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Yarn (completed)
Once upon a time in Muffintown, Connectandcut, the Happyfolk lived out their peaceful lives. Everyone and everything seemed happy all the time. There was no fighting, no war, and no arguments. Then came the Sex Kittens!
They looked like regular kittens, but would repeat weird conversations between Luke and Scott whenever they felt necessary. Some people laughed their heads off (not in the literal term), but some were highly offended at the comedy styling of Scuke. They would plug their ears and attempt to kill the Sex Kittens, but alas, they could easily die and replicate, like the Gremlins.
Out of the blue the Grim Reaper came to take the souls of the dead villagers the Sex Kittens ate, because they were starting to abuse them for their comedy shows. Then Kaitlin popped out. She begged the Grim Reaper to take her, but he said she's died too many times and he was getting tired of bringing her down when the devil was just going to send her back.
While this was happening BethElle spontaneously appeared (man, how does everyone just appear? It's like a freak magic show!) and joined the Sex Kittens because of the villagers abuse towards them.
The villagers started to beg for them to leave so the Sex Kittens said, “Fine. We will leave if you give us all of your women and children! We will leave peacefully and never return.”
So in a cloud of smoke, the Kittens disappeared with the women and children. Then the villagers were peaceful. Until…
Kaitlin returned from her "trip"! The villagers screamed like mad, as they thought she was "gone". Silly humans! she thought, and used her elfish powers to implode them all. She conjured unbreakable barriers to surround the village and protect against the Kittens. She then called all of her elfish or otherwisely deranged "human" friends.
But their morbid, odd, "happy" life was corrupted when Luke Schmuke The Duke Without A Fluke came! He terrorized the town throwing his balls (pokéballs, kiddies) all over the place! Oh, it was horrible! However, Unstickytape came and destroyed Luke’s balls with his 5 Charizards and Illegal Mexican Pokémon. Then Unstickytape left the town in a mysterious manner.
The town then honored Unstickytape for saving the town from Luke Schmuke The Duke Without A Fluke. They erected a statue in his honor; hoping he would come back some day. But then the next day, a horrible villain came into town. His name was Stickytape!
Even though Stickytape terrorized everything around him he was no match for Jumbo Jared and Little Luke. Wait, no, it was King George the cross dresser that saved them! He scared everyone with his ability to look like an ugly woman. All of a sudden he disappeared. So Stickytape kept on destroying the village.
A UFO came crashing down from Uranus (thanks to Caroline). Re Tard stepped out and screamed, "TURKEY!" Then Otis hopped out of the ship. Those two were trouble. Re Tard spoke. “If you don't get my love to me, then you shall pay the consequences. If you don't, you will have to be my servant. I know it is unfair, but life is unfair.”
So life happened for a while. But soon there were cows. Hundreds and hundreds of them. Last, but not least, there was a talking chicken. The cows decided to kill the chicken, but unfortunately the Grim Reaper gave the chicken a second life, in which it shall rule the world. The chicken used the cows as its servants and the whole world turned dark. It was no longer a Happyfolk village. All of a sudden there came a noise.
“AHHHHHH!” she screamed, as she burnt her finger on the brownie pan. Katie Crocker had done it again! Created the tastiest food. But she was hurt in the process. Something moved outside her kitchen window.
It was Fadek! He came with the Plutonian, Me. They were on the hunt for Otis and Retard. Suddenly, goldfish started to come from the sky *eerie space music* and they took over! They killed off Otis, Re Tard, Fadek, BethElle, Dynamic Duo (Luke and Jared), Stickytape, Kaitlin, Cows, Chickens, Katie Crocker, (not the Grim), King George (may his cross dressing soul rest in peace), elves, Sex Kittens, Pokémon, and Villagers. The goldfish were excited because they love corn and there is an abundance of corn (no, not muffins) in Muffintown.
A few years passed. Then, a squirrel named Spaz called in Turkey, the president from Mars (the Goat Senate agreed to send them, "Baa" is what they said). Turkey made a deal with the goldfish. The goldfish agreed to resurrect all the things they killed and to leave (they can leave Re Tard dead though) for 10 pounds of unsticky tape!
After that was established, Unstickytape soon appeared and saved the day, with his powers to generate unsticky tape whenever! The unsticky tape was given to the goldfish, and then Otis, Re Tard, Fadek, BethElle, the Dynamic Duo (Luke and Jared), Stickytape, Kaitlin, Cows, Chickens, Katie Crocker, (not the Grim), King George, the elves, the Sex Kittens, the Pokémon, and the villagers were resurrected! Everyone praised Unstickytape for his awesome powers. But then came a sound. It made everyone’s blood run cold. It seems that Unstickytape had met his match. It was the Endangered Ska Llama!
Yes little kiddies, it was she! With her fantastical ninja pirate llama panda powers. But she only made the bad peoples blood run cold. For she was the good one. Indeed she was. She gave the little kiddies lollipops (don't go there, weirdo...). She made sure that the unsticky tape was taken away from the people because when it was used it caused drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, and sometimes cancer.
The tape company made an emergency recall notice, telling everyone that their tape was unsticky and highly dangerous. The Dynamic Duo was feeling suspicious, so they flew over to the tape factory to find that Stickytape had taken over the tape company to take over the world! The sticky substance on the tape had controlled the minds of the lollipops of the kids and created an army of evil lollipops that controlled the minds of kiddies! The evil kiddies set their teddy bear launchers to "kill".
The people had to do something about this growing menace. Then, King George had an idea! He thought if he could reverse the side effects of the tape, they would have an army of model citizens. So he cross-dressed them. Then the Grim came out with his boyfriend Blake (the Calvin Klien underwear model) and said, "You have defied the laws of gravity!"
King George was confused, so he decided to make it up to him with a PowerPoint on Korea and China called "I don't know". It was so good! Mr. Hanley didn't print it out and only took points off for putting the map last on a slide. Then the Grim killed Mr. Hanley for being a boring person and because his mustache was too weird. Then the Grim left.
Then, out of the blue, a meteor came crashing down from the heavens! Unstickytape tried to stop it but he was burnt up to ashes! Then he reformed himself and tried again. But, to his surprise, he turned to ashes again! Then Stickytape and Unstickytape decided to join together to defeat the comet! Unfortunately, when they banded together, they became a roll of tape.
Then BethElle decided to sing a song about how lovely the meteor was. All the animals in the forest came to listen to their wonderful singing. And to their surprise, they were like the Pan Piper, and the animals worked together and stopped the meteor! Don't ask how. The town then destroyed the statue of Unstickytape and put up one of BethElle, and all was good in the town where the Happyfolk lived. Then one day, Strangefolk arrived in the town.
They came in camouflage, hidden behind dark glasses, but no one noticed them.
They only saw shadows. You see, without the truth of the eyes, the Happyfolk were blind.
With permission from Jack Skellington, Nirex sent Lock, Shock, and Barrel to kidnap the Strangefolk. Of course, they were extremely stupid so instead they kidnapped Luke. When Nirex found Luke in the bathtub instead of the Strangefolk, she didn't really care. Lock, Shock, and Barrel were very bored so they ran off. She then got really pissed off at them so she, Luke, and Jack Skellington began murdering the Strangefolk. Then suddenly Jack's head got knocked off and he went to go and find it...
With dire consequences.
He saw his head rolling towards a mysterious forest. He ran after it. Alone in the forest, he was starting to get scared. So, being the Pumpkin King, he scared the fear out of himself. Then he felt fine. He picked up his head and screwed it back on. He screamed at what was before him.
Meanwhile, the whole Prophecy Numba 1 musical came, with the whole "I Can Show You the World" and so forth. And while that was happening, King George was discussing clothing with Blake.
"I really think you would do well as a cross dresser, because the underwear thing is getting out of trend."
"WHAT?! King George, that is a hideous thing to say, because Calvin Klien never gets old!"
While that was happening, Jack screamed because Re Tard was right in front of him. Jack never had this problem, but Re Tard was one of the creepiest creatures, with her ability to be weird. Retard could almost spin around. She then cried, “Why, oh why me, why can I spin, not anyone else?" And Luke answered, “Because you are a FREEK!”
So then the cows came back and took over the world, but everyone got mad and
the Mexicans came! They had a huge fiesta! There were piñatas, jalapenos, dancing, drugs, and much more! Also, the Mexicans resurrected Unsticky and Stickytape. Then the Happyfolk destroyed the statue of BethElle, and brought up a new statue of the Mexicans! Oh, life was so peaceful… until that one fateful night when the Mexicans were run over by Lock, Shock, and Barrel in their bathtub!
Okay, Luke and Nirex were bored too, so they decided to chase Lock, Shock, and Barrel for fun. When they had arrived at the Mexicans’ party, they decided to be annoying and started to sing "This is Halloween". The Mexicans were so annoyed that their party had been ruined with this delightfully creepy theme song that they evaporated.
Meanwhile, Jack was running away from Re Tard while she was spinning like a top when Reesie, Erin's guinea pig, jumped out of his pocket! Jack was annoyed because she had magically gotten the ability to fly (don't ask how) and has stolen his head again! Jack chased Reesie into the Town and the villagers thought that the flying guinea pig was so cute that they tore down the Mexican statue and built one of Reesie instead! (Whoa, is that like, their fourth one?)
Anyway, Luke and Nirex were singing "This is Halloween" for the sixty-fourth time when suddenly a killer monkey appeared and ate the resurrected Unstickytape, Stickytape, all the drugs and a few Mexicans! Then it charged at Nirex and Luke who was still singing “this is Halloween” but by the time it got close, it died of a drug overdose. The Mexicans, thinking that Nirex and Luke had used their powers to destroy the killer monkey, started trick-or-treating until they remembered that they had evaporated. So they ceased to exist.
On their 106th round of "This is Halloween", Nirex and Luke got bored and sploded. Reesie got sad because now she couldn't eat their shirts. So she pressed a button on her TV remote and the Reesie statue shot beams out of its eyes, turning everyone into sofas!
Now Reesie had absolutely no shirts to eat, so she decided to resurrect them all. To do this, she needed Michael Jackson, laxatives, an ice cream scoop, a blender, a maple seed, a sofa, a featherless pigeon, pigeon feathers in a Ziploc bag, and a wire whisk. She already had plenty of sofas, so she summoned the Peanut Butter Jelly Time banana to go get everything else. But, he started singing, so Reesie shot him with her statue's eye beams, and was hungry so she ate him. She then summoned Sora to do her bidding. He fought with his backyard key (he forgot his keyblade on the ship) and brought the ingredients to Reesie. However, something went terribly wrong during the resurrection!
Everyone and everything turned into spiders. This would be cool except for the fact that space spider-eating alien thingies had come to destroy everybody! Then a guy in a top hat and a guy with wings squished the spider eating alien thingies and all the spiders made a big statue of them. Now everything was cool until the army of Pikachu's came!
They were hideous and thus anyone who saw them died. So Top Hat and Wings turned everybody back into people except Reesie, who became a goddess with sunglasses! Top Hat and Wings stepped upon many Pikachu's, but there were too many and they ate them. Thus it was up to Reesie, Nirex and Luke! So they decided to call King George to close his eyes and cross-dress them. They were all out of ideas, so, yeah. Apparently Blake came too. And wherever Blake goes, Grim Reaper goes too. Wherever Grim goes, Kaitlin goes too. Wherever Kaitlin goes, Taylor goes too! Just kidding, I meant her elfish friends.
So, they banded together and defeated the Pikachu’s. Then BethElle came and held a concert. So there was a humongous statue of Kaitlin, Grim, Blake, elfish friends, and King George. The people that died were resurrected but something bad happened again. Since King George resurrected them they all became cross dressers and had some weird defect of acting like Re Tard. So all was not well, until the heroes Unsticky and Stickytape came!
Athough they were still only an empty tape container. So, since Scott was Unstickytape, and Luke for some reason, was not Stickytape, everyone was sad to realize their favorite Hippie Goth Librarian with a Wand was now made of plastic. So BethElle, King George, Blake, the Grim Reaper, Erin, Luke, Kaitlin, and everyone else decided to try to bring back Scott and his Hippie Goth Librarian with a Wandiness stuff. But they screwed up and opened a wormhole leading to another dimension!
So, the Happyfolk decided to throw their old statues of god knows what into the wormhole to close it. Fortunately, they did, and while having given the other life forms old crappy useless statues that they thought were cool, they turned the plastic back into Unstickytape and Stickytape! Then, with a swift motion, Unstickytape kicked Stickytape's a** in combat over front row seats to all the BethElle concerts ever, plus backstage passes, and all their CD's!
Unstickytape devoured Stickytape’s powers, making him stronger (even though it wasn’t possible!) Then Unstickytape turned back into Scott, and he became the Hippie Goth Librarian with a Wand, Elle from BethElle became the hot pirate, Luke became the detective, and everyone else turned back into their Halloween costumes from 2006!
Then came the cake. Yes, there was a cake to celebrate Halloween as a "reward" from someone anonymous. The cake was made in Unstickytape's honor. But just as the Hippie Goth Librarian with a Wand was about to eat it, Lock, Shock, and Barrel jumped out of it and kidnapped him! The bathtub then walked to Oogie's lair within fifteen minutes, as they had realized that the wormhole had messed everything up and put Muffintown right next to Halloween Town.
Anyway, as Scott was being thrown into Oogie's casino down that odd pipe, high-pitched maniacal laughter could be heard in the distance. And, it was not Lock, Shock, Barrel, Oogie, or even Stickytape! It was Nirex, Luke, Jack, and Reesie!
They were laughing for hours on end, when suddenly Oogie Boogie remembered he was allergic to pot (which hippies smoke)! So, he sneezed, and Scott the unsticky hippie Goth librarian tape with a wand flew to Kansas! He hit the ground and almost sploded. But he didn't. So Alfie ran over from his hillbilly farm with lasers and stuck pieces of bamboo under his fingernails. He ran away. While Scott was crying out in pain, God was bored and made the pieces of bamboo explosive. You can figure out how it ended.
Meanwhile, God also decided to drop a piano on Oogie's casino. And he did. And it smashed through all the floors. And it hit the root of the tree.
And the tree fell.
And everyone fell.
However, they had all survived! So, Reesie ate Oogie Boogie's shirt, thus causing his bugs to spill out. Then, the house, which had been falling this entire time, landed. Then a warp portal opened in the sky! Out of it came Re Tard, in all of her retarded unglory.
Seeing that everyone was staring at her, she started talking about how much she loved Turkey and other stuff. Scott the Hippie (who had come back from Kansas) tried to run, so she threw a sofa at him. But, the killer monkey that BethElle had tamed and resurrected ate it, but since it was so big, he died. Then the Grim Reaper and its boyfriend Blake appeared and gave it back because it smelled like Re Tard. Beth was so happy that she got her killer monkey back that she gave grass clippings to Re Tard (I don't now what she does with them, but I'm guessing it’s not all that good)!
Re Tard made a huge grass pile. She used hundreds of hula-hoops as a rim and decided to try swimming in the grass clippings. She stood on the edge of the hoops and jumped in, but once she touched the top of the grass, a huge black hole opened.
The hole started to swallow everything up. Re Tard ran and ran and ran! Kaitlin popped out of nowhere, with Chris, Adam, Syann, and Caine trailing behind her. She stood in front of the hole and yelled "IMPLOSION!!!" She then jumped back, stared into the black depths of the hole (thus "black" hole!) and yelled, "Taylor? Is that you?" (He PMed me that he imploded and became a black hole... this could be him.) Then…
(Suspenseful space…)
Emoticons jumped out of the hole!
exclaim xd smile sad smile sad wahmbulance rofl ninja eek ninja eek
As they popped out, so did Dorothy and Toto, who went over the rainbow to blow off Auntie Em! Apparently they learned that over the rainbow there was this black hole.
Anyhoo, everything was well until the emoticons exploded from their cage (I forgot to mention they were caged)! So Bob, the water balloon made of latex glove, came and blew up. Even though he was a temporary hero, he flooded the icons out. So, the millionth statue was made of Bob. But, the Master of the Elements came out and said that the flooding was her trademark, so they built one of her. But another being was about to have her statue replaced. It was the Endangered Ska Llama!
Yes, little kiddies, it was she, with her fantastical ninja pirate llama panda powers! While all of this fun stuff was happening, she was text-messaging people on her cell phone because her mom was on the computer. When the Dynamic Duo texted her that everyone but her had had a statue in Muffintown, she decided to get one of her own! So, she rode a dinosaur over the Master of the Elements' statue and threw chocolate ice cream (her one weakness) at the real Master of the Elements. Then a statue of Endangered Ska Llama fell from the sky and landed smack dab in the middle of everything.
But evil was afoot! Godzilla was seen on the horizon, preparing to smash all of Tokyo! I mean, Muffintown! Someone shouted, "Eets Go Duhzeela!" and everyone ran screaming. All, that is, except for the good Endangered Ska Llama and Spazzy's sister Rachia (she's too insane to know that a squirroon can't defeat a gyhugic lizard). They could only defeat Godzilla if all the good little boys and girls united in song for them! So, all the kiddies decided to sing their favorite song, "This is Halloween".
Since Godzilla was Japanese, he had no clue what Halloween was. But he then remembered some cross dresser saying something about armies of perfect citizens and Halloween, so Godzilla imploded and standing in his place was an army of (dun dun dunnn) perfect citizens! All of the good little boys and girls were so terrified that they killed all of themselves.
But suddenly, they all used that random revive reincarnation thing using Michael Jackson, a maple seed, a sofa, and a pigeon and they all came back to life!
But suddenly, they saw the perfect citizens again and they killed themselves once again. But they weren’t suicidal or anything so they wanted to come back to life, but they all killed themselves, revived themselves again, and ran away from the perfect citizens because they developed a sense of logic. Just then, something blew out of the sky in front of them! It was that one thing that can fly, which has the name of Robin (the most awesome superhero ever)!
Then the little perfect citizens were like, "Lyke OhMeGawd! It's someone more perfecter than us!!1111one!!!1!uno! We must kill... roy..." And then Robin was like, "Oh no you didn't, girlfriend (and boyfriends, if ye be a guy)!" And he went all ninja Robin on them and whooped their [insert foul language here] until they were all the way in Shoogah Land. But that didn't stop then, perfects. Then them perfect people came back with Batman (who got drunk. [Off of eggnog, kiddies]).
But Batman was too lazy and off-key to fight his bestest friend in the whole wide world, so the citizens got a huge chunk of cheese and dropped it on what's his face's head, who promptly exploded into a pair of gimungo rats who tried to eat the cheese. But, they were beaten away by Taylor, who wanted to eat the cheese himself.
This caused the rats to get angry and whack his mole like Kaitlin did at the beach. He curled up in the corner like a baby seal. So, Kaitlin came out and started to kick him, and the rats joined because it looked fun. Thus, the game Slarm was created. Whoever gave Taylor the most bruises won! But suddenly the game became evil and it spat out Godzilla and Chuck Norris!
They fell on the villagers and killed them. So, Chuck Norris used his divine healing powers to heal them all. Then the Domokun attacked! domokun domokun domokun Then, the llamas joined in! dramallama dramallama dramallama
Everyone was about to die when that Fantastical Ninja Pirate Llama Panda appeared. She was like, “LYKE OHMEGAWD! Oh no!” Then she told her buddies the ninja llamas to attack the domos and then it was like, POW! BOOM! KER-PLOP! everywhere (no idea where "KER-PLOP" came from). And amazingly, when the domos exploded, the Willy Wonka song started to play and lots and lots of Willy Wonka candy was falling out of the sky because the domos were made out of chocolate! Mmhmm. And when it looked like a terrifical ending something or someone was seen on the horizon!
It was Re Tard! She turned all of the candy into grass clippings. A really angry Willy Wonka appeared and resurrected Godzilla to kill the retarded one. Then a UFO came down and took Re Tard back to Mars by luring her in with a picture of the president.
Thus, Willy Wonka ordered Godzilla to eat Re Tard's first-born child (if she would ever have any). So Godzilla waited, until he passed away due to old age. So all was forgotten about the whole deal. But Willy Wonka decided to make a deal with Re Tard. He said, “Give me all of your candy and I will give you the president.”
Of course, she agreed with the deal. But this deal was twisted and she got a dead president. She burst into tears and wanted revenge.
She took out a machete and chased Willy Wonka away. But then aliens from Mars came and said, “We will devour your soul unless you blow up.” Then Re Tard said, “Neither of those sound too pleasant.”
So, she took a high-powered laser-precision plasma beam gun-thingy that she had been charging the whole time in her pocket. Re Tard pulled the trigger and the aliens were blasted back into space and crashed into Mars, which presently exploded. Then, she took the dead president and the machete and cut him up and barbecued him because she was hungry.
Suddenly, Chuck Norris came back and obliterated Re Tard and Scott, who was killed in the crossfire. Oh, poor Scott! Anyway, back to relevant matters. Tanks from Mars invaded the earth and killed Scott again (didn’t see that one coming). Then more explosions came! Guess who dies now? Megan! And Scott! Megan then killed BC using a painful torture method described to him yesterday. Then lightning strikes Scott who dies after the paramedics realize there are tires missing from their ambulance and thus fall off the edge of a cliff where they combust in the air as a bomb falls on them (tough luck Scott)!
Then Chuck Norris killed everything including himself and thus ends this tale.
Many years later, the many statues were rebuilt in honor of this strange and fabulous day. The story was passed down from generation to generation, and each year on July 16th, there would be a re-enactment of the war between the many factions. The festivities included guinea pig races, Mexican dancing, trick-or-treating, and many more. The winners of each game would win a replica of the statue built for each and every one of the characters in the story. Except for Re Tard, who no one wanted to remember.
Until one day, when a goldfish was spotted in the fountain in the town square.
THE END?
ALTERNATE ENDING
After all the fighting and saving and statuing of the heroes was done, everyone sighed with relief, and then had a soda. Then, a giant fireball came shooting down from the sky. There was no time, there were no screams, there was just fire, and then nothing.
The giant meteor made of meat had landed directly on Luke and Erin, who were next to George and Blake. Scott and Ellian were somewhere else. Probably doing something irrelevant to the story.
Anyway…
Scott and Luke had no time to turn into Unstickytape and Stickytape. The Earth was screwed anyway. Also, Scott’s Hippie Goth Librarian With A Wandiness didn't do much either.
So big meteor made of meat hits Earth, everyone dies, blah blah blah.
Exactly one second after the meaty meteor destroyed Earth, a semi-short kid named Ekul in a galaxy called the Yaw Yklim on a planet called Htrae decided to put a story in his lanruoj which was titled Nray, on a website called Aiag. The game was where everyone collaborated to make a weird and cool story. Then the painful process began and ended in the déja vu from hell. Then Kushton Atcher came out of nowhere and shouted, "You got déja vu’d!”
The... erm... End
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