10:20 PM
I read thru my old journal entries and got the need to make another one lmao.
Nothing really note worthy really happened to me the past year since my last entry besides my good buddy (my old scarowinds partner Bubbles the Clown) got married this past march! I was incredibly honored to share that day with them <3
It was a beautiful ceremony and I had a lot of fun seeing my friends again <3 (I've sorta became a hermit so I hadnt been leaving my house like..at all. But that's been an issue for like...almost 4 years - im not an incredibly social person)
And tbf there was probably other things that happened between now and my last entry but my memory has a lot of blank spaces - memory hasnt been the greatest. Especially when I was in a deep depression from not working all time has blurred together..
I got a job finally tho. My best friend's been on the look out for me when Amazon started up hiring again and let me kno right away when that happened. So now I work a fulfillment center at Amazon! I've only been there like...6 weeks almost? And I really enjoy it so far. My feeties dont but they can shove it (developed plantar fascist in both feet yay so if i dont take a prescription pain killer it gets almost unbearably painful to even stand c: ) I'm incredibly thankful for my best friend for this opportunity..I tried other places before but I either never got called back or I had an anxiety attack trying to fill out an application...(Sad but true. I started crying in a Chick-fi-la cause I got overwhelmed with the application and all the loud noises in the restaurant - a screaming kid next to my other best friend and I is what set it all off thanks screaming crotch fruit.)
Still in therapy w my psychiatrist and therapist - even started a group therapy for anxiety with said therapist today!
I was too scared and embarrassed to speak up at all so that went as well as expected. Great start yall.
For some reason I just wasnt expecting the other group members to be..much older than me..I'm 23 but these guys (at least seemed) to be 30+...And they had actual - valid - issues while I just sat there like...I got anxiety over agreeing to a movie date last night? But I've been in a much better place seeing both my psychiatrist and therapist one-on-one. I almost cried because my psychiatrist said she really enjoyed seeing me and described me as a 'daisy in a dessert'. Basically meant I was something beautiful prevailing over harsh conditions...Which was honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me..
Speaking of yea...That thing. I'm not even really sure I can say its a date...It's with a friend of mine that I just started to see more of (he's the front man in his garage punk band and I started to go to his shows now that i got money) and after his show last night he walked me back to my car and asked me and what movie i wanted to see n without thinking i yelled jURASSIC WORLD 2 while pounding the side of my fist on my car door. (I've already seen it with my dad last week but i loved it so much i have no issue seeing it again lmao) and it didn't hit me what I did until i got home then I was like...Wait...Wait..what did I do?
W H A T D I D I J U S T D O???
Cause like...He told me he had a crush on me for like 2 years (im so sorry dude you made a horrible choice..) and like...I had a feeling but bc im so scared of turning out like my family (we dont have a great track record of romance and I dont want to be like that either - i cant stand the thought of hurting a friend like that. Clarification I just want to disclaim that I would never cheat tho. I know what that felt like and I ******** refuse to do that to someone else im more talking about if it dosent work out n s**t) and not to mention I've only seen 3 people in my whole life (2 were just flings but 1 was an actual relationship) and i just???
I am a child I dont know how date work wHAT
And not to mention I have a crush on a guy at work...But I think its mainly bc he reminds me of Aizawa from my hero academia but with short hair...And that shits not gunna go anywhere. But when I'm with my friend I genuinely have a great time talking to him and he cute n we flirt a lot...So maybe I caught the hands of feelings?
I also suck at processing emotions like a human being..So I dont even know what im feeling really. I'm a p solitary person too...I barely initiate texts and I dont do much (like a pet rock) I'm just normally ok w anything going on - what ever you wanna do and what ever works best for you - i'm usually ok with it. So that would make me seem like a boring person (which I am) and my friend deserves much more than a boring rock like me...
On a last highly unrelated note I've been taking care of my older sister's 2 month old puppy for the past 2 weeks. My brother had taken care of his friends dogs for a weekend and the chihuahua had three pups and my sister just happened to be in town for work too. Once she saw the pups she freaked and was dead set on having the middle pup (my fav was the runt tho she a real cutie i called her bean cause they didnt have names yet. Scout, Scamp, and Bean is what I called the 3 e we <3) And my brother convinced his friends to sell Scamp (now named Rory) to my sister. Problem was that my sister went back home to Colorado so what do now?
Enter me and my mom taking care of the lil baby till my sister came back into town to take back w her. It was fun while it lasted (altho i was on the verge of crying one night cause it was my turn to night watch puppy and at like 5 am she wouldnt stop being hyper and bite the s**t out of me I went into my moms room and cried about how much i sucked as a pet momma n that this was a precursor to what ill be like if i do have kids I just kno it. But she's been doing excellent since my sister took over (she came into town yesterday) Rory's a chiuahua, malteese, yorkie mix and she's sO ******** PRECIOUS. Mom n I will be pretty sad to see Rory goo on saturday...
Ugh im tired and my eyes are dry AF rn I wanna sleep cries. I'll fix this with the proper edits later but now i gotta close my eyes omg
Nothing really note worthy really happened to me the past year since my last entry besides my good buddy (my old scarowinds partner Bubbles the Clown) got married this past march! I was incredibly honored to share that day with them <3
It was a beautiful ceremony and I had a lot of fun seeing my friends again <3 (I've sorta became a hermit so I hadnt been leaving my house like..at all. But that's been an issue for like...almost 4 years - im not an incredibly social person)
And tbf there was probably other things that happened between now and my last entry but my memory has a lot of blank spaces - memory hasnt been the greatest. Especially when I was in a deep depression from not working all time has blurred together..
I got a job finally tho. My best friend's been on the look out for me when Amazon started up hiring again and let me kno right away when that happened. So now I work a fulfillment center at Amazon! I've only been there like...6 weeks almost? And I really enjoy it so far. My feeties dont but they can shove it (developed plantar fascist in both feet yay so if i dont take a prescription pain killer it gets almost unbearably painful to even stand c: ) I'm incredibly thankful for my best friend for this opportunity..I tried other places before but I either never got called back or I had an anxiety attack trying to fill out an application...(Sad but true. I started crying in a Chick-fi-la cause I got overwhelmed with the application and all the loud noises in the restaurant - a screaming kid next to my other best friend and I is what set it all off thanks screaming crotch fruit.)
Still in therapy w my psychiatrist and therapist - even started a group therapy for anxiety with said therapist today!
I was too scared and embarrassed to speak up at all so that went as well as expected. Great start yall.
For some reason I just wasnt expecting the other group members to be..much older than me..I'm 23 but these guys (at least seemed) to be 30+...And they had actual - valid - issues while I just sat there like...I got anxiety over agreeing to a movie date last night? But I've been in a much better place seeing both my psychiatrist and therapist one-on-one. I almost cried because my psychiatrist said she really enjoyed seeing me and described me as a 'daisy in a dessert'. Basically meant I was something beautiful prevailing over harsh conditions...Which was honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me..
Speaking of yea...That thing. I'm not even really sure I can say its a date...It's with a friend of mine that I just started to see more of (he's the front man in his garage punk band and I started to go to his shows now that i got money) and after his show last night he walked me back to my car and asked me and what movie i wanted to see n without thinking i yelled jURASSIC WORLD 2 while pounding the side of my fist on my car door. (I've already seen it with my dad last week but i loved it so much i have no issue seeing it again lmao) and it didn't hit me what I did until i got home then I was like...Wait...Wait..what did I do?
W H A T D I D I J U S T D O???
Cause like...He told me he had a crush on me for like 2 years (im so sorry dude you made a horrible choice..) and like...I had a feeling but bc im so scared of turning out like my family (we dont have a great track record of romance and I dont want to be like that either - i cant stand the thought of hurting a friend like that. Clarification I just want to disclaim that I would never cheat tho. I know what that felt like and I ******** refuse to do that to someone else im more talking about if it dosent work out n s**t) and not to mention I've only seen 3 people in my whole life (2 were just flings but 1 was an actual relationship) and i just???
I am a child I dont know how date work wHAT
And not to mention I have a crush on a guy at work...But I think its mainly bc he reminds me of Aizawa from my hero academia but with short hair...And that shits not gunna go anywhere. But when I'm with my friend I genuinely have a great time talking to him and he cute n we flirt a lot...So maybe I caught the hands of feelings?
I also suck at processing emotions like a human being..So I dont even know what im feeling really. I'm a p solitary person too...I barely initiate texts and I dont do much (like a pet rock) I'm just normally ok w anything going on - what ever you wanna do and what ever works best for you - i'm usually ok with it. So that would make me seem like a boring person (which I am) and my friend deserves much more than a boring rock like me...
On a last highly unrelated note I've been taking care of my older sister's 2 month old puppy for the past 2 weeks. My brother had taken care of his friends dogs for a weekend and the chihuahua had three pups and my sister just happened to be in town for work too. Once she saw the pups she freaked and was dead set on having the middle pup (my fav was the runt tho she a real cutie i called her bean cause they didnt have names yet. Scout, Scamp, and Bean is what I called the 3 e we <3) And my brother convinced his friends to sell Scamp (now named Rory) to my sister. Problem was that my sister went back home to Colorado so what do now?
Enter me and my mom taking care of the lil baby till my sister came back into town to take back w her. It was fun while it lasted (altho i was on the verge of crying one night cause it was my turn to night watch puppy and at like 5 am she wouldnt stop being hyper and bite the s**t out of me I went into my moms room and cried about how much i sucked as a pet momma n that this was a precursor to what ill be like if i do have kids I just kno it. But she's been doing excellent since my sister took over (she came into town yesterday) Rory's a chiuahua, malteese, yorkie mix and she's sO ******** PRECIOUS. Mom n I will be pretty sad to see Rory goo on saturday...
Ugh im tired and my eyes are dry AF rn I wanna sleep cries. I'll fix this with the proper edits later but now i gotta close my eyes omg
11:08PM
06/28/2018
