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Why me?

In the past 5 months, I've felt as happy as ever. But this morning, i felt as if i was about to fall apart, just because of something that i did to affect a loved one to hurt them.

About 3 months ago, if I'm not mistaken, is when things started going downhill for me and Hellion Black. We started getting into arguments and fussing over simple matters that we shouldn't really have cared about, but seemed to anyways and I found out that one of my best friends had a crush on me. We got into argument over things like. . . why i wanted to be alone sometime. At the time, he didnt understand why i wanted to be alone. He didnt notice that at some points in time i need space to be alone so i can take into consideration everything thats happening around me and try to catch up with it. And because of this matter, he apparently thought that i wasnt treating him like a boyfriend. And i wasnt exactly.

And when he found out that one of my friends had a crush on me, while i still didnt notice that he did, he got a little upset. . . ok, very upset and mad. So when i found out, i had to tell my friend that we didnt need to speak until things settled down. Things didnt settle down, and things started to become a dissaster for us both.

Still confused and emotionally upset, i decided that maybe all we needed was some time to not be around each other and to move on as just friends. Sadly, this made him very depressed, and he couldnt find the confidence to be around and talk to me without thinking about what all happened between us and what we could have been. Apparently, i was happy because i thought that i had made the right decision. But i found out that i was extremely wrong. Over the weekend, i felt like there was something missing inside of me, like i wasnt fully there. And i was starting to feel depressiong rise and take over me. I realized that i still loved him.

When we went back to school monday, i had every intention on talking to him about starting a relationship again. We talked for a while, and in our last block class, i had one of my friends give him a note, asking him if he loved me enough to give me a second chance. Turns out that he still loved me, more than i expected him too, and he was kind enough to give me that second chance. Weve been together for about a month now. But this morning, i found something out that was very odd and disturbing.

I found out that our breakup had made a deep cut into him that could never be healed. I had hurt him so bad, without me knowing, that when i started talking about it, he started crying. I have never heard him cry in the f4 1/2 months that weve been together, so it startled me to hear this. He said that the breakup had made him so emotionally upset, and he thought that we would never be together again. To try to reassure him, i started telling him that i loved him more than he could believe. And that apparently calmed him down alittle. . .it actually made him very happy.

Ok, im gonna end this very long entry with seven words:

im sorry tyler and i love you.