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I don't know.
I really. Don't know. I DONT KNOW OKAY!?
I have no idea whats wrong with me.
My aches....they keep moving. Getting worse. Man.
I can't even keep my hand proped up without it hurtting...
But I don't think that is the reason.
It seems my temper is racing. My heart seems to be breaking.
I am starting to hate again.
Everything.
Everyone. *Rubs my forehead* I don't want to go back to that place...
But somehow...I seem to be. So.
Miserable.
Restless. Why? I know not.
I am worring Tanner. More hateful to Kelli....to Jessica. Everyone.
I hate comming home.
I'm. More sensitive to words.
Tears so easily started. Why....
I don't want things to be this way again.
No one has seen me in this state as I was before....
Having to hide in a closet to shead freedom and tears in peace or enclose myself under a bed, hidden to the corner to clear my thoughts.
Maybe I am a nut job. Maybe.
Or perhaps not. My burst of uncontrolable laughter are not good either.
When I do laugh lately....or smile. It seems forced. Having to hold back from crying.
Why?
I want to be normal again. Why am I taking everything to the a** appearently?!
Who gives a s**t for a ******** poptart! Or a wrongly said phrase! It's not their fault...
They are the ones being themselves.
And what am I doing?
Beating myself and everyone else up.
I don't want to hide. But I can't keep appologizing because...soon enough no one will want to take it to the heart. I don't want to get out of bed anymore.
I don't want to do well in school. I want to sleep.
Forever now.
I just want to sleep through this feeling. Maybe it will pass.
I am starting to break, I can feel it.
Maybe soon enough I wont be able to be as strong as I was before when this happend...Argh. *Headdesk*
But that's life I guess.
Gotta....haul it on my back myself. I can't but this on anyone else.
I don't care what they say but they don't know what will come if they take it off my shoulders.
Uncontroled attention and rage. Just bullshit. I admit it even to myself...im scared sometimes.
I might do or say something I regret soon. So I don't want anyone to have that chance. I just can't keep saying everything is fine when it's not with me. But...how can I make them understand if I don't even know?
It's just frustrating is all....So. Tiring.
Maybe I should go to bed....