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"High strun-- say X amount of words" |
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(I was listing to Muse's album Absolution then switched to Blue October's "Foiled" and skipped to "X Amount of Words" considering my current state. My mind is relatively clear, but very chaotic as my thoughts threaten self destuction from mania.)
"DAMN." It's loud today. There's another part of myself most people may not notice right off hand until I start gravitating towards it. Mental illness isn't a disease, children. It's an entirely different view of life that can enhance certain qualities, debilitate some functions, induce new sensations and emotions, and ruin the good times--spoil the fun, or make a little problem into a catastrophic disaster. Too much energy is damaging. Too little is dangerous as well. I have Bipolar Disorder-- no idea which type-- just whatever includes mixed episodes. From the past two weeks since I ran into whom I call "the Bitchy Witch of the Trailer Park", it's been getting gradually worse. Kids, always take your happy pills as the nice men in white coats say. They save yourself from a lot misery and keep you functioning on a level that is able to handle everything thrown your way. I have forgotten mine a few days this week and the result is a much more sensitve and dangerous Kateh. I don't trust my own company right now. *sigh* I hate this. Way too much yang energy and chaos flowing through me. I can't sit still, I can't forcus, and I can't stay on task. I'm horribly forgetful too.
The upside of this is maybe that I'm better able to communicate this than I was year or more ago. Don't push my buttons right now. If I snap, you'll regret it. There's these highschool kids who think it's funny to drive by me, yell as they pass, and speed off out of sight. ******** them. Your days are numbered; if I get a liscense plate number, I'm calling the police as well as sending a jinx your way. ... Or it might be better to pray about the situation. I'm still not perfect by any means, I do my best not to torque people's tempers. I'm the type of person who means well, never wants to hurt anyone, and tries my hardest to be myself and a good christian.
I can talk all I want, but it still doesn't solve the issues I have right now. I have food stamps, so I can feed myself now. I don't know. Everytime my mind goes blank and vague, I swear a kid that's a dreamer with some sort of troubled story of their own just thought of something amazing. Everytinme I say something awkward, another gay child is born, or so Marikoe said. I don't have problem with that at all. I get why the bible says homosexuality doesn't work, but there are quite a few people I've met that have chosen this life and can't say I'm going to be against it or for it.
I have a lot to type, and not enough time. Take care everyone.
CrystalKamu · Fri Sep 28, 2012 @ 10:00pm · 0 Comments |
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