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I can't sleep/don't really feel like sleeping right now. I'm tired, sure but I just don't want to sleep... sure. call me crazy. tell me something I don't already know.
anyway I feel like writing. I don't know what about but I feel like writing.

How am I so hopeful for my future but also still so miserable about the past?
I am so confused about life.
I feel like everything and nothing is ahead of me all at the same time
How is that even possible?
It isn't.

I'll bet Eddie's done more with this Shelby girl than I let him do with me... -sigh-
He's probably kissed her a million times already and she probably loves him licking her lips after kissing sometimes...
I want him back so much crying
But it's so clear that he has already moved on to more stable, better things.

I am just so surprised that he fell in love so quickly... but I guess his heart was in a state where it was ready to fall and he was ready for someone else to catch it. He's so lucky someone was right there to actually catch it.

Mine was yet again dropped and shattered on the ground. Sadly, this time it was me who is at all fault. I kept taking it out of his hands and then putting it back and finally I dropped it thinking Alex would catch it but it slipped right through Alex's hands. It didn't want to be caught by him. It still felt for Eddie... my brain just didn't think it did.

My heart is smarter than my brain sometimes.

Seriously, what was I thinking when I said that I had to say goodbye?
Why did I cut the string?

Why will neither of us let it be tied back together?
no, I know why. I wouldn't because I feel too bad for breaking it and he won't because he's found a new, better, more valuable toy.
I don't want a more valuable toy... I want to fix the broken one now... but it's too late because the other half is gone

I hate that analogy but it makes the most sense. sad

I guess things are how they're meant to be though... Eddie's had to deal with so much pain in his life and now I'm getting my pain. I have no clue how his felt but this might kill me... my curiosity is going to kill me. I can't stop checking on things that have to do with him. I never will be able to. When people become a part of me, they never stop being a part of me. His part of me will always ache for what could have been perfect someday.

"life is but a breath, don't waste it" <3 I love that song.
But I feel as if I already have wasted a valuable part of my life. sad
I'm dying inside because my love will never again be requited.
Or at least that's how I feel...

How is my heart going to get out of this one? I have no clue but I do know I want to find out... unless it doesn't get out of this one...

love hurts