Its almost funny how shy some people are...like myself. I hardly write in my journal because of the stress of knowing that anyone can read it (when only 2 people if any ever see it...) . The need to be acceptable overwhelms me like poison, tailoring my words; what I want to say vs what I actually say....so It seems I only write when I feel comfortable enough to say " ******** it" and say exactly how I feel. If you look at my consistency...you'd see that that was once every blue moon.
(the moon has been blue 11 times?! eek )
so, I guess after every great thing, there's the period of time where your alone again...I guess that sums up how I am right now. Some lucky people have close friendships and things that last many years but that rarely happens to me...perhaps I'm not open enough? I don't know...
So, friday in advanced drama, we were finishing up our "truth/lie" stories....each person had to tell everyone a true story about themselves, and a false one. The last person's story really affected me...she told it with such honesty you knew it was true...and it was about something every young adult goes through. Questioning who they are and what purpose do they have in life. As I get closer and closer to graduation the question of " what are you going to be?" keeps running through my head. I cant answer it. It troubles me deeply that I cant answer that so very important question because it being my final year of highs school its what people ask me the most...hehe I give different answers every time...one day its a psychologist, the next a journalist. Once last year I said I wanted to do something with chemistry.... I must have gotten a passing grade on my chemistry test that day. haha. It doesn't help that everything I found myself excelling in before, I'm lousy at now. I used to be great in English class, so much that for a while I believed I could actually make it as a novelist. hah! fat chance. The teacher stares at me as if I were a foreign exchange student with only a year of English. Apparently I don't think in "depth" and I need a higher vocabulary. I get a lot of " your not understanding me are you?" looks from teachers now. there goes the whole thing about becoming a novelist.( then again, perhaps it's just my teacher...she believes if your essays aren't cynical and depressing...then they aren't worth reading. lol )
I also like filming and acting...but it seems those talents have turned against me too. Its not that I've gotten any worse....just that the world has gotten much better. Sort of how walkmans felt when ipods came out...obsolete.
well, enough of that. Tomorrow, I'm going to go out to eat with a very cool friend of mine...she's from china and since coming to America she's discovered that her favorite food is spaghetti....I guess that's better than the usual American choice... pizza or mac'n cheese. you know your smiling and nodding out there wink . I'm looking forward to spending time with my friend and filling up on noodles!
That's all I can think of to say at the moment....see you when the next blue moon comes, keep a look out! blaugh
(the moon has been blue 11 times?! eek )
so, I guess after every great thing, there's the period of time where your alone again...I guess that sums up how I am right now. Some lucky people have close friendships and things that last many years but that rarely happens to me...perhaps I'm not open enough? I don't know...
So, friday in advanced drama, we were finishing up our "truth/lie" stories....each person had to tell everyone a true story about themselves, and a false one. The last person's story really affected me...she told it with such honesty you knew it was true...and it was about something every young adult goes through. Questioning who they are and what purpose do they have in life. As I get closer and closer to graduation the question of " what are you going to be?" keeps running through my head. I cant answer it. It troubles me deeply that I cant answer that so very important question because it being my final year of highs school its what people ask me the most...hehe I give different answers every time...one day its a psychologist, the next a journalist. Once last year I said I wanted to do something with chemistry.... I must have gotten a passing grade on my chemistry test that day. haha. It doesn't help that everything I found myself excelling in before, I'm lousy at now. I used to be great in English class, so much that for a while I believed I could actually make it as a novelist. hah! fat chance. The teacher stares at me as if I were a foreign exchange student with only a year of English. Apparently I don't think in "depth" and I need a higher vocabulary. I get a lot of " your not understanding me are you?" looks from teachers now. there goes the whole thing about becoming a novelist.( then again, perhaps it's just my teacher...she believes if your essays aren't cynical and depressing...then they aren't worth reading. lol )
I also like filming and acting...but it seems those talents have turned against me too. Its not that I've gotten any worse....just that the world has gotten much better. Sort of how walkmans felt when ipods came out...obsolete.
well, enough of that. Tomorrow, I'm going to go out to eat with a very cool friend of mine...she's from china and since coming to America she's discovered that her favorite food is spaghetti....I guess that's better than the usual American choice... pizza or mac'n cheese. you know your smiling and nodding out there wink . I'm looking forward to spending time with my friend and filling up on noodles!
That's all I can think of to say at the moment....see you when the next blue moon comes, keep a look out! blaugh
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