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Fallen(song plz comment, i'm not sure it's good)
I feel the darkness taking over
As my heart is turned to ice
Trying to stumble my way to the light
Memories of caring, and the people so nice

But now this darkness is my life
Like a knife that's plunged into my heart
Erasing all memories of the past
As it tears my whole world apart

Ceaseless agony and unending despair
The sun vanishing, was it real?
Becoming distant, not a hint of emotion
What the hell is the freakin' deal?

I try to flap my wings, but they won't break my fall
As I cry out in the night, you can't hear my call
Wishing for the safety you had once given me
But now- I fall to my knees
Myskin so pale, my wings so dark
As your eyes take me in, and you leave your mark
But you won't try to save me!

Try to stand up, get knocked back down
My voice is gone, as my eyes start to close
And the pain begins and the world floats away
The last thing I see, a bloodied black rose

The light disapears from my sight
As I frantically call out in my mind
Won't someone find me today?
Please just give me a sign!

I can taste the blood in my mouth
As I slowly begin to drown
I rise to my knees, I still can't see
My face an immovable frown

I try to flap my wings, but they won't break my fall
As I cry out in the night, you can't hear my call
Wishing for the safety you had once given me
But now- I fall to my knees
Myskin so pale, my wings so dark
As your eyes take me in, and you leave your mark
But you won't try to save me!

I guess that I'm Fallen.






User Comments: [1] [add]
Alasdaer
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sat Oct 14, 2006 @ 06:04pm
It's good!
Your stanzas are nice- you seem to write in the ballad form.
Your rhyming could use a little work, but other than that, good imagination!!


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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