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Hello, readers.

I was just reminded it has come to that time of year again. I signed a card for someone. I have no plans for today. Over the past few days, I have accomplished finishing three books in ISS. I have also talked to Mark for the first time in the past week on Friday.

Speaking of him, I know my status. Definitely single.

I left him.

He blamed me without a problem. He apologized later, but sometimes I do stupidly think it all was me. I did give us up. I don't regret it. I cannot change the past, and I'm not going to play this blame game. He had months to get it together. He didn't.

Some things I did not like were:
he always had an excuse for everything, how argumentative and against me he was, and how much he loved to guilt. I just wish he could have come to me, say some real s**t, not some bullshit. And just spoke to me like I deserved to be spoken to.

He thinks I'm seeing someone, gets mad every time he hears something about it. Forever paranoid. I don't know what makes him upset about this, after having royally ******** over. I think the problem is not wanting to see me with someone else, but wanting me around. I encourage him to date. Only a very miniscule part of me misses him. The stupid part. I ignore that part all the time. I just want him to be finally satisfied with his life, for him to heal from his past and stop carrying this crap into his close bonds with others. I guess we'll have to talk about this, keep open communication. But I don't really want to. Would it even be a good idea to talk about it?

I'm getting tired of talking about him. If you've kept up with these entries, you're likely tired of hearing of him. I know.

School is almost over thankfully. I get tired of some of my classmates' immature behavior. School seriously drains me physically and mentally. I'm a better person when I'm not there. I need to do better, though. I'm waiting for it to end so I can stop stressing. I'll be around less drama. I look forward to the summer being bad a**. The only downside will be el diablo heat.

I would talk to my best friend, Scott, every second of every day if possible. I miss him, ugh. I always feel a void whenever a while goes by without us talking. There are those friendships, in which you go long periods of time without talking but are fine. I have some of those types of friendships, but that is not mine and Scott's. We can do that, but don't unless there's not a choice. We thrive off of our talking with each other. Scott is extremely easy talking to with, it's fun and exhilarating, while also being very relaxing. Just enjoyable all around. I haven't been able to talk to him much lately. I hate it.

I'm not saying we having been able to talk at all, just not as much. I'm so thankful for these moments. At least I know he's okay. I wouldn't be able to breathe if I thought otherwise.

I am really ranting in this damn entry. I am going to stop here.

Have a nice day, and I wish all of you a Happy Mother's Day.

User Comments: [1]
Evergreen Night
Community Member

Mon May 14, 2012 @ 05:18am

You know I'm really happy about this. This dude was never for you,
& he showed u this himself.Ik it took u a while to look outside and see for
yourself that a buncha things in this relationship were not ok, not normal.
Can't hide the fact that I'll be happy to see u rid of the toxicness he brought to u.

Awww Saph! I miss ya more, I can bet you on it. Pretty soon we'll get back to how we do, don't worry smile
God I love you so much, Saphire. A lot of how I am is because of YOU, always so thankful we have the privilege of being in one another's lives, each other's beings mrgreen

User Comments: [1]
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