I'm just not sure wuts going to happen to me anymore. I thought I had all the time in the world to decide wut I could've done and physcially and mentally prepared for it but now I only have 2 more years to decide wut I have to do. My dad once told me that I wasn't gonna succeed in life and that i'd get nothing in life that I have now. I clearly believe now that he was right.
I don't have any special talents, nothing I can do better than everyone. I can't draw better, perform better, write poetry or even sing well. I'm beginning to see my future as hopeless. I'm not smarter than ppl or stronger. I'm not going to get by in this life as far as I can see. I'll have a sucessful, talented girlfriend and a smarter, overall better best friend.
I can't see myself doing anything to get by and support them as well as myself. I thought I could get by in this world when I was younger b/c my parents took care of everything for me. They handeled all the taxes and all the grocery shopping and everything needed to keep me alive and healthy. Now that i'm getting older and soon needing a job I won't be able to do any of that. I could hardly hold onto my life and let alone helping my friends become more sucessful with their lives.
When I first met Mink and Kailey I saw that they were sad and did need help and support which I thought I could help with. I thought that my life reason was to protect them but then I realized that I can't make money off by helping my friends. I couldn't do that at all, I need a real job. One that can pay for me and them so we could all be happy and die happy. I came to realize that there is no job, not one that i'll be able to reach someday.
Plus for awile I was thinking about a career in music but then I realized that if I did music then it'd require going away a lot on tours and stuff and that even though I could support my friends, I wouldn't be able to see them, so I decided to drop that goal in the end. I also thought about soccer which I was really good at, but the same with music, if I went pro and joined a league and everything then i'd be gone every other day to go play a game in another state meaning i'd be leaving them too often.
I'm not sure wut to do anymore and now I need the help and support I gave my friends. The only problem is that there isn't anyone there to help me, nobody for me to take advice from or to learn from at all. I have no one. Most ppl are going to read and find this to be another one of my stupid, sappy, journal entries but this is wuts going on in my head right now and I need help from someone.
My big reason for living right now is to help Mink and Kailey, but now that I see that I won't be able to help them like I used to... knowing that I won't be able to help them... my best is now obsolete to this reality. I'm not sure if going on is something I can do anymore when I can't help two lives.
Neko92 Community Member 
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