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Questioning Faith- Doubting Hope
Quote: Quickie: There is no need to be modest today, especially when someone high up says you rock. Overview: A partner or close friend makes a move that benefits them, and leaves you out in the cold. Really, you didn't want to have a confrontation about this, but it looks like you must to get what you deserve.
I never had a hard time believing in God, or Goddess, or whatever Deity at the moment I felt had more incommon with my current circumstance. Religion to me is a clarity, a way to help view the world with open eyes and a someone holding onto your shoulders and watching your back. Today I woke up question my spiritual self. Questing my clear bill of hope. Yes hope. Even through the darkness I always had hope. Devine hope, honest love to all and I was always the one there, supporting all the others and leaving myself last. Now here I am wondering, why I set myself out to be so good to others. Why I always allowed others to shove me into those dark corners even after I supported them in everything they do and want. I am a broken woman. I am lost in the center of insane and sane and there is no way out. Walls are constricting and suffocating me, making me lose my mind.
I have lost all sense of direction, I really don't know what is happening right now, or what tomorrow will bring and all I want, all I want in the craziness is truth!
TRUTH IS LOVE!
I can base everything I believe on that one small phrase, I can base my faith, my spirit, my heart, my decission on those three words. In this world I ask for one thing and that is honesty. I do not ask for much, even the worst truth is better than a good lie. Being Honest can win my forgiveness, while lying can only make me hate you more when I learn the truth on my own. I am suffering here, while I am only guessing someone else is out enjoying the bliss that should be mine.
I am questioning faith- because after all I do, why is it I deserve this hell? I have helped people who don't deserve my help, been a home for the needy, went out on a limb to listen to everyone's problems when my own were fomaing and boiling inside me, just fermenting till I couldn't take it anymore. I have been friend to everyone who needed a friend and I even allowed things to slide when I shouldn't have. I have been a good american, a good mother, hell I have even been a fantastic wife. I might be a little lazy at times, but I am still a worker and will do my best in the end. I change for others who aren't willing to change not only for themselves, but for me. And in the end, I am the one here, drowning in my own tears and needing a breath of fresh air and some clarity.
I am not asking that everyone stop what they are doing to support me, no, I just want honesty. I want someone to step infront of me and say "I was wrong, I did something wrong and I want you to forgive me." or "I am sorry. Nothing has been happening and I shouldn't fill you with doubt."
Velvet
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