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Where does suffering like mine begin; does it start when I first felt the fire or was it somewhere before, someplace, I do not know. When the flames have lept at you for as long as mine have you can't really remember anymore.

Memory, action, reaction they all blur into one, one memory, one thought, one idea, it all seems the same but it is the pain I cannot shake the unbearable pain. the pain of true suffering all my life I have been alone, growing up I had no friends, and what few friends I did have came to hate me. And even when I had gained true friends, I am torn asunder from them.

But I know that I have to look beyond my pain, walk past my sorrow, because I know that my friends need me, what few friends I have need me.

But this is only a false hope a hope I none the less hold on to if not for my sake but for my friends. If only half of them knew the sorrow and suffering I hold within me maybe things would be different. Maybe just maybe it would make this suffering easier. But I would never show them the pain the unimaginable fire that squelchs all other feelings, until all that is left is the pain.

What has this primal fire done to me this flame that is as cold as space but as hot as the sun, that leaves nothing in its wake. And why is it that i'm slowly gaining power over it as if it is mine to control. Who am I to control such sorrow, such suffering, and why would I ever want to unleash that on someone.

But this "ColdFire" whatever it is is making me stronger, faster, and weaker all at once. The strength I am gaining from the knowledge that nothing is ever going to be as unbearable as this flame, this flame that reflects my every action upon it. But again it is weakening me I am finding myself falling in a swirling vortex of darkness, falling away from my friends and even away from those I love. It is as if this ColdFire has infected me and made me into this instrument of strength, as well as causing everything and everyone I hold dear to hate me.

Ah but this is my life and the loneliness my only companion, but tis my road, tis my journey and I will never stray from that path.

~Chris Hardin~