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Ok, so I love this girl ~ I know its love because I can feel every single emotion,
at the same time, won't ever stop thinking about her (cant really talking seconds without thinking of them) thinking of her first and last thing before and after bed, can imagine her in every "normal" songs i listen to... especially romantic /relationship ones...
...have the ability to smile after a stressful hard day when they're here (which I shouldlet u know I can never ever be thankful enough for that...)
Can't ever wait to hear her sweet voice... or see her face.... the very face that makes my heart melt when she smiles.. redface



- She lives in a different continent needless to say we met via the internet. this really makes it hard to see each other...Like honest to me that girls worth so much I wouldn't mind ...in fact i'd be more than happy walking over the ocean for days, weeks, months even years to get to see her....and at the end of it every last mili-second spent with her will be worth it



she hit my eyes straight the very first time I spoke to her...There was something about her not just her physical self ....a much deeper sense of comfort, ease, happiness almost butterflies...no...it really was amazing...Hours went by and we spoke more and learned more...as days goes by I was looking forward to nothing more than speaking to her...as I do nowadays...it's like shes the happiest part of my life which I've never felt ... even after a relationship of 2 years previously.


Unfortunately lately we've had many arguments that lead into fights...and I know...its just been 1 month and a few days but problem is these fights is leading her to love me less each time... as much as i hate to think about it and I physically felt something move inside when I just typed that its gotten to a point when shes unsure about me... we've broken up crying sad as it seems im glad we did because she was too stressed, depressed, sad and lately decreased levels of happiness with me..


So No im not blaming anyone because I really love this girl, no doubts there and blaming simply leads to even more problems....what Id rather do is be there for her every time, make her feel like shes the most special girl in the world.. well if your a girl and your reading this... she's my special girl... shes an idol to me as well as a hero which id gladly give anything to... I trust her with all my heart...awkward aint it when you trust someone with your life whom you've never met in actual life.. but yea can't explain.. heart

thing is... I genuinely believe shes the one... but our recent fights which btw are over very stupid things and we really shouldn't be treating each other like we do sometimes... I think its just a small issue about being open... the more fights we got into the lesser open we got... the fear of "if i say how i feel it will hurt" is overtaking the need and care to love, care about each others feelings and such...

Its killing me inside to see this happen... I have such a good imagery of her and the future... it really is hard to go through this at this current point in time because we unsure weather we'd get back... and I kinda love her soo much that to me only what will make her feel happy and get better but at the same time.... it would be such a great privilege and honour to be the guy of her wishes if not adjust to be that because to me she really is worth that no body makes me feel the way I do around them as she does...its unexplainable

I know that these fights are being driven from extreme careness of what the other person thinks..but surely there is a way to deal with this without hurting...Seriously If I had a choice to be with just any girl or guy (and no im not Bi or gay) it really would have to be her ... when we not fighting or hurting each other I really do feel totally myself around her and cherish with her until the very end of existence..


young love or not I think there's a lot of meaning in our...broken relationship we still talk ... I still love her and she says it back to me this period of time is indeed very difficult and I just wish I could make her feel more at ease... she spiced up my life from day one making me choose to stay up almost every night and I'd be so excited cos this would be the highlight of my day...everyday. Ive never been able to get so attached to someone in such a short amount of time and needless to say if after this period of time we couldn't get back together i would be hurt and all that ... but its hard to even imagine life without her now... as a partner..


I'm sure she'd still be friends and all that but it just wouldn't be the same then again if she really isn't happy with me then id heartily let her go despite everything... when I met that girl I was in a stable time period of my life... now its as unstable as it gets with only school not being an issue due to being the holidays... This can explain why the sudden unhappiness felt lately compared to the fun times we shared when we first met... I really wonder why does other stuff that goes on in my life affect our relationship.. something i really didn't want...Things will get better though ...i really hope so... to be with the one I love...

so recently I figured out the actual reason after she told me... she broke up with me because she couldn't take the long distance and she couldn't do things like actually touching, seeing or anything like that since it would be some time before we met...Yesterday I had some family issues and when she came back home even though ive not really told her about how it felt better knowing she actually cared to ask about it and in the end changed my horrid mood...

one thing that even though we broken up im very greatful of is how she can actually be here for me and im more than happy to do the same to her... its such a shame we did break... it really does hurt sometime.... cos my heart wants her but I guess i wasn't able to be good enough to please her as well as I would have if we lived closer...

Even though we still talk and not 2 much have changed since we split... its hard sometimes knowing that any day she could have to stop doing the things we do... and I'll have to learn to control my mouth of what I say to her etc.. This is very hard to think about, i can conclusively say that I'll miss every last thing we are unable to do together but I really should be happy since she said she was always going to be her best friend (guy) but I feel this pain every single time I think about it...