discovered a most amazing thing today. my true nature.
i shut people out to
a:not get hurt
b:to not drag them down with my miserable self no matter how much it hurts me in the long run
i lie. alot. not about grades or major things. just when ppl ask me if im ok. when i say im tired. it may be that, but its also im just really sad and depressing. (my father,freinds, and sister acknowledge this as fact)
i acknowledge that some of my freinds like to ******** me over. but i can't do much about that now can i? (it really pisses me off)
im extremely jealous in nature. but i can cover it up. and its not im jealous of material things so much as, I KNOW YOUR STOMACH IS FLATTER THAN MINE STOP RUBBING IT IN b***h. my combatance to the evil flat stomachs "Yeah, your stomachs flatter, but i have boobs. put that in your pipe and smoke it b***h."
when bad things happen to others my first thoughts are "how is this going to effect me in a negative light...?" i think that because im selfish and like to use people to my advantage.
the truth is. i KNOW that everyone thinks im pretty (for the most part) but ill never accept it as truth because I dont see me like that. i know very clearly what is and isnt pretty but i cant do anything about that because im a lazy a**.
and i dont do sex before marriage, not because im afraid of going to hell or anything, i just dont want to get my heart moreso broken than it already is. AND im nobodys bragging rights. and im extremely unnatractive.
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its what i feel at the time. mostly its depressing. so i wouldnt bother if i were you. but thats just me.
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Heart13
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