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The lines of a 375 page book
Yes, this is for the status I posted on March...I don't even keep track of days .- . Nd BTW, as in the whole "book" thing, it's meaning my mind
I don't understand why I'm like this. Trying to figure out love, nd saying things like "I FLIPPEN LOVE YOU" when I don't even have it. (When I do say that, it's probably becuz you mean a lot or you did something extremely nice.) tho, all I can say is that only HE is my love. No, not that guy, the other guy xD just messin.. But I should be more spasific. I should say more of.. Half of me.
I don't even want to say he, he is William. My best friend, who I really love more than anything!! (Nd by love I mean with all my faith to find it, nd to want it, nd everything of me.) I can't thank him enough to come into my life. The day I was in Towns, and when I came up to him.. Well he seemed interesting. Nd I really loved his bunny hoodie which was making say, "Hi" "<_< hi.." "I like your Avi :3" "thanks xD it's all in the hoodie" I liked his hoodie, it made me wanna hack his account be take it xbut ever sinse then, everytime I would go on Gaia nd go to the meebo chat thingy x3 I would see his name nd start chatting. Of course, I used to do that to everyone who was online. We soon became friends, nd started saying the usual thInge friends say like "how was your day" or "whacha doin". I still remember he would say things randomly nd sometimes he would say...I dont remember that .n . But I would tell him I would wan to get close n get to know him more. He said I wouldn't get to once him unless I would like, somehow get extremely close. So, I made that promise. He didn't really wan me to see his lonely side I'm guessing, the side where he would wish he never existed..
The weeks passed, maybe months. When we got closer. He changed me, A LOT!! He showed me how to be as boss as him B) nd to learn how to make ofhers feel like they are meant to be in this world. (he showed me somehow..) nd he was very interesting. I guess I started to have strong feelings for him, nd I barely knew. Which was when one day, he tried so hard to admit his feelings for me. Nd that was the time when we were pretty close. But there was something in the way..(Well I don't want to say in the wayy..) another girl. I'm pretty sure it's the same one he has today. My guess was that he wanted to try her out? xD don't get mad at me, if you read this, Will. So..they've been together be happy.
That's when I wanted to hear him. We were in towns hanging out, that's when I met Robotic Skrillex who is still my friend today ^^, nd he was on the phone with someone while on Gaia. I was curious to what he sounds like, nd if he is the same on Gaia than in reality. So a few days after, I asked for his number. I actually didn't get it until...days after x3. I sneeked the phone one night, nd when into my computer office nd dialed the number. I can tell you right now, I was so nervous, nd when I heard his voice I couldn't believe it was him. His voice sounded so deep, nd sweet, nd amazing! (I love guys with deep voices like his BTW xD) I even asked, "IS THIS WILLIAM?!" we argued about why our voices were so different than what we imagined that night (:
After that, I couldn't wait to call him again. I love his voice so much! But I don't ever want to seem like a bug to people. We had gotten so much closer after that. I even got to see what he looks like in a photobucket profile photo. But it was tiny, so I could barely see. He told me to get a Facebook which is where I can see it better, but I refused. I believe our longest call was when I was at my friend angelicas house. 3 hours? It was such a funny time. The pretzel thing, he was eating them be one dropped on the floor. When I was talking to him nd Angelica at the same time. When I begged and begged and begged for him to sing.(When I hear guys with voices like that, I would die if I heard them sing! <3 no one has yet though ;n ; )Mhmm, he wouldn't budge =n=. But before, he knew what my life is like. Nd I knew his. (extra close.) he made a song for me.. ; u ; it was something I could never find a tune to, but still for now, a wonderful poem. I loved it so much, that I made one for him in return. I forgot it D: but it's still on his profile comments.. Nd I still have the message of his song today. But then, something terrible happened. I had to leave him. Even today, we can't forget nd I can't explain what had happened. But I hated myself for making him miserable. He didn't want to do anything. We was truly alone. Though, a few days later, I came back to see how things were. I knew what I had done, nd I couldn't bare for it to continue, so I knew I had to come back.
It leads up to now, when we are now EXTEMELY close. We tells me everything, nd I mean EVERYTHING! Nd I'm the only one. He really trusts me. As much as all he can handle. I remember when I stayed up Til 4 or 5 just to talk to him. I was at my nanas house, both, my dad me moms side for that day. First, I was at my dads side for the longest time, then at my moms for the rest. I was laying on her guest room bed, listening to music only the songs: "feel so close- Calvin Harris" "Fireflies- Owl City" "Firefly- Breaking Bejamin" nd another that I forgot. I finally went to sleep, but when I woke up, all I heard was a "PTHROOOOOOOO" I was like, "...what?!" I look outside the window nd I see a pigeon standing there, making it's stupid noise! I tried to knock on the window nd scare it away, but it didn't work. I told William, nd that when he told me the story of him nd a pigeon someone becoming friends I guess? xD I was getting emotional...which was really weird .- .
I guess I forgot what William looked like so...I decided, Ugghh, why not just get a Facebook? =n= so I got one. Nd now I can see his face whenever I please x) plus, I can chat with him.. (BTW I forgot to say, but I call him Pikachu. See, on his profile he said he would like to be called Pikachu, I was the only one who did. I still call him that. Nd when I called him at Angelicas, I yelled "PIKACHU!!" in the phone to make a perfect memory. Nd I soon got the nickname Firefly, which I wanted to be called because I "light everyone's day".)
Nd now to what of how I usually feel, because of what I'm going thro. I seem to feel like I don't have anyone by my side anymore. I would do things to help people keep going, be shine their light..but sometimes I feel they get too used to it, nd don't appreciate for what I do. Like, they expect me to do it. (Nd this happens with EVERYONE but they don't even know it.) the love I wish to have, might be somewhere around me, but I just don't know it yet. I can only feel loved every now n then is when someone tells me, nd I can see it in their eyes or hear it in their voice that they TRULY, TRULY, TRULY...mean it. Which is why I want to continuously speak to William. He tries his best to teach me. Or at least let me feel it before he can. (or perhaps if he could feel it with me.) but I'm just me, who can't just yet. I wish to hear him say my name, at least out loud so I can feel just a little. (I've learned I love hearing people saying me name. Even when I say I don't have it.) he always tells me how much I am to him, nd that he wants to actually meet me in person to show me. (Nd he is NOT one of those creeps who you would usually see on those safety Internet vids! I think I would know.) but what really means a lot, is that tonight, he gave me his heart ne litterally asked me to hold onto it. Because I "would take better care for it than I will..."
What gets me though..well sometimes, is when he is having such an aweful day, I know IM the ONLY one to fix it. I can't think of anything else but to bring back everything we went thro. The best times we had. Nd I always tell him how much he is to me. How much I know he is, but he can't believe it it himself. Just like I can't believe I have love... Well what do you expect me to give him soup nd tell him, "Ohh...it's going to be ok William, just play you're video games nd everything will be fine." NO!! It doesn't work that way! But here's the getting me part, when I have a bad day, he does the exact opposite. He brings the songs that have the memories, nd will remind me of everything he has been thro. I will admit, not the best of thing to do... But he's giving me all he's got. It must seem to be a bit pressuring in having to do the
Same thing the best friend always does, because you're the one who's usually dealing with the bad things :/. But that doesn't matter, as long as he tries (:he means so much to me, and I really hope we can never split apart, even if we did something terribly wrong. Were half of each other, there will be some tough times...but who can always stay mad at your left, or right part of you?
Another thing. He kinda knows what it's like having to deal with situations nd not having someone to talk to about it. When I'm not around, I can only imagine who tempted he is to see me. Or how much he just wants to let it out, nd feel better already. (Honestly, I'm not sure if I made that statement a good thing or a bad.) but I feel the same. Nd honestly, he's the only one I pretty much talk to on Gaia. That is, if Pale Pale or Ali isn't on, but they don't have much to say x3. When he's online the chat thingy, be I'm on the computer.. I'm just so tempted to start a conversation. But as always, I never wanna seem like a bug. I can never wait for another memory to approach life, when no one can anymore. When he's NOT online however, I go crazy. xD Iisten to music, sit- losing my patience, nd wait until he is on. I actually don't do anything until he's on .w. I usually go to Paint nd think of a project to do when, all I wanna paint/ draw/ sketch is my Avi, his Avi, nd Pikachu.. I usually sit nd think of random things that make me smile. Like the times of all the paragraphs above were. Nd then, I would go on both Gaia nd Facebook to see if he's online yet... That's how much he is to me.
Thank you William..to show me what it feels like to have someone like you in my life. Because you know how much you are to me. More than words. My right half, you're left half. I love you more than old people love chicken x3. With everything I have, the love I wish to have, nd the love I have but cannot see. Remember everything I have done for you. I even made this gigantic thing for you <3. If this isn't enough, I will sing to you in our next call (: you make me smile in every way I can think of. Nd I WILL (I keep my word for now until forever) hold onto your heart...
~ Emilyy
Realizes she likes flowers more than boys |
