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Dear Jackie,

you'll probably never see this, oh well. Not like it matters anymore. I want you to know that I am sorry for not addressing your issues the way you wanted me to. My first instinct was to try to help you see the bright side of things.... as i always want to help you. I guess you just wanted someone to listen, and not try to help. Oh well, again.. I'm sorry that I didn't listen the way you wanted me to.

I'm not sorry for what I said. I said what i felt and thought. Being your friend, I felt that it was my job to tell you my feelings and thought, irregardless of the possible consequences. I thought good friends did that. Maybe you hated me when I called your mother when you tried to kill yourself, and this is just the final straw for you. Either way....I did what i felt had to be done. The fear that I experienced, knowing that if you died it would be my fault because I could do nothing to help you.... scared me so bad... that I had to call her. You probably have lied to people about what I've said or why I did what I did, and now... it doesn't matter.

It hurt me so much, for so long when you pretty much accused me of not caring. Over 10 years of being friends I always cared, hell... I put you first before many of my love relationships (including my marriage for a while) because I cared about you that much. Being told that hurt so deeply, and angered my so much.... I don't think I could ever begin to describe it to you. Even if I did, you probably wouldn't understand or care. Because of this, I don't think we can ever be friends again... be it your decision or mine. I have forgiven many things you have said and done to me. This.... I cannot. It may be wrong that I won't, but our life as teenagers is over, and it's time for me to move on with my life.

It hurts, knowing you replaced me ages ago, and I was too naive to see it. I hope things go well for you, and please know that I never hated you, ever. You were the closest thing I had to a sister than my real sisters.

From someone who cared even when you wouldn't see it,
Amanda