Roses and Candy
Remember when you're wimpy boyfriend (You know you have had at least one, even the boys have had them) would give you gifts like poems, roses, heart shaped boxes of chocolates, and songs? Why the heck do they give you those things? If it were me, I would want perfume that smelled like gunpowder, that "Dragon Blood" incense, and maybe a "Nightmare before Christmas" soundtrack. Rather then getting me roses, get me a tiny cactus or milk weed, 'cause those are freaking awesome! Maybe instead of poems, get me a gosh darn book! How about a king size reeses rather then a box filled with shaped chocolates that have toothpaste filling (why do does it always look and taste like toothpaste in those things?). How about a soundtrack instead of some crappy song you wrote, yeah you know it, you're getting a D- in English.
Why is always roses? Whatever happened to mini bonsai trees or fire lilies? Besides, those roses you got from the gas station are like, a week old and always either fake or rotting. Do you even have to buy them? See that shrub over there, give that to me, that's be pretty dang cool (Where would I put it though...Hmm...).
Also, what the heck is with those mini chocolates? Why are they always filled that red colgate toothpaste or some weird marshmallow mint thing? Either way, if I had to choose between a Hershey's and a box of those teeth rotting toothpaste bombs, I would totally get the Hershey's bar, why? Because Hersheys is awesome anyway, I get them even if I didn't have to choose.
Poems and Songs. You're crappily (who am I George Bush with my made up words?) written, typo ridden, poems and songs. Sometimes, they're actually good. But most of the time, they sorta suck. If you were gonna write me a poem anyways, why is it some crappy, rhymey (GB made up word time!) poem? Why not a Haiku, because Haikus are awesome. But honestly...Why not just get me a book or a soundtrack? I certainly appreciate that you'll write me something and take a horrible 3-4 minutes out of you're day to do so, but you know I'll just end up throwing it away or losing it anyways.
Finally, perfume. The perfume you pick out, always sucks. You don't know how to shop for makeup of any kind, so don't even try. If you're doing it for me, get me the gunpowder scented one, I also like the money scented perfume. Speaking of smells, incense. Why do boys never buy that for girls? Its a pretty common like among women. I personally like wave scented and dragon blood (lolwut?) scented incense.
So, in conclusion, you boys may think you know what we like, but in truth you're all wrong. HA! No, some girls like the traditional stuff, but those girls are kinda stu- normall.