To be honest, I'm slightly terrified that I'm going to be a disappointment. I would hate it if I were to disappoint him. I sometimes have these thoughts that circle through my head. And then sometimes I start thinking too much. So there is this part of me that is scared that I am going to disappoint him. Because of how I am. I know how I can be, and sometimes I am pretty disappointing.
I've never been comfortable with myself. So, opening up in general is hard for me. Not really opening up in a communication way (even though I suck at that part too) but more in like... A romantic kind of way. Because of me being self conscious, I find it hard to allow myself to show anything, it isn't just me being shy or awkward. It's me not happy with who I am, so I don't want anyone to see me. It's kind of dumb, I know. But it's just how I am.
I am not wanting to end this rant the way it was going. I am in a happy mood and this is actually a few hours after the first half that I am writing this. So, I am going to share some quotes and rant slightly about how perfect they are.
"I literally crave affection. It's not about sex. I crave somebody to cuddle with me, and to lay their head on my lap. I crave kisses, holding hands and running my thumb across theirs. Just looking at someone and thinking 'how did I get this lucky?'" -unknown
This quote speaks to me on such a deep level. It's insane how quotes can say exactly how you feel. I do want to constandly be holding his hand and running my fingers across his skin because, well. That's what I do. I want to cuddle him when he's tired or as we watch a movie. I want to lean against him while I read and he does whatever it is he wants to do at that moment in time.
"When I first met her, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for her to stay" -Scott Fitzgerald
It's funny. That's kind of how it happened. At first, when I started talking to him I never knew that I would enjoy his company this much. Even though I knew from the start that there was something more to how we were meeting, I never thought it would actually work through. It took me a little while before finally realizing that I needed to do something, becuase in those few little moments I realized that I didn't want him to leave anymore.
"If you asked me how many times you've crossed my mind I would say once because you never really left" -unknown
"I smile like an idiot when I think about you" -unknown
... Yep, pretty much. There isn't really any explaining necessary for this one. It's just kind of a statement.
Okay. And last quote of this journal because it's becoming so long and unnecessary to have so many different topics in one journal.
"I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say goodnight and give you forehead kisses and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways were I just want to be next to you and nothing more or less." -unknown
To wrap things up, I went on a hunt for this quote. This is saying exactly what I wish I could say. I have always been this way. And to read something that is incredibly accurate and so lovely is rather beautiful. I love this quote with a passion. And it says everything that I couldn't say. I do crave him in the most innovent way and it drives me absolutely crazy.
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