going to be a place where I'm going to vent everything right now. My mother is seriously pissing me off, and it seems like I can never get my point across to her. It's always, "Don't use that tone of voice with me.", or even, "Don't you give me that look.". 'Ok,' I say, 'I'll stop using that tone of voice. I'll stop looking at you strangely.' Then she just goes and explodes because I'm looking at her a different way she doesn't like, and my tone of voice now is cynical instead of sarcastic. Oh really, I never would have noticed had you not pointed out that obvious bit of information.
Ah yes, it just happens to be that little thing we call cynicism creeping into my voice. Cripes.
Can't anybody understand me? Even at school, I'm viewed as something completely different than what I actually am. I become a completely labelled object, as if somebody could just scan me under a barcode and I'd be worth more or less than someone else. If I attempted to explain everything that went on in my head, most people would probably either laugh me out of existence or throw me in the ******** asylum.
There, I'm kidding myself again. I'm not crazy enough to be anywhere near an asylum, just as most other kids think they'll end up there but won't ever set foot inside one during their short lives. Oh yes, all of us are mentally unstable; we all deserve to be locked up, just like all the other children.
Well, shortly after my mom lectured me for being sick, I had sudden thoughts of suicide. Wasn't that just a blast in the sandbox, huh kids? Take a knife to my throat right then and there. Seriously, in the kitchen, there's more than enough good knives for that purpose.
But, then, I can't really see why I want to kill myself. Maybe it's the feelings that nobody understands, no matter how much I explain. Words don't say anything, they're just words. This whole ******** journal is a waste of time, in fact, because they're just words.
How convenient.
How ******** convenient.
 Fushinkosha · Wed Nov 03, 2004 @ 02:27am · 0 Comments |
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