I might as well use this since no one's going to bother reading any of this. No one reads journal entries unless it has OC's and is linked in your sig.
Well, today was a horrible day per usual, just when I thought I could go a few days without bitching out my girlfriend.. If I can call her that anymore. First two days back from vacation was fine, then this happens. I get freaked out when she signs in, not surprised or happy anymore. Just scared.
I don't know why i'm so scared of it, maybe it's because i'm scared i'll make her upset, or just scared of her feelings or emotions. I have no idea. And I end up saying things I don't want to. I say them harshly, not in a calm easy non harming way.
I should have just said i've been trying to go to the store, but mom isn't budging. And that now that she signed in, i'll feel like I don't want to go. Not to make you feel guilty or anything, but just because I enjoy your company. Instead of just nonono, everything I say seems to be the wrong thing lately. I make everyone angry and upset, I can't keep my mouth shut because the words I do want to say get drowned out by ones i'm used too.
I usually hate gushing my feelings out on a place people can see this, but I don't care right now since i'm just desperately trying. To at least have her look at me. I don't care if it's shallow, or being an attention whore. All I want is to her to look at what I said, and at least give me something. Whether it be a I forgive you or a let's part ways or even lets break up.
I don't care what you say, even if it'll tear my heart to pieces, I just want you to turn around and give me something. Something final. I can't go on with this hanging in the air, it doesn't feel finished or over with, it just feels not right. And I think about it constantly. And that frustrates me because I cannot move on from it.
And that is the end of my long rant, i'm so sorry.
Its Contagious Community Member 
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