Hm.
It seems odd really...
Lately it feels as if I had been growing distant with him. Well...no. That's a lie.
I am growing distant with him. And appearently he can see it in me too.
It's not the sickness...though he blames that for my actions, I can't tell him why.
I know it's because of my effections. I love him. Oh. I love him so much.
But...just. Not as strongly as he loves me.
Though my thoughts have been working in overtime lately. So much mood and changed emotions.
I thought I felt a false love...
I thought it was a blissful dream.
I thought it was a resentment against a past memory.
I thought we were temporary. I thought it was going to be forever...
To be a dog again. Him to be the dog...
So many mood swings and realizations with this relationship.
Appearently it's alright to love even if you don't love with your whole heart.
But it seems I have come to a realization about it. I do love him. I do. But not with everything I have. A scar still burns into my heart. But I have a strong feeling it will fade as my time with him grows.
But I relized to much today...
He...isn't going to be there in the morning. And this is the first time...
The first time since I have been with him that...I feel so.
So...misplaced. Empty.
So.....
Lonely.
'Hey there my Delilah...'
I have been thinking about it. If I ended up leaving my home...and completely entering his. I have thought about it...
The possibility of moving in together...
THe possibility of being closer....
The possibility of marriage....
Of my future being swollowed by only him. Though now. As I think about it.
I wouldn't really mind...for him to be the first thing I see when I wake up.
To greet in the morning. Welcome home in the evening.
Gonzaga has everything I want. Everything I asked for. The classes. The schedule. The enviornment....
*Smile* I know I don't look to him as strongly as he does to me. And it worries him...I can tell. For fear of those two years apart I might replace him in my heart. Honestly I don't know the true answer to that question. It's true maybe my love isn't strong enough to not be swayed by another in a long absence.
But...that dosen't mean I would be willing to give it my all if I could grow to love him.
Grandpa told me....when he met my grandma. It wasen't love at first site.
Yet my grandma said that the moment she had saw my grandpa. She told him that she knew in her heart he was the man she wanted to marry.
He didn't feel the same...but that dosen't mean he didn't love her at all.
Even after she died. His love grows strong for her. He still cries.
His heart still aches.
My grandpa has still such a strong longing for my grandma. A love that was made from time, effort, and willingness.
The time taken for effort to make a willingness to love.
That's what it was.
'Your my Juliet...'
Perhaps I won't end up with him in the future. Perhaps neither of us will last these two years apart.
But that sure as hell dosen't mean I wont give it my all and try.
I will make sure to live the rest of my time with my love to the fullest! *Hits my chest with a determined look*
Kelli and I, I think, are possibly the most god-damned determined and headstrong women I have ever known.
We are so strong to be able to handle this...most people would crack.
But. Not us. ^^
So this is what I say to you.
BRING IT WORLD! *Flexes* GIve me everything yah got, you know why?!
Because I have opened my eyes! I see now all I would ever need in my life is love.
It dosen't matter what type...just as long it is unconditional.
...*Tears up* The two of us can take anything you got. Yah hear me?! ANYTHING. Because we have eachother! A relationship may pass, but that feeling of being alive and loved will remain with us for the rest of our lives. We are strong!
'...will you be my princess?'
It seems odd really...
Lately it feels as if I had been growing distant with him. Well...no. That's a lie.
I am growing distant with him. And appearently he can see it in me too.
It's not the sickness...though he blames that for my actions, I can't tell him why.
I know it's because of my effections. I love him. Oh. I love him so much.
But...just. Not as strongly as he loves me.
Though my thoughts have been working in overtime lately. So much mood and changed emotions.
I thought I felt a false love...
I thought it was a blissful dream.
I thought it was a resentment against a past memory.
I thought we were temporary. I thought it was going to be forever...
To be a dog again. Him to be the dog...
So many mood swings and realizations with this relationship.
Appearently it's alright to love even if you don't love with your whole heart.
But it seems I have come to a realization about it. I do love him. I do. But not with everything I have. A scar still burns into my heart. But I have a strong feeling it will fade as my time with him grows.
But I relized to much today...
He...isn't going to be there in the morning. And this is the first time...
The first time since I have been with him that...I feel so.
So...misplaced. Empty.
So.....
Lonely.
'Hey there my Delilah...'
I have been thinking about it. If I ended up leaving my home...and completely entering his. I have thought about it...
The possibility of moving in together...
THe possibility of being closer....
The possibility of marriage....
Of my future being swollowed by only him. Though now. As I think about it.
I wouldn't really mind...for him to be the first thing I see when I wake up.
To greet in the morning. Welcome home in the evening.
Gonzaga has everything I want. Everything I asked for. The classes. The schedule. The enviornment....
*Smile* I know I don't look to him as strongly as he does to me. And it worries him...I can tell. For fear of those two years apart I might replace him in my heart. Honestly I don't know the true answer to that question. It's true maybe my love isn't strong enough to not be swayed by another in a long absence.
But...that dosen't mean I would be willing to give it my all if I could grow to love him.
Grandpa told me....when he met my grandma. It wasen't love at first site.
Yet my grandma said that the moment she had saw my grandpa. She told him that she knew in her heart he was the man she wanted to marry.
He didn't feel the same...but that dosen't mean he didn't love her at all.
Even after she died. His love grows strong for her. He still cries.
His heart still aches.
My grandpa has still such a strong longing for my grandma. A love that was made from time, effort, and willingness.
The time taken for effort to make a willingness to love.
That's what it was.
'Your my Juliet...'
Perhaps I won't end up with him in the future. Perhaps neither of us will last these two years apart.
But that sure as hell dosen't mean I wont give it my all and try.
I will make sure to live the rest of my time with my love to the fullest! *Hits my chest with a determined look*
Kelli and I, I think, are possibly the most god-damned determined and headstrong women I have ever known.
We are so strong to be able to handle this...most people would crack.
But. Not us. ^^
So this is what I say to you.
BRING IT WORLD! *Flexes* GIve me everything yah got, you know why?!
Because I have opened my eyes! I see now all I would ever need in my life is love.
It dosen't matter what type...just as long it is unconditional.
...*Tears up* The two of us can take anything you got. Yah hear me?! ANYTHING. Because we have eachother! A relationship may pass, but that feeling of being alive and loved will remain with us for the rest of our lives. We are strong!
'...will you be my princess?'
~I don't want this moment. To ever end.
When everything is nothing. Without you.
I wait here forever just to, to see you smile. Cause it's true. I am nothing. Without you.~
When everything is nothing. Without you.
I wait here forever just to, to see you smile. Cause it's true. I am nothing. Without you.~
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