Yes yes, i know. I'm late with updateing again. I've had a busy day. Let's start from this morning ok?
I open my eyes to the gloomy surroundings that I take to be my room. Dust every where, Papers spread around the floor. Yup definately my room. Anyways, where the hell did I put it? I check the usual places. Under my pillow? no. Nightstand? no. I am panicing at this point. Where the hell is it? I begin to root around the side of my bed, FOUND IT! Ahh sweet release. The hit I've been waiting for. It's a drug, and I'm addicted. I press the power button on the remote and the tv comes on. Oh Denny Crane how I love you so..
After an hour or four of boston legal I manage to stagger downstairs. My heads swimming. Where have I been. My room? No, I couldn't of been. I never feel like this after just watching tv. Or maybe I always feel like this? There's no way to really tell. Why was I comeing down here again? Oh yes. Food. Now what to eat...So many choices.. I want some freakin' mac. Is there any I wonder. At this point Tom walks into the kitchen. "About time you got up!" I wince at the sound of his voice. Why is my head so damn sensitive? "yeah, yeah I'm up. What're you makeing me for breakfast?" Tom shoots that little stare he gives me when I make an outrages remark. "Boy, you're going to make your own food." I'm surprised he didn't threaten my life. "ok fine. I'm going to make some mac and cheese and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. And I'm not makeing you any!" Tom grins at this statement. "oh you'll make me some. It's 3 in the afternoon and if there's any mac and cheese being made in here It's going to be for me!" I just laugh and shrug. I was going to make him some anyways. A few minutes pass and the food is done. And I eat. And then return to my room. About an hour drags by. What's going through my mind? I can't really say. But I can guess. It's probably something to do with Whyred. It's so soon. He's almost here. There's a certain anxiety attatched to that. He hasn't seen me in awhile. I'm not looking my best like usual. What if he doesn't like it? What if he decides he doesn't love me anymore? I couldn't bear that. I've lost the respect of my family and my friends for this man. And if he left me...I don't know what I'd do. Probably move on and pretend I'm ok. After all these thoughts I say aloud the mantra that seems to be constantly chnted in this relationship "everything's going to work out". I sigh and repeat it again. "everything's going to work out" and again. "everything's going to work out." I keep saying it until I believe it. And this is when a whole new crop of worrys pop up. What if his bus is delayed? Or it crashes? How bad is the weather going to hold him up?? Oh god I hope he's ok. What if he misses the bus and has to stay in portland over night? Will he be ok?? What if someone does something to hurt my baby? "Oh god, no." I say aloud. Not that anybody can hear me. And it's back to those familiar words. "everything's going to work out." I say to the air. "everything's going to work out." I repeat myself for my own benifit. "everything's going to work out." And I'm ok. A few hours crawl by and a little bot of snow is played in. I called Tom an a** goblin so he threw me out the backdoor right into a snow bank. In my pajamas. ******** was that cold. anyways mroe time passes and it's eight...I call Whyred. "Hey baby!" he always answers like that. "hey there sweetie!" I respond just as sickly sweet. I swear we're to cute for eachother. "And how's my Hunny Bunny doing today?" And I begin to blush before the words are even fully said. "well, uhhh, I, ahhh, Awww....you're to damn cute!" And we spend the next few minutes just flattering eachother. Much ego is to be stroked on both sides. Then outa the blue it hit's me. IThe pain. The immeanse heartache I feel at being so far away from the man I love. "I love you..." Those words seem so inadaquate. "I love you to, Devin" I always feel so special when he says them though. It's like I'm the only person in the world. And he isn't as far away as he really is. It's like I could actually feel him, his arms around me, telling me that he loved me and we're always going to be together. Unfortunately it's to good to last. And I wind up voicing all my worries. Well not all of them. I keep the worries about him to myself. As darth Vader, relationship expert once said to me and Whyred in a time of doubt. "I find your lack of faith disturbing..." I just voice the bus problems. And he consols me. We talk for about another hour, before he gets tired and goes to sleep. I then sit on my bed for a few minutes thinking how lucky I am to have someone so very special loveing me, and Then I resume my usual day.
Commissar White · Sun Dec 21, 2008 @ 09:25am · 0 Comments |