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not designed for scrutiny in anyway, there are many errors, just like my heart, and one is my audience. it changed liek 3 times, lmao. bear with me. its designed specifically that way.

What is friendship?

Is it the days you spend laughing together?
Is it the hours you spend on the phone talking about nothing?
Is it doing stupid things because we can?
Is it talking about your strange sex life or lack there of?
Is it playing the Questions Game?
Is it merely the ability to stand by someone, or the actual action?
Is it spending two hours after school waiting for him to finish an activity just because you care?
Is it arguing over something stupid and then laughing half way through because it's stupid and neither know what they're talking about?
Is it the hiking together even though your legs burn?
Is it dumping water all over them in a jealous rage and then apologizing later when you realize you were wrong?
Is it congratulating them on an award or accomplishment you dont really care about?
Is it criticizing their work because you are better?
Or is it the arguing?
the yelling?
the questioning?
What makes friendship exactly?
What connection draws you together?
Pulls you apart?
Where is the limit?
There isnt one.
Or there shouldnt be,
but for some reason there is for some.
What can you do about it?
Nothing.
There is nothign you can do to appease that person.
Perhaps a lose-lose situation.
For in your heart if you decide to appease him,
it wont be for him. but for an enigmatic reason.
People shouldnt be like that
There shouldnt be a limit to friendship.
I am glad i have my best friend to stand by me no matter what,
he is amazing. His best friend on the other hand is iffy.
I thought he was better than that
but obviously getting wasted is his priority.
So have your fun
when you figure out what friendhsip really is
and you stop screwing up your life
let me know
i'll always be here no matter what.
im not angry or irritated or annoyed anymore.
maybe a little hurt, i feel betrayed.
But, i can move on.
I've lost friends before, always my closest friends.
and its always because im not good enough for them.
I guess im just too stupid,
and since you dont associate yoruself with stupid people,
no matter what i choose i will not be satisfied.
For if i choose your way,
i will still be bitter towards your "would-be" reaction.
If i do not choose yoru way,
I will be lost,
and then upset because you left.
Who gave you the right to choose whose life you taint?
Who died and made you boss?
Why do you push and push and push your philospophy,
and when it goes no further,
you abandon it, like a project gone bad.
I know the words are harsh
and i regret them already as they leave my mouth, or rather
typed on the computer.
but i refuse to go back and delete it,
for i am speaking to you and cannot take back what has been said.
You are great, your philosophy is great, not flawless
but better than ive seen in awhile
and dont come back later complaining about my writing style.
im not trying, this isnt formal
this is just brainstorming and throwing it all on paper
You're writing may be good but it is not without flaws,
just like your character. Dont bag on mine just because you are conceited.
Dont get me wrong.
I love you
In my own way and do not have any wish for you to abandon me
in fact
i dont think i could take it.
But in my own way
i hate you as well
no not you
just your decisions
your philosophy is great
but it can only take you so far
you hardly ever apply it
and make horrible decisions.
But that is, i guess, what
i love about you
so through all of our s**t
and all of our bliss
and all of our pain
and all of our connections
please dont leave me.
i cant take it.
be there for me like you should be
like you always have been
because thats your job.
but no
because thats what i want
what i need
what would i do without you and him?
i dont know...
how would i live without you and him?
i dont know...

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