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Nothing has changed, everything is the same, but I feel like no matter what I could do, it wouldn't change anything. I mean, things were said, then they walked back into my life? Why now? Why does it bother me so much? I could say I never let go, but it wouldn't matter... Is that why I just accepted it? Why I know I would accept more? I feel like my world is closing in on itself, yet it's so open with so much to do and see... I want to be able to be happy again, and I've felt that recently, but it was happily melancholy if anything...
Is it so terrible that I want something good? I know good things will happen if I just wait, as do the bad things, I don't want to regret anything. I had to tell him that I loved him, even though it brought pain, because it also brought happiness, and knowing that I put it out there, just knowing that I was honest with myself and everyone around me, made me feel good... but would I regret it if I let 'him' (another him) walk back into my life?
I mean, loving someone can be infinite right? You can love someone without being "in love" with them? I know I love him, or him that I knew all those years ago, but do want to give it a chance to loving someone I don't know, or ever get caught up in that family again? Kira and Peggy if you read this no yelling at me, it's all thoughts, and you don't realize the internal struggle in my mind, I don't want to hear about how stupid it is that I am even thinking about this, when it's possible that there is nothing there, I know all that, I'm just thinking onto my keyboard... I hope, and Bells, no telling your Mum that I thought about this either. I know this all seems random and silly or pointless but it's thoughts in my mind, long drawn out thoughts...
Maybe there is one person out there for each of us all, but then again, maybe there is 'x' amount of people you could happily marry or spend your life with, without there being the "one" person. Also is fate what leads us to each other? Or is there some form of free will thrown into the equation? Someone talk with me about this please, I feel my mind spinning. This also may have just been a rant because of philosophy class, it really does make me think so much, and tonight was about free will vs fate, and I always am thinking about that "do we believe in fate?" yeah yeah... I might have a topic for Essay #2 now though... I want to write on free will...
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...Even the stars shine at night
showing the way to dawn...
showing the way to dawn...
