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Over the years, I've made a lot of friends. Both in real life and online. I've made some good, some bad and some in between. Some have changed my life and some went by unnoticed. I never knew myself to be a very outgoing person. So, it was easier for me to find people online. When I became a freshman, I had quite a few friends. And, over the years, those friends really disappeared. One by one, they walked out of my life. I currently have very few friends that I really trust. That I know would have my back if I needed help.

I realized that I push people away. I begin getting close and I get scared. It's much easier for me to listen to others, and help them, then it is to talk and recieve help. When I get to close to someone, I usually shut down. I realize that's not a good thing, that I shouldn't push them away but it just comes so naturally to me. After having friends come and go my whole life, who wouldn't want to just by happy, even if that means they are by themselves?

I have a few friends in real life that mean a lot to me. One of them, the one I talk to the most, I feel comfortable around. I see him the most too, which is petty nice. I don't feel as awkward as I normally do when I'm around him. I met him a few years ago. Then, theres the girl. She's a pretty amazing person. She has some secrets, some I've helped her through and others she had before I showed up. They have both been a real blessing in my life. I can't really see who I would've been without them showing me the way at times. They know how to make me laugh and smile, and feel good about myself.

I just sometimes feel so scared and alone. But, with the help of friends, I've realized that they are always there. Kind of like stars in the sky. You can't always see them, but they are always there, making sure you're gonna be okay. Even when I want to push them away, I don't think I would have the heart to. These people have impacted me in ways that I can't describe. They've made me more understanding and confident. They make me proud to be who I am. I realize that I never want to push those two away. They're very special to me and I don't want them to hear my name in fifty years and ask, "Who was she?" I want to help impact their lives. I want them to remember me and smile when they think of me. The way I smile when I think of them.

I recently made an online friend. And, it comes so naturally to talk to this guy, to feel comfortable around him. I feel like I can tell him my secrets and trust that he wont share it to a soul. We've gotten really close I would say. Talking to him daily, hearing how his day goes and what his thoughts are. He's so easy to talk to which scares me. I fear that I'm going to start pushing him away, even though I don't want to. Even though it scares me. I feel so comfortable talking to him, whether it's because he can't see me, or he can't look at me and judge me. Whatever it is, I don't feel as worried when I say what I feel. I just blurt it out and he excepts what I say, which is something I rarely ever feel.