As I'm typing this, I'm drinking that leftover blue wine from my 29th birthday...

It was pretty lonely this year.

Everyone expects a clown jumping for joy, but with seizures controlling my usual energy levels... I'm just a shade in the dark.

Y'know... I have to wonder why I keep fighting it when they come.

Is it because they hurt? Would make more sense.

It's not like dying that way would be my fault.

I mean, I've never been that much of a woman, so what do I need my 30's for?

I've never really made much in my living time, besides emotional messes, heh.

It would have been nice not to have so many limits to what I can and cannot do, then I could have at least made a world to love separate of the one that hates me so.

It had to be that I get all that I needed when I've come so close to not being able to do anything at all. No matter how hard I've tried, everything has fallen apart, and people have run away.

I feel.... so very lonely, and this stupid wine is making me cry a river......

I'm just gonna go to bed... maybe something will happen today.

Who knows.