Well, it had started out a rather fine day. The sky was clear, the weather was cool, and the colors of fall had just begun to show.
Natilie sat in her brand new India print dress, taking deep breaths while ajusting to her corset. Her father's plantation had a wide viraty of recreatioanal tasks. Thus, her brothers were taking a rousing ride through the forest acres. Apparently it had reminded them of the hunt, whatever that had meant.
Natille was not allowed to read thoose books anyway, nor was she allowed to ride. It actually seemed rather tiresome to her, or she told herself.
Sometimes her borthers would even ride to the slave quarters. How filthy it was. Natille was not even allowed to leave the house and her brothers often remarked on how pale she had become. Of coarse it was of the latest fashion to be so, but they enjoyed the looks she gave after being called a goast. Even her handmaid Susan tried not to laugh.
It was one of the enjoyable times that they shared; and durring these times is when Natille felt it most proper to ask the two brothers to take her out. This would lead to excuses and a cease in conversation.
Which is why Natile was sitting outside, watching her brothers. Today she was allowed to go outside, and today her brothers rode close to her.
In time, her bothrothed would come up along the horizon.
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sEarChInG foR sAniTy : : a cLoUdeD mInd
A sick and sad world of that which you will never return from
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Tristan RedWood
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ekuskrash
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Roger Smith-Mr Negotiator
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Anyway, I kind of had a problem with the writing. For instance:
Natilie sat in her brand new India print dress, taking deep breaths while ajusting to her corset. Her father's plantation had a rather wide viraty of recreatioanal things to do. Thus, her brothers were taking a rousing ride through the forest acres. Apparently it had reminded them of the hunt, whatever that had ment.
I wouldn't use the word Well, to start the story off as it (in my opinion mind you) makes you seem like you're unsure of what's going on in your own story.
Also, you might want to take out the word rather where it says Her Father's plantation again for the same reason as the use of the word Well to start off the story.
And in that same sentence when you said Her father's plantation had a rather wide viraty of recreatioanal things to do. I would like to point out that you should never use the word things in that context. If you're going to describe what all can be done on the plantation try using the word tasks instead.
Also...ment is spelt meant. Just for the record.
Anyway...this is all my opinion on the matter, so you can tell me to go crawl into a hole and die somewhere if you want too. xd Or you can ask the opinons of other writer's and see how they respond. I'll be the first to admit, after all, that I am far from the greatest writer, or critic in the world.
Other then that, I do tend to enjoy stories like this. Especially the ones that are in a time era like the 1700 and late 1800 where people still actually wear clothes that could kill them. sweatdrop
At any rate, I'm babbling and I'll shut up now. Good luck, Tristan. ^^