Dear Love,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants in your closet and I saw you drive over my father. I'm sure you're open enough to understand I only get turned on by garbage men (LOL WTF). I'm returning your car, but keeping your butterfly collection as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the pep talks and I love Oprah.
With tears of sadness
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