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Advice for relationships
Relationships, advice on how to stop fights
My broken hope..
Ok, so I love this girl ~ I know its love because I can feel every single emotion,
at the same time, won't ever stop thinking about her (cant really talking seconds without thinking of them) thinking of her first and last thing before and after bed, can imagine her in every "normal" songs i listen to... especially romantic /relationship ones...
...have the ability to smile after a stressful hard day when they're here (which I shouldlet u know I can never ever be thankful enough for that...)
Can't ever wait to hear her sweet voice... or see her face.... the very face that makes my heart melt when she smiles.. redface



- She lives in a different continent needless to say we met via the internet. this really makes it hard to see each other...Like honest to me that girls worth so much I wouldn't mind ...in fact i'd be more than happy walking over the ocean for days, weeks, months even years to get to see her....and at the end of it every last mili-second spent with her will be worth it



she hit my eyes straight the very first time I spoke to her...There was something about her not just her physical self ....a much deeper sense of comfort, ease, happiness almost butterflies...no...it really was amazing...Hours went by and we spoke more and learned more...as days goes by I was looking forward to nothing more than speaking to her...as I do nowadays...it's like shes the happiest part of my life which I've never felt ... even after a relationship of 2 years previously.


Unfortunately lately we've had many arguments that lead into fights...and I know...its just been 1 month and a few days but problem is these fights is leading her to love me less each time... as much as i hate to think about it and I physically felt something move inside when I just typed that its gotten to a point when shes unsure about me... we've broken up crying sad as it seems im glad we did because she was too stressed, depressed, sad and lately decreased levels of happiness with me..


So No im not blaming anyone because I really love this girl, no doubts there and blaming simply leads to even more problems....what Id rather do is be there for her every time, make her feel like shes the most special girl in the world.. well if your a girl and your reading this... she's my special girl... shes an idol to me as well as a hero which id gladly give anything to... I trust her with all my heart...awkward aint it when you trust someone with your life whom you've never met in actual life.. but yea can't explain.. heart

thing is... I genuinely believe shes the one... but our recent fights which btw are over very stupid things and we really shouldn't be treating each other like we do sometimes... I think its just a small issue about being open... the more fights we got into the lesser open we got... the fear of "if i say how i feel it will hurt" is overtaking the need and care to love, care about each others feelings and such...

Its killing me inside to see this happen... I have such a good imagery of her and the future... it really is hard to go through this at this current point in time because we unsure weather we'd get back... and I kinda love her soo much that to me only what will make her feel happy and get better but at the same time.... it would be such a great privilege and honour to be the guy of her wishes if not adjust to be that because to me she really is worth that no body makes me feel the way I do around them as she does...its unexplainable

I know that these fights are being driven from extreme careness of what the other person thinks..but surely there is a way to deal with this without hurting...Seriously If I had a choice to be with just any girl or guy (and no im not Bi or gay) it really would have to be her ... when we not fighting or hurting each other I really do feel totally myself around her and cherish with her until the very end of existence..


young love or not I think there's a lot of meaning in our...broken relationship we still talk ... I still love her and she says it back to me this period of time is indeed very difficult and I just wish I could make her feel more at ease... she spiced up my life from day one making me choose to stay up almost every night and I'd be so excited cos this would be the highlight of my day...everyday. Ive never been able to get so attached to someone in such a short amount of time and needless to say if after this period of time we couldn't get back together i would be hurt and all that ... but its hard to even imagine life without her now... as a partner..


I'm sure she'd still be friends and all that but it just wouldn't be the same then again if she really isn't happy with me then id heartily let her go despite everything... when I met that girl I was in a stable time period of my life... now its as unstable as it gets with only school not being an issue due to being the holidays... This can explain why the sudden unhappiness felt lately compared to the fun times we shared when we first met... I really wonder why does other stuff that goes on in my life affect our relationship.. something i really didn't want...Things will get better though ...i really hope so... to be with the one I love...

so recently I figured out the actual reason after she told me... she broke up with me because she couldn't take the long distance and she couldn't do things like actually touching, seeing or anything like that since it would be some time before we met...Yesterday I had some family issues and when she came back home even though ive not really told her about how it felt better knowing she actually cared to ask about it and in the end changed my horrid mood...

one thing that even though we broken up im very greatful of is how she can actually be here for me and im more than happy to do the same to her... its such a shame we did break... it really does hurt sometime.... cos my heart wants her but I guess i wasn't able to be good enough to please her as well as I would have if we lived closer...

Even though we still talk and not 2 much have changed since we split... its hard sometimes knowing that any day she could have to stop doing the things we do... and I'll have to learn to control my mouth of what I say to her etc.. This is very hard to think about, i can conclusively say that I'll miss every last thing we are unable to do together but I really should be happy since she said she was always going to be her best friend (guy) but I feel this pain every single time I think about it...





Anger problems in a relationship
Causes of anger

Some situations are more likely to leave us struggling with strong feelings of anger than others.

When it's a shock - when a partner does something unexpected it can take a long time for feelings of anger to recede. You may also feel confused and betrayed.

When it's deliberate - it's much easier to let go of anger when the person who caused it never meant it to happen in the first place. If it was done deliberately or maliciously it's much harder to forgive.

When it's happened before - if someone repeatedly hurts or frustrates us, anger often builds up. You may also feel powerless and exhausted.

When we're vulnerable - at certain times in our lives, during pregnancy or illness for example, we expect more of our partners and can feel particularly let down by them.

When it brings back memories - if we've been hurt in the past, we're more likely to react badly to a similar event later in life. Often the old hurt is reignited, doubling the amount of anger.

When they're not sorry - if a partner refuses to accept they were responsible for the hurt or that you've even got a right to feel aggrieved, it can be difficult to let go of such feelings.
The impact on a relationship

Ongoing anger causes serious damage to relationships. For some couples it can mean almost daily arguments; others are better at suppressing the anger, but this nearly always means other feelings are suppressed too. If discussing the problem seems too difficult, but talking about something else seems too trivial, conversation can cease completely.

Unresolved anger often leads to physical distance and sexual problems. For some couples, the event that caused the anger might become less important, but the rift it caused may be impossible to bridge.
The impact on our health

When we get angry, our bodies automatically go into 'flight or fight' mode and are flooded with chemicals that put us on high alert. The heart rate and breathing quickens, muscles become tense and senses become heightened.

This state of high alert is perfectly natural - but only for short periods. Living with permanent feelings of anger means the body is forced to stay in this acute state, which in time can lead to high blood pressure, headaches, stomach problems and a lowered immune system.
The impact on our emotions

When we're angry about someone's actions, we can become trapped in the past, replaying the event or events over and over again in our minds.

They may also imagine or even seek out opportunities for revenge. This can help to increase feelings of power and control in a relationship, but offers only temporary relief.

Anger can damage self-esteem too. Many of us are taught that anger is wrong, so you may feel bad about your feelings, even if they're justified. Or you may try to excuse the other person's actions and decide that you in some way deserved what happened. When anger is turned inwards in this way it often leads to depression.
Learning to let go

Choosing to let go of anger is something only you can do for yourself, not for your partner. It's never a guarantee that the relationship will improve, but it's a guarantee that - in time - you'll start feeling better.

It's important to remind yourself that you're not necessarily letting your partner off the hook or forgetting what happened. You're letting go of the anger for your benefit, no one else's.

Once the process has started, you may feel clearer about what you want to do about your relationship. You may have renewed energy to work at it, or you might decide that too much has happened and it's time to call it a day.

No one's pretending that letting go of anger is quick or easy, but as you gradually feel the resentment slipping away you'll find it easier to enjoy other aspects of your life and begin to see the future in a new light.
Some situations are more likely to leave us struggling with strong feelings of anger than others.

When it's a shock - when a partner does something unexpected it can take a long time for feelings of anger to recede. You may also feel confused and betrayed.

When it's deliberate - it's much easier to let go of anger when the person who caused it never meant it to happen in the first place. If it was done deliberately or maliciously it's much harder to forgive.

When it's happened before - if someone repeatedly hurts or frustrates us, anger often builds up. You may also feel powerless and exhausted.

When we're vulnerable - at certain times in our lives, during pregnancy or illness for example, we expect more of our partners and can feel particularly let down by them.

When it brings back memories - if we've been hurt in the past, we're more likely to react badly to a similar event later in life. Often the old hurt is reignited, doubling the amount of anger.

When they're not sorry - if a partner refuses to accept they were responsible for the hurt or that you've even got a right to feel aggrieved, it can be difficult to let go of such feelings.
Causes of anger

Some situations are more likely to leave us struggling with strong feelings of anger than others.

When it's a shock - when a partner does something unexpected it can take a long time for feelings of anger to recede. You may also feel confused and betrayed.

When it's deliberate - it's much easier to let go of anger when the person who caused it never meant it to happen in the first place. If it was done deliberately or maliciously it's much harder to forgive.

When it's happened before - if someone repeatedly hurts or frustrates us, anger often builds up. You may also feel powerless and exhausted.

When we're vulnerable - at certain times in our lives, during pregnancy or illness for example, we expect more of our partners and can feel particularly let down by them.

When it brings back memories - if we've been hurt in the past, we're more likely to react badly to a similar event later in life. Often the old hurt is reignited, doubling the amount of anger.

When they're not sorry - if a partner refuses to accept they were responsible for the hurt or that you've even got a right to feel aggrieved, it can be difficult to let go of such feelings.
The impact on a relationship

Ongoing anger causes serious damage to relationships. For some couples it can mean almost daily arguments; others are better at suppressing the anger, but this nearly always means other feelings are suppressed too. If discussing the problem seems too difficult, but talking about something else seems too trivial, conversation can cease completely.

Unresolved anger often leads to physical distance and sexual problems. For some couples, the event that caused the anger might become less important, but the rift it caused may be impossible to bridge.
The impact on our health

When we get angry, our bodies automatically go into 'flight or fight' mode and are flooded with chemicals that put us on high alert. The heart rate and breathing quickens, muscles become tense and senses become heightened.

This state of high alert is perfectly natural - but only for short periods. Living with permanent feelings of anger means the body is forced to stay in this acute state, which in time can lead to high blood pressure, headaches, stomach problems and a lowered immune system.
The impact on our emotions

When we're angry about someone's actions, we can become trapped in the past, replaying the event or events over and over again in our minds.

They may also imagine or even seek out opportunities for revenge. This can help to increase feelings of power and control in a relationship, but offers only temporary relief.

Anger can damage self-esteem too. Many of us are taught that anger is wrong, so you may feel bad about your feelings, even if they're justified. Or you may try to excuse the other person's actions and decide that you in some way deserved what happened. When anger is turned inwards in this way it often leads to depression.
Learning to let go

Choosing to let go of anger is something only you can do for yourself, not for your partner. It's never a guarantee that the relationship will improve, but it's a guarantee that - in time - you'll start feeling better.

It's important to remind yourself that you're not necessarily letting your partner off the hook or forgetting what happened. You're letting go of the anger for your benefit, no one else's.

Once the process has started, you may feel clearer about what you want to do about your relationship. You may have renewed energy to work at it, or you might decide that too much has happened and it's time to call it a day.

No one's pretending that letting go of anger is quick or easy, but as you gradually feel the resentment slipping away you'll find it easier to enjoy other aspects of your life and begin to see the future in a new light.

Ongoing anger causes serious damage to relationships. For some couples it can mean almost daily arguments; others are better at suppressing the anger, but this nearly always means other feelings are suppressed too. If discussing the problem seems too difficult, but talking about something else seems too trivial, conversation can cease completely.

Unresolved anger often leads to physical distance and sexual problems. For some couples, the event that caused the anger might become less important, but the rift it caused may be impossible to bridge.
The impact on our health

When we get angry, our bodies automatically go into 'flight or fight' mode and are flooded with chemicals that put us on high alert. The heart rate and breathing quickens, muscles become tense and senses become heightened.

This state of high alert is perfectly natural - but only for short periods. Living with permanent feelings of anger means the body is forced to stay in this acute state, which in time can lead to high blood pressure, headaches, stomach problems and a lowered immune system.
The impact on our emotions

When we're angry about someone's actions, we can become trapped in the past, replaying the event or events over and over again in our minds.

They may also imagine or even seek out opportunities for revenge. This can help to increase feelings of power and control in a relationship, but offers only temporary relief.

Anger can damage self-esteem too. Many of us are taught that anger is wrong, so you may feel bad about your feelings, even if they're justified. Or you may try to excuse the other person's actions and decide that you in some way deserved what happened. When anger is turned inwards in this way it often leads to depression.
Learning to let go

Choosing to let go of anger is something only you can do for yourself, not for your partner. It's never a guarantee that the relationship will improve, but it's a guarantee that - in time - you'll start feeling better.

It's important to remind yourself that you're not necessarily letting your partner off the hook or forgetting what happened. You're letting go of the anger for your benefit, no one else's.

Once the process has started, you may feel clearer about what you want to do about your relationship. You may have renewed energy to work at it, or you might decide that too much has happened and it's time to call it a day.

No one's pretending that letting go of anger is quick or easy, but as you gradually feel the resentment slipping away you'll find it easier to enjoy other aspects of your life and begin to see the future in a new light.





Fights in Relationships
How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationships?

What People Get Out of Fighting

It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal. Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong.

Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication from developing. It is a way of threatening or blaming the other. Rather than really addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.

Without a good fight, a relationship is over," says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. "The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares."

Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight - and survive the storms. "I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am."

For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned.

Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Once this identity becomes habitual, the individuals soon have no idea who they would be without it. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire.

"I’m not letting her walk all over me," Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. "She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate," he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake.

However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through, or even truly understanding what is really going on. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. These are many consequences when we cling to anger and allow it to turn into our sense of who we are.

Beyond that, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. "As you sow, so shall you reap," is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we will experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. Depression arises, hopelessness and the inability to love again.

There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first step is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, a substitute for true power and wisdom, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward.

There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. And in order to begin a new chapter and to build a positive relationship both with ourselves and others, it is necessary to begin this process.

Putting An End To The War

1) Stop Blaming – It is absolutely pointless for you to blame yourself or the other. Blame stops you from seeing the truth. While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

2) Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Honestly take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3) Choose To Be Happy Rather Than Right - You have to become aware that there is a better way to be in a relationship. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible for you.

4) Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth - The basis of all good relationships is a feeling of worthiness, a desire to honor, gift and pleasure yourself, and to do the same for the other. Choose this kind of relationship and let go of all that opposes it.





Facts for Guys and Gals (Thanks to KittyGodess)
Guy facts:

When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world

When you're laying you head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else

Girl facts:

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how much you really love her.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine and needs your help.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered and is totally devoted to you

When a girl says, "Ill love you forever,"
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that


If you agree with this put it in your journal titled "True Relationships"





RockStarGod
Community Member
RockStarGod
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