Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's been five years since I moved here to Texas. Five, incredibly, long years. Let me rephrase that a bit. Five incredibly hot and humid, long years. I'm a little surprised I haven't had a sun stroke or something like that.

Originally, I had moved her with my husband, Jake Alexander. We had planned to have a few kids and live happily ever after, but after he was killed in a gang related shooting, my dreams of living happily ever after dissapeared. Hell, I could barely live now that he was dead.

I have never been a girly-girl, but now I am even worse then before. My once golden hair had faded into a dull light brown and it was usually pulled back, my light blue eyes had also turned dull and a bit grey, and the once beautiful, bright clothes that I had worn were no longer found in my closet. Instead there were dark shirts and old jeans that had so many holes in them I was surprised they still covered my a**. Although, I look so much different I still managed to turn a few boys heads and got a few of them to whistle, but not as much as when Jake had been alive. God I missed him.

His smile had always made my bad days into good ones, but now the only way I could make my days good was to close my eyes and picture his face and try to remember his touch. It was hard, but somehow I always found a way to move on.

Now that I think about it, this is the hardest thing I had to deal with right now. I had been with him since I was twelve and then having him taken away from me nine years later was hard to deal with. It's been two years since his untimely death, but I still could barely do anything without breaking down and crying my eyes out. I don't think I will ever get over him. He is a part of me now and that can't change, no matter how hard someone wants it to be gone.

Hell, I was probably the one that wanted it gone, but then again I was also the one who wanted it to be there. If he died completely that would be the end. Well, the end for me, not him. He was already dead, he can't die again... or can he?