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Hiatus, and why (Dec. 2008)
Okay, so rather then get lengthy in my sig, I'm putting this here. I need to get some stuff out in the open, in the honest and truthful way I can. And without causing me stress and anxiety... well, MORE of it.
Short backhistory: In 2003 I went into the Navy for basic training. ASVAB score of 99, best you can get, looking to do the Nuke program. Unfortunately... something other then injuring my knee happened, and set off something that had been coming a longtime off. I was discharged for reasons which... were probbaly necessary for the well-being of me and others.
In time I've come to learn it was bipolar hitting. Triggered off something that happened, or more then one somethings during then. Also, the knee screw-up to boot doesn't help; in fact, that might be PART of the trigger. Either way... yeah. Last year, late summer I came to the conclusion I wasn't just suffering depression; I had clear cut signs of bi-polar staring me right in the face... so I've had to try and s**t my treatment to accomidate this, and deal with that 'other half' of the depression issue I have.
The New
Since mom's surgery, I've pretty much been on a downhill slide in my fight. Unfortunately I did more then I SHOULD have during that, and didn't cut back certain things... and really burned myself. And then... acid reflux hit and really made me physically and mentally agitated and irritable... I ahd to break fofline for that... my moods were too erratic to deal with things online and not be unfair to people... and it wasn't going to make ME better... once I resolved part of my other issues then, I STILL had the acid reflux, but I thought it'd get better... fail.
So I've been on and off, pretending things will get better... truth is... I'm NOT getting better, I'm getting worse. I flipped out completely in Early Dec. on people in my house for a really stupid reason (I don't want to get into that...) but the long of the short is... if I can do that to RL people... what's holding me back from online? Hell, online it might be easier to step away, but... I just don't think I can deal with it right now, with pressure and expectatiosn as I am...
I am getting help for the bipolar and all it's associated issues. So yes, I am being officially treated for this, and to me this IS a medical problem as I am seeing doctors for this. So when I say it's medical reasons I'm not doing s**t for you, I DO mean that. Trust me a longer wait for people sucks, but I want to do the best... and under my state, expectations and stress go against that. (And frankly, depression lately hasn't helped that whole thing on wanting to get things done.)
So yeah... I HATE to do this, but I need it. I'm going to behind the scenes offline work on stuff for what I owe and stuff for shops, and will be giving more official notices... but ATM, I need to step back and really get myself back in order... I have a life at a standstill, no job and no way I could HOLD one with how I am. And that IS more important than here, as much as I hate to admit that.
I have bills to pay - medical or otherwise. I have expectations to move out and all, and get married... and I can't do even that as I am. Let alone handle the stuff here. I'll be on and off, but for the moment, I need to spend more time OFF, then on, and getthings straightened out here first.
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