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Hark the begotton one doth Speak
I've never been saine, ever, I lie and act like I can see this world, but I lie every damn day. I feel like all reality is a drone; sometimes I don't even know where I am anymore. I live in a ceaseless dream. I wonder if my head hurts so bad because I read too far into things. I cannot do any simple thing with out dissecting it. My fear of people and the evil they are capable of, pins me down like a moth in a display case. I'm so scared of everyone, like an abused dog. I try to help people but.........I fail......how can I help other's when I need it more then them........I have someone who loves me and has for a thousand life times..............but sometimes I feel incomplete.........I want to go through the mirror, I know I can if I just press my hand hard enough the glass with give and I'll find my heaven on the other side. I keep hoping I'll find some declaration of my sanity, but I only seem to spiral downward into my "Wonderland" more and more every day, proving I'm never going to be okay. I cannot hate, love is all I can do, I truly hate no one. I abhor the violence prejudice in this world, and war. Every day I hope people become a little less evil and every day I'm proven more and more wrong they just get worse. Physically I'm as sick as I am mentally, My asthma, my jaws, my crooked ribs, my thyroid, my body is rebelling against me..........Love is my only medicine. The little bliss I feel make the stabbing aches and blood filled coughs stop for at least a second. I am kind to any who seek my kindness, but most don't they just throw me down and rape my soul more. I've come to love animals more then people, their purity and innocents make me feel a connection with them, nature as well. The ghosts and demons I used to fear no longer scare me, humans are worse. I strongly believe in religion I know that it's a comfort for many. Reincarnation is my strongest aspect of faith. I only speak when I feel there isn't a threat of people hating me for what I say. But still I fear their fists and harsh words.........I feel like my mouth's sewed shut and I can't cough the words out. I love toys and stuffed animals, symbols of a broken childhood. To cry into soft fur and doll hair, and scream prayers to a Lord, who doesn't want me, to help all in this world but myself. The evil in this world will eat it alive and it's already choking me like a smog. I never pray for myself..........ever..............The only person I truly hate it myself.........Amen the nights endless crying and the eyes filled bloody tears.........I cannot fix this world and myself............we are too far gone.
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